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I don't see anything selfish in those three things. Honestly, at this point, since you're already married, I would tell him you're buying yourself a ring and see how he responds. If he dosen't like it, he better get to the store! Sorry for all your frustrations. I thik they're warranted, though!
#2 just sucks regardless. No harm in being upset about that! As for #1 and #3... it sounds like you really have a problem with the way you came to be engaged (without proposal or ring) and never got over it. I would be totally pissed if I were you too. In fact-- I probably never would have married my husband if he hadn't proposed unless there was some EXCELLENT reason for it. But it does get you into a sticky situation because an engagement ring doesn't really mean as much if you buy it for yourself (or at least... it wouldn't to me). You want the ring to be a simple of HIS love. Not just your style. So if you hurrang him into buying it for you... it kind of defeats the purpose. Which makes him kind of an ass for putting you in this position!! Have you had a conversation with him about how you feel about him getting you a ring and how important it is to you? If he understands this and if you two can afford it and if he's still unwilling to do it then I think you have bigger problems than a ring.
Hoeny, honey, honey........ Take your man to the store where you want to purchase your ring, and buy it! I wanted a princess cut white gold band, he had given me an old engagement ring which was nice, but not what i wanted any more. And when he proposed, it was only after me telling him we better get engaged or else, basically. Men don't really care about the romance and the ring the way we do. It was nearing my birthday and I had dropped hint after hint after hint and nothing, so we went into the jewelry store, I found the ring I wanted, and bought it my damn self!
I love the ring, I know my fiance loves me, they are just STUPID!
Go drag his ass to the jewelry store and purchase the ring girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're married. Purchase your own ring. I know it sucks not coming from him, but why the hell not. I'm assuming you both share a joint checking account or something, so it would still be like "him" buying you the ring :) :) :)
You're not being a selfish bitch in my opinion -- we all have our days!
Good Luck!
Is he just yanking your chain by getting you all worked up so he can surprise you? Or is he just being cruel describing rings he refuses to buy? If it is the latter, you should insist that he stop torturing you. That is just mean. And then inform him that since you are handling the finances (and you can "more than afford it") you will be buying the ering for yourself and he can consider it his anniversary gift to you.
Just to make you feel better, DHs step mom never even got a wedding band. (Something about rings only mean something if you let them.) She eventually went out and bought her own wedding band. FIL still doesn't wear a band.
Sadly his ass is 650 miles away at the moment which means I can't drag him into a store. I have tried when he has been in town, but he told me he felt uncomfortable because he wanted to be the one to pick it out as as a symbol of his love for me. I am fine with that as I know that he knows my style and would get me a beautiful ring.
As far as having problems that are greater than the ring? Nope. lol It is more of the fact that he just doesn't see the need for one now. He saw the need when we were 'engaged' but we were working on getting our finances in order and couldn't really afford a ring at that time. Now that we can afford it he would rather wait and get me a ring for a special anniversary, like 5 or 10 years.
As for getting myself a ring? Sure, I could do that but it wouldn't be the same. Oh, and he did have an EXCELLENT reason for not proposing before we started planning and booking everything. Gotta love deployments!
Sorry but i actually agree with your husband about the e-ring not being really necessary now that you are married. like pp have said if you really want just buy it yourself, but personally I would just 4get about it, get a really nice diamond wedding band and move on.
@bells: I agree with this. You should have brought this up BEFORE you got married.
This issue was brought up well before marriage...but if you read my reply you see that at the time we could not afford a ring. As for moving on, I am working on it. I haven't brought it up in about 6 months. It has just been on my mind because 1. He wanted to take me to dinner at the restaurant at which he had originally intended to propose for the 4th of July and 2. because one of his sisters is probably going to be engaged within the next couple of weeks.
Just to be clear, I am not complaining and whining to him all the time about this! I have simply been in a crappy mood. Right now I am dealing with the fact that my husband is out of town and with the exception of 1 week in August, I won't see him again until November if I am lucky, I am movng across the country by myself, leaving a job that I love, and starting a new job in a town where I do not know a single person. I am a touched stressed and moody, hence why I came on WB to vent a bit about a silly issue that has bothered me for about 24 hours. I know without a doubt that the only reason I am actually bothered by this right now is because I am dealing with the stress of all of the aforementioned issues. I respect and agree with you that I need to let this go, hence why I call myself a bitch. Thank you for agreeing with me.
if an e-ring is all that important to you, why did you get married without one?
@rosworms: Because prior to the wedding we couldn't afford one.
Wow, I know that this post would make me look like a greedy bitch but does it really make me look THAT greedy and materialistic?
No it dosen't. And you say he can afford one now and that's why you're frustrated.
that doesn't make you a bad person, don't be so hard on yourself! Everyone has wants and needs, you and him need to realize that.
@Penguingal06: nope. You just sound frustrated. And really, I don't consider myself a materialistic person, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a pretty piece of bling.
There were valid reasons why you couldn't get one, and now those reasons have gone and a new one has been created which you don't happen to agree with- "you don't need one now"- I would be frustrated too.
If I got married without an engagement ring first and was caring about it as much as you are, I'd just go and buy the ring myself. You can't force him to see your point in wanting one, but you want one, so go get one. You said it won't be the same if you get it yourself, but would it be the same if he got it for you begrudgingly?
@jumpthegun: No it wouldn't mean as much if he bought it for me unwillingly which is exactly why I don't whine to him about this. I came to WB to vent about this for that exact reason.
I know I will get a ring eventually, probably 5 year anniversary, but until then every now and then whe something else is stressing me out I need to vent.
After reading your replies it sounds like you are more upset with him not being there for your first anniversary so everything is going to piss you off. You are in a new environment and by yourself so you have plenty of time to dwell on the small things. During our last deployment I was by myself in our new house and had plenty of time to have a pity party of the smallest of things. You don’t want to direct your anger at your missing SO because it is not their fault they are not there so you take your anger out on smaller things. Keep your chin up girlie it will get better!!
You're not a horrible person, but it sounds like you're not going to be happy either way because you can't change the past. Even if you went out and bought yourself a big diamond solitaire now, it still wouldn't be an engagement ring... It doesn't sound like you want another piece of jewelry, you want an actual engagement ring--from him--and you'll just have to wait for him to get that for you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh; it's just my observation.
I am sorry that everything that is happening is frustrating you, and making this seem like such a huge deal. Maybe you could buy yourself a really pretty right hand ring instead?
@pasquel: This is exactly what I was trying to say in some of my earlier posts. I know that this vent is worthless and that is why I came here to vent instead of to my husband. I just needed an outlet for some stress.
@Miss Longcoat: You are not harsh you are correct, hence why I use the unflattering terms for myself and do not purchase a pretty ring for myself.
As for a right hand ring or other pretty sparkly? It is when I start contemplating those that I am reminded of why I love the wedding band I do have and why there are many times that I am grateful that I DON'T have a sparkly engagement ring--construction sites are NOT good places for such items and work has me on job sites at least once a week.
So yes, I do love my wedding ring, a plain 3mm platinum band, wear it with pride and absolutely love (at times! lol) not having to worry about damaging an expensive diamond ring.
Well, what really bugs about this situation is that your husband keeps bringing it up, even though he must know it's a sore spot with you. Hope you can nip any further discussion about it in the bud, ie, "honey, you know how I feel about the ring, but you're not in a position to do anything about it now, so let's not discuss it anymore, ok?" I know this isn't true, that he has money and time to take care of this, but he isn't taking care of it, so the least he can do is keep his trap shut about it from here on out. :)
@Just_Squeeze: I second that. If you handle the money honey, it's just as much yours as it is his. Buy yourself a ring. Tell him how much it would mean to you. Men just don't feel sentimental value towards "things" the way girls do, so to him, he's really just being practical.
P.S. Why did you start wedding planning if he never officially proposed? Just curious.
Go on overstock or ebay and buy something pretty and wear it on that finger for a while- I bet he gets the picture. Not that I know your man- but most men need a large stick upside their head.
You are not a bad person!! I would be upset as well. It will suck to not spend time with him on your anniversary! The rest of your reasons seem like they are all tied back to not ever really getting proposed to and not getting the e ring that you have always dreamed of. I think you should talk to him about it and let him know how you feel and why its important to you. Weather it is important or not to him, he should care becasue its something that is important to you. I hope you feel better *hugs* and when he gets home I just say you take him to the store and you get one!!
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I am a horrible, terrible, no good,very bad person. I am a selfish b*tch. I know this, i am fully aware of this. What makes me such a person? Well, the simple fact that I am less than 6 weeks away from my first wedding anniversary with the most amazing man a woman could ever imagine and I am upset over the following issues.
There, there three reasons that make PenguinGal a selfish bint and darn it if it doesn't feel good to get all of that out.
ETA: Insult to the injury? During one of our endless discussions on how I want an engagment ring he described the ring he had planned on buying for me and it was EXACTLY what I wanted. EXACTLY. Now I will a. never get an engagement ring and b. know that if I had gotten one it would have been the most perfect one for me, ever.