(Closed) I’m so mad, do you ladies think this is right?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee

I think you need to stop expecting this man to be something he cannot be.

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I would be upset too. It’s frustrating to watch this happen and not be able to do anything. I think all you can do at this point is distance yourself from the dad. This is who he is, and he probably won’t change. If he’s willing to miss his only childs wedding because of a dinner, then he has bigger issues.  Be there for your fiance, but don’t get in the middle of it by calling the dad.

Post # 5
Member
3472 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I wouldn’t call his dad.  That will likely just fuel the fire.  It’s sad, but it sounds like your FI already knows most of his family isn’t supportive.  At least he has step parents who can adqeuately show their love for him. I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with this, but I really think the best solution would be to not have them there– it’s obvious they’re toxic people anyway; do you really want them tainting your memories?

Post # 6
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

His dad sounds like an ass. And if he would seriously not go to his son’s wedding because he didn’t get a damn Father’s Day card, you are both better off without him in your life.

 

Post # 7
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

That is just horrible.  I am sorry that your FI is going through this. I dont understand how some men can just disregard their kids feelings and needs no matter how old they are. He is very blessed to have such a lovely lady in his life to comfort him.  

I really have no advice but I am going to say is that your FI called his dad, there is not much he can do if he wont call him back. 🙁 

Post # 8
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

That is such a hurtful thing to do! It is definitely childish and mean to cross out “regrettably.” It must be difficult for you to watch the man you love get treated like this.

I don’t think you should try to call the guy, because 1) he probably WANTS to provoke you guys, and 2) he’ll probably just be rude and hurtful to you. I know you want to stand up for your FI, but putting yourself in the middle of all this drama is not going to help him – it will just set you up to be hurt by this man. I know it’s hard to imagine a wedding with so few family members, but do you even want someone at your wedding who behaves the way this guy does? I would just try to let it go and focus on the fact that your FI is now becoming part of YOUR family.

Post # 9
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

OMG I am so sorry that your FI has such horrible parents. I am sure it never gets any easier to swallow the hurt your own parents cause you. I think you guys should just be thankful that he was given a wonderful stepfather for 13 important years of his life. Giving him a good role model who showed him how to be the man he is today. My feelings are always this– if someone doesn’t want to be there, then don’t come. It sounds like his ex step father and his new wife are the only people in his life who are supportive of him and in my opinion, the only ones who should even be invited.

Post # 10
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@vegempanada:  I agree that he definitely wants to provoke you guys. 

Even if he doesn’t his behavior is ridiculous and childish, to the point of toxicity. I’d not move forward with trying to have a relationship with this man, and just be there for your FI when he is sad about it. 

Post # 12
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

@mary_p0sa:  I think it’s horrible how some parents treat their children. I would give up if I were him. It sounds like his dad is willing to write him off over something so small that he’s not worth the trouble anymore. I know it’s so much easier said than done, but if he doesn’t have any expectations of his biological father, then he won’t ever be disappointed by him again.

Post # 14
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know it might be the wrong thing to say. but in the grand scheme of things it might be a better thing that your FI’s dad is distancing himself. Does he seem like a positive influence on his life? From your writings it doesn’t sound like it.

You can’t fix the problems in his family. You can give him a happy, stable and loving home, which sounds like more than he’s gotten from his parents.

Post # 16
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

That eviction notice on the door for no reason is so similar to a lot of the things I’ve experienced growing up that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I think you guys should just quit trying to include such a horrible person in your life. There seem to be no redeeming qualities in this person other than he gave your FI half on his DNA. If this RSVP deal was an isolated incident it might be able to be worked out but it isn’t, and it’s just so petty for an adult to do regardless of the reason! Both you and your FI might want to read the book “Toxic Parents”, I found it last year by chance and it put a lot of things in perspective for me.

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