Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
Hi all. I was watching a show today and it got me thinking. If your child came home with a really expensive gift from a friend, like say a designer purse that costs thousands of dollars, would you let them keep it? Or would you make them return it to the friend? Let’s assume your household is the average American middle class. You don’t have tons of money but you’re not poor. The friend is from the upper class and is totally loaded. I honestly don’t know what I’d do. I’d love to hear from parents and non-parents alike. Thanks for satisfying my curiosity!
Post # 2
I’d let the kid keep it. I’d probably call the parents to make sure it was a sanctioned gift, though. Also not stolen. Also why on earth would anyone spend thousands of dollars on a purse?
Post # 3
Definitely would call the parents and make sure this was a sanctioned gift, not something the kid swiped from their parents (or a store ) because they wanted to impress your kid.
Post # 4
Christy42213: If it was truly given in gift form then yes, though I do agree with PP. I would call parents and make sure it was given knowingly (and not just the kid saying “Here, my mom doesn’t use this anymore..take it!”) and then make sure to send a thank you card from my kid to them/their child to show appreciation.
Post # 5
As a mother myself (though I’ve never been in that situation), I’d let her keep it. I think it would break her heart for me to take away a gift someone else gave. Also, returning a gift can be an insult. I’d just make sure she took good care of it.
Post # 6
How old is the child, does it know the value of the bag? If yes, then it needs to be returned. If no, she can keep it.
Post # 7
Like most others here, I’d call the parents first. I’d find out the origin of the gift (ie was it purchased specifically for my child? was it a hand me down) and the purpose (to impress? pity? or just a genuine gift because they thought the child woudl like it?). If it all seemed benign, I’d let the child keep it. If there was something weird about the situation I’d have her return it or donate it. I’d also have a discussion with the other parent about expectations as far as reciprocation, the nature of the friendship, what types of gifts might be weird, etc.
Post # 8
Assuming the gift was legit, I’d make the child do some sort of volunteer work to make sure they understood the value of the gift. Like if it was a $500 gift, I’d make them do 2 full days of volunteering over a weekend and explain that someone on a minimum wage would have to work almost 5 weekends to get $500. Make sure they understand what it takes to put that gift in their hands.
Post # 9
I’ve always been taught to graciously accept gifts and send prompt thank you notes. I will teach my (future) kids the same.
Post # 10
Assuming it’s legit, I would use the old saying of “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”. Meaning I would be more concerned with teaching them to be gracious of any gift, large or small, and being a grateful receiver. Like a PP said, returning a gift could also be insulting.
Also, I would make them write a handwritten thank you note.
Post # 11
Horseradish: But that’s not necessarily what it took to get that gift. Why should your kid suffer through that because someone else is fortunate enough to have the money to give a gift like that? Think about a casual gift you might give someone…I assume anyone who’s giving away expensive gifts, casually, feels about that gift the way you might about a pencil or something.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
pinkshoes: Interesting. So you’re saying if the kid is 7 and has no idea what a designer bag is, you’d let them keep it. But if they were older and knew the value, you’d make them return it? How come?
Post # 13
I would make them return it. A gift of that value is completely inappropriate. Not only does my child need to learn that, but the giver also needs to learn the same lesson.
Post # 14
I was very poor growing up. When I went to high school there were a lot of wealthy families there… and when I say wealthy, I mean they have more money than I could ever imagine.<br /><br />I recieved a lot of very expensive gifts from my friends over the years. I got my first one when I was maybe 15 or 16 and it was a train case full of very expensive brand new makeup. I never recieved anything like a designer bag (Not my thing) but I kept all of them. I would let my children keep it.. why wouldn’t I? It was a gift.
<br />ETA: This is provided that the item is not stolen or obtained by another shady means. Like taken from a family member or something.
Post # 15
Christy42213: If they are younger, then it’s just a purse. I’d tell them it’s “nice” and they need to take care of it though. But if they are older and know it’s worth, they need to work and earn nice things and truely understand the value and what it takes to buy something like that. I don’t want them to think that things like that are just going to be handed to them.