Post # 1
I see lots of hypotheticals on here of would you marry him ifs that get into crazy territory. Those are fun to talk about, but what about this: A lot of bees post about how much their SO makes and some of the amounts are astronomical. Take your SO/FI/DH now and say he’s exactly the same person…except the career he chose to go into was one that barely earns enough to support himself. So he’s stable, capable of paying his living expenses, just poor. Lives in a ratty apartment, ramen noodles, the works. And so no one gets to play the ‘it’s not the money, it’s the lack of ambition’ card, it’s not an issue of a lack of ambition because he loves what he does and throws himself into his work, but the career just isn’t a high paying one (there are a lot of examples but for fear of offending someone I’ll let y’all plug in the career in your head). He has no intention of leaving said career because he loves it.
Would you marry him anyway?
Edit: No new debt, no new credit card or gambling issues (unless your current SO has them), exactly the same guy you have now, just picked a career that doesn’t have a lot of earning potential.
Post # 3
If he is financially responsible, I would. If he’s poor because he made really bad financial decisions (racked up CC debt or gambled it away) then I would not.
Post # 4
Love isn’t about money if he loved his job and that’s all he could afford then that’s fine by me, I love my FI far more then materialistic items
Post # 5
Yes, you’ve just described our life together & I wouldn’t change my FI for the world. I’m marrying him for poorer or poorer!
Post # 6
Yes. Actually DH had a decent amount of debt (from stupid young 20’s years) and not an extremely high paying job and I still married him. I was actually going to be the breadwinner for a while but life happens and he actually found a better job. Also he was already working on his debt when I met him so it’s all paid off now (minus a few small studen loans). I didn’t care. I love him and that’s all that matters.
Post # 7
@RunsWithBears: what if it was due to old bad decisions? and he was fixing it? does that change your mind?
Post # 8
I’m going to bet that not many people would have the stones to admit that they are materialistic enough to leave their other halves over a thing like this.
It would be tough if DH was poor because I’m absolutely skint. I didn’t marry him for his money though… and he definitely didn’t marry me for mine! So sure… I still would.
Post # 9
@Rachel631: I was wondering the same thing, but my Disney princess side wants to believe we all really do marry for love. But then again, there really isn’t anything wrong with wanting security beyond poverty. I’m interested to see the results
Post # 10
As long as the bills were paid and there was food, I’d marry the man.
I grew up very, very poor. We’re talking “Choose between food an electricity” poor. Being poor sucks, but my parents always had their bills paid. Even if we had to eat ramen or take charity off of our friends and neighbors, we ate (Although not well) and we always did a little bit better every month.
ETA: I vowed to my husband that I would follow him to the ends of the earth and if that meant we were going to live under a bridge for the rest of our lives, at the very least we’d have each other to keep us warm. Love, actual deep love does not know the boundaries of money. Money can’t make you happy, it can make you comfortable. Love doesn’t care about money.
Post # 11
We are pretty broke, so there is that… haha.
Post # 12
If he was financially responsible and still poor for some reason outside of his control then yes. If he was in incredible debt and financially irresponsible then I never would have started dating him let alone married him.
Post # 13
YES and I’m actually in this situation so I can say yes with a smile.
He can afford good food (he doesn’t have to eat ramen) and we live together in the apartment I had so it’s not ratty but yes…..he’s in filmmaking and the chances of him getting big are very slim so he does not make a lot of money. But – he’s excellent with his finances, smart and responsible.
I actually struggled with this for quite some time and voiced concerns here on the Bee. I was surprised how many women told me if they were in my shoes they would leave him. I’m glad I didn’t listen to them. He can support himself and I’m fully capable of supporting the both of us if we ever get in a pinch.
Post # 14
My DH was poor when we met, but so was I. We were then quite poor together when we got married (due to him having an average job and me going through graduate school).
After 10 years together we are finally in a place where we make a decent combined income and we aren’t living paycheck to paycheck.
So in short, Yes! I would and I did!
I love that we have been through so many challenges together and have come out stronger.
ETA: I am now the main breadwinner!
Post # 15
Definitely. I’ve always been more shallow about looks rather than about money in terms of men. I never cared if the guy had money, only if he was hot, lol. And personality mattered too. I think I never cared about money because my parents never told me to, or even implied it. They were confident, as I am confident, that I would always be able to support myself financially. That wasn’t what getting married was for… it was about love and kids.
When I was very young, the whole class of girls would be attracted to the same hottie I was, but as we got older, more and more girls started to be attracted to the scent of money instead. I can’t say I was displeased about this, on a personal level (as a feminist, it’s depressing, but that’s another story). A reduction in competition for the hotties is what it meant for me. Not that I had low self-confidence, but less competition for what you like never hurts!
And yes, I’d still marry him if he were ugly, too, because now that I love him, nothing superficial like that can ever change it.
Post # 16
@Woodstock: If he made poor financial decisions but was fixing them, then I’d stay with him but I don’t know if I’d marry him until his finances were sorted – ie all the CCs were paid off and he’s been solidly sticking ot his budget for an extended period of time.
Money can be a huge stressor in marriage and I would want us both to be in a stable place before we combined finances.