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Its rude, shes a flake - but there is nothing you can do about it and anything you try will simply cause more drama. Shes obviously causing enough drama and I would guess that most of the people who know you and your family wont be shocked by this. Oh well!
That's quite the read.
But I'd agree with you. You want to make everyone happy, esp since she was engaged first. However I think you have already gone way out your way to be considerate of her. I don't really know what else you would want to hear. but I'd be pretty aggravated too
Yes, I would be annoyed. However, you have already done your part to make things convenient. There is really nothing you can do.
Wow. I'm glad that's just hypothetical! That would suck if it happened in real life! ;-)
I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I totally feel your frustration, I think that was very inconsiderate of your sister. I see you said your mom was fine with it. Have you voiced your concerns to her about people not being able to make it to your wedding because of your sister's sudden date change?
Your sister's actions are very inconsiderate. Have you sat down and talked to her about your frustrations? Perhaps if she saw where you were coming from, she'd be more thoughtful about her wedding planning. Haha I'm trying to be diplomatic, but I have two sisters, one of which is somewhat similar in ways to yours. It would be worth talking, but sisters don't always necessarily hear what you're saying. It may make you feel better though, if you got all of this into the open instead of bottling it up inside.
Curious - have your save the dates gone out? If I were family and were aware of the situation, and could only go to one wedding, I'd pick yours. ;)
I suppose I'm trying to figure out if I am out of line for being upset? I calmly approached the situation by discussing with our mother, who immediately became snippy with me because I didn't jump on the band wagon. The issue escalated into an argument between her and I, which was not where I wanted it to go. The evening ended with a nasty email from my sister saying she was unincluding herself from my wedding and more drama than I care to remember.
I don't think I was out of line for having concerns about the two dates now being so close together, with both of us having MOH responsibilities for the other. My other concern is that my family will be forced to choose between one or the other due to the time between both being cut in half and funds being tight. My fiance and I have lived together for 5 years - we don't want gifts and we've made that pretty clear. we don't want cash, either. we just wanted a nice celebration and party with our family and close friends.
So I guess, because of my mom and sister jumping all over me for being upset with this new turn of events, I wanted to see if I was wrong for being upset or angry about the whole deal. A fresh perspective is pretty helpful - thanks for the responses so far!
that would aggrivate me greatly? Is she aware of other people or is she the type of person to think about herself and herself only?
Wow if my sister did that I'd be so ticked off at her. You have a right to be concerned. It's a lot for me to go to 2 weddings in 6 months let alone 6 weeks apart. Since you sister had no trouble not caring about your feelings if I were you I would do the following:
1. Send out your Save The Dates IMMEDIATELY! If I got yours then your sisters I would choose who evers I got first (if i had to pick)...which will be yours hopefully!
2. Email your sister and tell her to knock the drama queen act (sorry she sounds like one) Unincluding herself from your wedding because you expressed concern? Come on!
3. Talk to your mom in person and lay out your case and explain how you think people will not make it to your wedding b/c hers is so close now.
I have a feeling if you say changed your date to a month BEFORE hers she would have a huge problem with it. Is she competitive with you? It seems like they aren't in the position to have a big wedding right now but she just has to get married before you? Maybe she's jealous?
Considering that she "unincluded" herself from your wedding, I would really consider doing the same to hers (no reason for you to fork out 1K on top of everything else if she's being a brat). But, I'm more of a grudge holder . . .
Have you sent out STDs (Save the Date cards) yet? If you have, you can be sure your family has already planned to go to your wedding. I wouldn't worry about scheduling your wedding around hers anymore. She's obviously a flake, and probably will change her mind again. I would be very cautious about sharing any of your wedding info with her, since she also seems to be a "copy cat bride" that is someone who will steal your dress colors, wedding colors, decoration ideas, etc. then claim them as her own just because her wedding is scheduled first. You are sweet to have included her as a MOH, but I would leave her as an honorary MOH, and don't count on her to do anything. Furthermore, I don't think you should be expected to do much for her wedding since you have your own to plan. It's nice she made you an honorary MOH, but really you should only worry about paying for the dress. It's selfish of her to expect any more of you when you have tried so hard to accomodate her.
I think a LOT of people can be inconsiderate when it comes to their 'special day.'
A lot of people have a really hard time looking further than themselves, andan even harder time realising that they may be making things more difficult than need be -- because it's their 'special day.'
Believe me, even the more logical, conscientious people can turn into self-centered, egotisitcal spoiled brats as soon as their wedding comes into view.
You've gone above and beyond the call of duty to make things easier on your family's pocket books, it's not your fault she keeps changing her mind.
Some people just can't take the 'memeME!' blinders off.
Crummy :( I would say try to knock that 1K you are spending on her down significantly. She doesn't seem to be deserving of that atm and isn't being very thoughtful to you.
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Hello everyone,
This is my first post and I have a hypothetical situation - I would appreciate some insight.
So, say you get engaged shortly after your younger sister. everything's peachy. You are the planning type, you've been with your finace for 6+ years and you're ready to get everything set down and booked. So you do.
You book your hall, order your dress, plan your theme, invites, etc. Your sister has, by this time, switched her date three times (from January to March to June). To keep the peace, you make sure your date is after her's by about three months (end of August). This is also to make things a little easier for the family (between travelling, two weddings, etc.)
Sister has also by this time stated she asked her best friend over you to be her maid-of-honor. (oh the drama). But whatever. This is accepted by you with grace and you say your piece about being disappointed but understanding, and move on.
Anyway. Meanwhile. you and fiance are gainfully employed and work like crazy to pay for this thing. sister AND her fiance end up losing their jobs (one due to his fault - her's was not). So, they are both on unemployment, haven't booked a place (planning to have it at a family member's house if said family member can get their lawn set for something like that). But planning is still moving along slowly.
so. by this time, sister has decided to have two MOHs (which is what you did from the start so as not to slight either your sister or best friend). (are you getting the inconsistency vibe? >.> )
Fast forward to today, when sister skips out on a bridesmaid dress fitting to go look at halls instead of family member's yard for her wedding. Her wedding is less than 6 months away during the height of wedding season. she and her finace are still unemployed. She finds a hall two and a half hours from where you live, and an hour from where she lives, that is relatively cheap. It is the first and only one she looks at. The only day they have available is July 11. Your wedding is August 28 and in a different state, where you live (but close enough for friends and family to make the drive). She is planning to plunk down a deposit. Mom is on board with this and thinks its fine. Meanwhile, you have family who lives out of state and across the country, and three months was already cutting it close. Now there are 6 weeks between weddings. Money is tight all around for family, and you have been trying to be considerate of this.
Choosing this date also makes it nearly impossible for her to do anything for your wedding because she'll be on her honeymoon during crucial dates. It also ensures you will be plunking down close to 1K for maid of honor and bridal party duties, dress, shoes, hair, etc. in the midst of paying the final deposits for your own wedding.
So. Are you wrong to be upset? Fiance, who is usually extremely laid back, is also annoyed with the turn of events. Everyone outside who you have asked has said that sister's actions are rude and inconsiderate. What do you think?