Weddingbee boards

Thank you for sharing that.  I don't really go for pearls and prettiness, but I love parties and I love the person I am marrying, even as I'm shocked with myself (and midlly appalled even, sometimes) for falling into a traditional model of a relationship.

I think in many ways I was more ambivalent about my first wedding, to a groom, than about my second one, to a bride.  Not that I was ambivalent about the groom himself--the end of the marriage two decades later was not something I foresaw at the time.  But I, who had never liked the patriarchy, suddenly found myself being pushed into this mold in which I was supposed to care about every detail, while he was an accessory barely more important than the bouquet.  I dealt with that by pretty much opting out of the planning.  I bought a dress, and agreed on the rabbi and synagogue.  But my mother-in-law did most of the planning, which was just fine by me.  (Given the fact that I was working full-time, and also going to law school 3/4 time, her willingness to step in was a life-saver!)

This time around, there were no obvious roles.  We found a wonderful bridal consultant who picked out complementary but not matching dresses and veils for us.  We walked down the aisle together, holding hands.  Only one person questioned our decision not to change our names, and that person thought (for reasons mysterious to us) that NotFroofy should be the one to change her name.  And I actually threw myself into wedding planning much more this time, since I felt like it was a joint effort with my partner, not something I, as a woman, was expected to do FOR my partner.