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I agree, talk with FMIL and see what her opinion is. What does FI think as well? I think the whole thing is so inapropriate, but what really is the worst that could come of the daughter coming. The two of them will sit there and watch as you get married and have the most amazing day of your lives. I think that would cabosh any dreams of your FI being with the daughter.
OMG...I dont even know what to say except..she cannot be invited! can't you explain to your FI that her behavior is risky at best and that you don't need to be worrying about how she's going to behave on YOUR day...plus, now shes inviting her daughter?? wtf? I'd be horrified about what she might say or do! keep us posted!!!
I know ladies, I am so bummed. I just want to gain control of all of this. I don't want crazy woman to keep taking over. I want to send her an email, tell her to contact ME if she has wedding questions (which I'm telling everyone....FI is just not a big part of the planning process. he's in med school---no time) I want this woman in my control. I hope I can accomplish that by emailing her.
If nothing else, you could consider contacting her husband as you've been told that he is the one to control her normally. He will most likely understand and make sure to keep dear daughter at home.
virginiamarie: what if she pretty much refuses to go through you? she sounds that nuts that she wouldnt even acknowledge you....tell her that FI has asked you to give her information and for her to go through you...explain that he's very busy and you'd be happy to pass any "special" messages along to FI...my personality wouldn't be taking this so well..I commend you! now I need a cocktail !
FI thinks that she probably went mental after she lost her kid. That happens to some people after they lost someone.
There was this one story I heard where this mom lost both her kid and her husband at the same time and started aging backwards.. like first she started wearing teenager clothes, then wanting to do kids stuff, then got sent to the loony bin and acting like a 3 year old, then a few weeks later a two year old, then the process went on until she couldn't go back any further and she died. Don't know who it was, but I heard it from a guest pastor at our church...yea it could happen...
Wow...grieving or not, this woman sounds nuts. How inappropriate and disrespectful. Honestly, it sounds like it doesn't matter whether you end up mailing an invitation - sounds like the woman already has too many details about the wedding and could show up no matter what.
VirginiaMarie, I hope you get your control back. That is such a nasty feeling, feeling like you've lost control over your own wedding day. I've had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach just reading this thread. :/
I honestly wouldn't invite her. I understand that she has experienced a hard loss, but like some other Bees have said, grief doesn't give you a right to be rude.
My FH has a family friend that always seemed to want her daughter with him. He never liked her like that because she was kinda wild. Her mother used to look at me "funny" when she saw me. I always knew that she liked him, but FH didn't see it but he stopped hanging so close with that family. (she used to call him while we were together and then he had to ask her to stop) That was back while we were in high school.
Now that we are engaged (over 6 years later) she sends him a facebook message asking him if he was REALLY engaged. He was like DUH! Our relationship status has changed. She did not respond back, and they are officially not invited.
No one should come to your wedding if they do not want to see the two of you together/ or are jealous.
How obnoxious! why would she ask if he was getting married and then spring the whole my daughters single btw...I would refuse to have that kind of person at my wedding..
I didn't read all 80+ posts on this thread, so I apologize if my suggestion has already been put out there on the ''bee table'' so to speak.
What does your FI say about all of this? Instead of beating around the bush, I would directly tell this woman that she and her family are not invited to the wedding. Furthermore, I would tell her exactly why she isn't invited to the wedding (though don't tell her that you think she is a wack job). Just tell her that she has been continuiously been insulting to you, your FI, and your family (I mean really? She said that she is bummed about you guys getting married? How insulting!) and that you don't need negativity on your wedding day. Also, tell your FMIL and any other person that interacts with this woman to stop talking to this woman. Let this woman know that she isn't welcomed by ANY of your family members. Just my 2 cents worth...
I would just tell her yourself. Its time to stop being nicey nice and just say "Hey look. This is MY wedding. (I)=me, myself say you NOR your "single" daughter are invited. My FI wants nothing to do with any other woman but me so tell you daughter to keep her hands off. If I see you guys at our wedding I will make sure you are escorted off the premises. This stops NOW.
There end of story. I know your trying to be nice but when it comes to control you have to be as aggressive as the one whos doing the controlling. Actually I think it should be your FI who should say something. You deserve somene to stick up for you with this. He should really be the one to do it. If not. Its your wedding that you need to take back. Sorry to sound harsh. I do wish you the best of luck. I just hate woman like that! You dont deserve it!
I'm going to disagree a little with the general direction of this thread---- I think that you're blowing the situation out of proportion. Yeah, this woman sounds batty, and her comments are rude, but seeing her son's best friend get married is probably reminding her that she'll never see her own son do the same.
Just tell your fiance what YOU want, and then make him deal with it. Is controlling the situation worth your sanity? I know it's hard (I had my own issues that sound eerily similar to yours), but letting go of this situation will be worth it.
I don't know, I kind of disagree with NotQuiteK. Yeah, it'd be great to just let it go, but not everyone's like that--and obviously this is causing her stress. I think the best thing to do from here on out would be to handle it yourself. Email her first, saying that you noticed some strange comments on FI's facebook and you'd like for them to please stop--people around you don't need to get the idea that your FI is even thinking about another girl, how odd is that?
Second, I'd tell her that you are still finalizing guest list numbers and having some trouble with the venue, and that if the opportunity arises SHE AND HER HUSBAND will be invited. And see how her behavior goes... if it's worse or the same, the opportunity never arises. If it's better, perhaps consider it.
Problem solved.
I think LaborOfLove has hit the nail on the head--great advice! You need to actually take control, since obviously FI is not going to do anything. This is not the time to be passive, just address her as an adult and take care of the problem. You can do it! She can NOT continue to behave like this and have no one tell her that it's not ok!
OOOh and if she does come, make sure the DJ/host guy knows not to let her make a drunken toast! Print out a facebook picture of her for him to recognize her and let him know the situation with her being a weirdo lol
I am very sympathetic to people who have lost loved ones, especially a child but she is completely out of line. My FI and I are snowed in and we just read your post together and we agree that if we were in this situation we would not invite her. One can turn their head at one comment and forgive but she continues to make rude and snarky comments on the wall of your FI FB page for everyone to see and I for one would have a hard time forgiving her. Keep us updated! Sorry that you are going through this. Try not to let it get you to stressed out.
If you invite her and her husband, I promise that her daughter will be at your wedding. There is no way around it. Not inviting the daughter will not stop the crazy lady from bringing her daughter.
I feel bad for her, obviously she is very mentally unstable. I think that she is replacing her son with your FI and the only way for her to achieve that is to marry her daughter.
You probably need to have a very open and honest conversation with your FI and explain everything to him like you are explaining it to us. I hope that after time he will side with you and not invite the husband and wife to your wedding.
What did you finally decide...I hope this works out for you and you don't have to stress over it anymore.
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