Post # 1
that has quickly become the single most annoying phrase in the universe!!! GAHHHH!!! so SO has gone on a kick recently about talking about “when we get married…” at night when we are going to bed. every night he says some variation of “you know i already consider you my wife”
… so if you consider me your whife WHATS THE FRIGGEN HOLD UP!?!?!?! i mean we have already been through everything together. “friends” trying to sabotage our relationship, losing a pregnancy, living together (with his family even! even they are starting to poke and prod him into action!), moving to a different city, having a baby, losing jobs, money issues all of it. and im still waiting.
we have beeen together for 3 years, which i know doesnt seem like a lot but we were also close friends for 4 years before starting to date. he sat me down and told me at about the 9 month mark that he knows that i am “the one” and he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. then we found out we were going to have a baby and he took me to the jewlery store to show me the ring he had picked out. he talks about us getting married all the time and what he wants for the wedding. now he has my familys heirloom rings and has had them for 2 months and still nothing.
GAH i am so frustrated! i have been really good aobut not mentioning wedding stuff to him so he doesnt feel “pressured” but i am starting to feel lie im listining to a broken record!
I know there are other bees out there that have heard this spiel before so tell me… does the phrase “i already consider you my wife” make you want to smack your SO upside the head?
Post # 3
I think the next time he says that tell him simply “You can think all you want, but its not true until we say our vows.”
Thats a sucky position to be in.
Post # 4
Well, he only said it to me once, a few months ago, and that was during a very sweet and sentimental conversation we were having, and it made me feel happy 🙂 of course, if I heard it every day, I would probably get frustrated pretty quickly!
I know it seems like he’s dragging his feet, but it definitely sounds like your guy wants to marry you, so if he’s waiting, it’s probably because he’s planning some awesome surprise, or waiting for just the right moment, you know? Hopefully you won’t have to wait too much longer!
Post # 5
***HUGS*** That has to be truly annoying!!!!
My SO always says “Why mess up a good thing?! What does a piece of paper have to do with anything! Look at all the people who get married and they end up divorcing.” UGH! And all I can say is… I just want to be your wife! I really do feel like a second rate citrizen being his girlfriend, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him!
Guys! They can be so special sometimes.
Post # 6
@Hbomb84: Agreed. Shortbus special…
@aprose: HUGS and good luck! He seems like a guy that just freaks out and drags his feet when it comes to action, but does plenty of daydreaming… You need to put your foot down in a firm but non-threatening way! Say what @lefeymw suggested, that’s great. Or just find your own phrase. I hope this works out for you! And I’m sorry…
Post # 7
Stay hopefull, but I’m on board with lefeymw’s suggestion of telling him he should make it official. He has a ring, he should be planning something.
Post # 8
@lefeymw: Love it!
@aprose: Stay positive and don’t let him get too comfortable. 🙂
Post # 9
i am so done with not being pushy or whatever. like HBomb84 said it does make you feel a second rate citizen to just be “the girlfriend”
@lefeymw: i tihnk i am going to tell him that the enxt time he says that to me.
Post # 10
I agree with @Coffee cup: you should tell him to make it official.
He’s got the rings though, he’s probably planning it! I did tell my guy my “expectations” for this whole proposal thing… and his reply was that he was overthinking it. It made him feel better to know that I wasn’t expecting something huge… and that his plans probably already exeed my expectations.
Maybe that could help speed things up a bit?
Post # 11
There was a point when I told FI that he couldn’t talk about certain topics until we were engaged because it was painful for me. He thought talking about the future would make me happy and it did to a certain point. But, I drew a line with a few topics.
Little did I know the ring was being made at that point. He proposed a couple months later. 🙂
Post # 12
Ugh!!! I can relate! “I already think of you as my wife” “It’s like we are already married” I could go on and on…especially annoying was that he told everyone at work that I WAS his wife, introduced me that way, referred to me that way…but we were not even engaged! This went on for almost a year, it started when we moved in together out of state from our families and ended when we got engaged this past weekend.
I am sure your man really DOES think of you that way as mine did but it doesn’t help when all you really want is to make it official!!! Hugs, and hoping it is soon!!!
Post # 14
Wow, you are one patient lady. I run on a short fuse so if that happened to me, I would say “That’s really sweet honey, but I am not your wife and if you don’t ask me soon, I will start to reconsider this relationship”. Why? Because how long does he continue to get “wife perks” while you wait?
Post # 15
@aprose: I totally agree with you and I feel you on so many levels! My SO does the exact same thing and it drives me up the wall! For him we have been “married” for the last year and he doesn’t see the difference in getting married. He’ll talk about children as well and that really get’s me. Especially since we’re both of the mind set that children come after marriage and you shouldn’t have kids until you’re with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s insane when I bring up marriage stuff and he’s like what’s the difference, what’s a ring going to change blah blah blah… I need a good come back! I like @lefeymw:
Post # 16
I never really considered myself “waiting” but about a few months before FI proposed we started talking about wedding stuff. This was fine at first, but about a month before he proposed he started talking about it a lot, but then any time I pushed it any further (“are you going to propose?”) he would backtrack and say he wasn’t ready. This really started to take a toll on me. Finally I told him “I am not going to talk to you about this until there is a ring. I can’t do it, it hurts me to get my hopes up and then be let down. I love you and I want to marry you, but I don’t want to hear another word about marriage until you are sure you are ready.” This was really hard for him! He wanted to talk about marrying me so badly. Wouldn’t you know, two weeks later we were engaged. He said he realized the reason he wanted to talk to me about it constantly was because I was his best friend and he needed to talk to his best friend about it because he was so nervous. Once he made that decision though, it was a done deal for him. He says he’s never had a doubt about us since the day he proposed. Hopefully this is your guy too 🙂 good luck!