Hi Bees, I have a little dilemma I was hoping for some (kind, hopefully!) opinions on since Batman and I have been talking about it at length. We think we've come to a conclusion, but I wanted to see what others thought or if anyone else had been in a similar situation.
My last name is very much a part of my identity, and I decided to keep it. As supportive as Batman is, he's traditional and always thought his future wife would be taking his last name, so it's been a little hard for him to come to terms with. We've discussed other options as well--I don't like the idea of replacing my middle name with my last name (I love my middle name), and for the profession he's going into (law, with the hopes to someday open his own firm) he'd really prefer just one name, not a hyphen. He doesn't want to take my last name simply because he's just as attached to it as I am to mine!
However, we do want to honor each other and our new families and have thought about going by our hyphenated name socially: for instance, if our last names are Chrystler and Jones (which they aren't, but for illustration's point!), at our jobs and on legal documents we'd still be Batman Chrystler and Bat Jones, but on Facebook/with our friends/on any non-official documents, we'd go by Batman and Bat Chrystler-Jones. Then we'd still be able to have a common identity and sound like a married couple in social situations, which I really like, while maintaining our seperate last names as well.
Has anyone done something similar (say, kept their last name and gone by it at work, etc. but gone by their husband's name socially?)? How did it work for you? And if we could avoid any "if you're not taking his last name, you're not fully married," that would be great. I definitely don't fall into that school and since Weddingbee's terms are against bashing other people's opinions, I hope we can keep to the topic at hand :)
I think that would work well. You could also choose to hyphenate your name and he doesn't have to. You can hyphenate legally, but only use both when you choose. My first marriage I hyphenated legally, he didn't, but I used my last name without the hyphen professionally. I think the hyphen allows you to have the option of using whichever name you choose.
Socially, I go by his and I haven't had any problems because of it. It works well for us! I do forget sometimes when sending out cards, as I use my last name much more for things like work, doctor's appointments, etc. than I do for social situations.
Thank you both of you! That was definitely what I wanted to hear; it really does sound like a good solution :)
I planned to go by his socially and use my own name professionaly/legally. It didn't seem to cause any issues at all, but Canada's a teeny bit different in that you don't do a "legal name change" regardless, you just have the right to assume his as a legal alias.
You can go socially by hisname or yourname-hisname, although I personally don't see the point of making the point of saying it's hyphenated in social situations.
Are you going to explain that you're only taking it socially or just correct people when they say it wrong?
I'm keeping my name, as well, and I'm considering socially hypenating it when I have kids. I dunno though... The whole name changing thing seems like such a hassle!
I plan to hyphenate my name. I will use his last name in social situations but I have children from previous who have my last name and I do not want to give up my last name for that reason. I think you should do what is best for you both.
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