Hypothetical invitation etiquette question…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is such a tricky question and I’m in the same boat! I’m thinking of just not sending an invite for these obligations…I have a few great aunts and uncles who I’m close with, but some of their kids have branched off and rarely come to family events. I don’t even know their children’s names! At first I felt the need to invite them, but I’m glad I didn’t! I think you should invite people that you really want to be a part of your celebration 🙂

Post # 4
Member
23 posts
Newbee

This is a very interesting post and an issue that I’m currently going back and forth with. 

I currently live 10,00 miles away from my family and haven’t seen the majority of my Mother’s side since 2009.  However, I still keep intouch with some of my cousins via Facebook.  One particular cousin, I have not had contact with since 2009, even though I have tried to “bury the hatchet” on several occasions.  I will not be inviting her to our wedding – it is her choice that we do not remian in contact.  Will be however inviting the rest of the family.

Do I feel bad for this?  No.  Do I feel sad.  Yes. 

Post # 5
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I only invited people I really wanted there. Literally zero out of compromise. So far I haven’t heard of any broken hearts.

Post # 6
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Aquaria:  No. That person would still feel slighted and even hurt or confused, likely wondering what they did to offend the couple.

Post # 7
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Aquaria:  I have a handfull of relatives who I’m not close to and am not inviting. We just don’t have the space or money for every last person. I don’t feel bad and they don’t care. 

Post # 8
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

If you don’t think they would want to come, I would probably send it anyway so that they don’t get offended. They can always decline.

Post # 9
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Our rule for invitations was that we had to BOTH know everyone invited. We only wanted people there who had supported us through our relationship, and we didn’t think our wedding was a place for introductions. Then again, we had a very small wedding (60 people invited, I think 50 came) but I don’t think you should feel obligated to invite people You aren’t close to. Good luck, I know the guest list is stressful! 

Post # 10
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

My husbands mother had 26 siblings (2 moms, one dad), there was no way we could even invite all the aunts, uncles and cousins. We simply had to just choose who we wanted there. I do feel badly if someones feelings were hurt but at the end of the day, you do what you have to do.

Post # 11
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We aren’t doing that.  Even if they wouldn’t care someone else might.  For example one Aunt can see anothers grown children at the wedding and feel offended that there children weren’t invited.  Because of that we are inviting people we don’t think will come, but it’s just the cost of an invitation.  Not worth potential hurt feelings. 

Post # 12
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, you might have to send out those courtesy invites and hope that they decline. Even if they didn’t want to go to begin with, you might piss people off if you don’t invite them

Post # 13
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@bluefrog33:  +1.

That’s what FI and I are doing. We want our hands clean. No “you didn’t invite your poor auntie whom you haven’t talked to since you were in highschool” for us. We know they won’t come anyway.

Post # 14
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am sure we hurt some feelings because both FI’s parents and my mom have a lot of siblings. His Mom is 1 of 18, Dad 1 of 12 and my Mom 1 of 8!

But most of our family and friends were understanding that we wanted to keep it immediate family and close friends. In you situation, if you are inviting all the cousins but the one, I would probably send the invite anyways as to not single them out. 

Post # 15
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Aquaria:  My FI and I had to cut the guest list (his portion) that way – even with me including all of our mutual friends on my half.  His family is very large and spread out all over the country.  So far, his mom and stepmom (his dad remarried when FI was very young so he’s close with her family as well) are okay with who we’ve cut and we have moved those family members and friends to an “announcement only” list.  We hadn’t anticipated the wedding annoucements and they are an extra expense, but it’s certainly cheaper than a larger head count!

Post # 16
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m not following that idea.  I told my parents right off the bat that we would only be inviting family we talk to on a consistant basis.  I don’t want to invite people that haven’t been around and that I don’t know.  On my bio dads side i’m inviting him and my stepmom, her kids and my great aunt. No one else from his side has ever bothered to have a relationship with me so i’m not sending them an invitation just to be polite. lol My only exception is my moms bio dad and aunt and uncle.  I used to spend a lot of time with them when I was a kid and they always still send me cards for holidays/bdays, ect.  But i also know that neither one will come since they both live in St. Louis.  i think etiquette is a nice idea, but it doesn’t always work out for everyone…and since we’re the ones paying for the wedding…we’re doing it our way 🙂

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