Post # 1
This is just a little venting as I talked to DH tonight but honestly there is nothing he is doing wrong, but doing everything right. I just dont know how to get out of this funk!
We have been married almost 2 mths now and it has been pure bliss! Excited to see each other, spend any moment we can, which is very hard to come by as we both work 2 jobs, myself nights. You think I would be so happy and over the moon, but why am I not? I am worrying about stuff that never bothered me and I can’t stop!
I will admit we have not had time, or well bothered to go to the gym like we always did religously and I have gained a trival amount of weight to some, but a big deal to me that I am so upset and nervous about his cousins upcoming wedding in a few weeks where a girl he dated, not even serious will be there. Ok, I am not the type of girl that cares about the past. He is with me and not them and am not the jealous type. I never cared who he dated. But now, I am completely overwhelmed bc I feel for some reason since she and alot of people including most of his family will be seeing me for the first time as his wife and I dont feel good about my body the way I did on my wedding day or prewedding. FYI alot of his family was not at our wedding, just parents and sis due to we had an intimate ceremony. I know that sounds weird but I cant really explain it.
To top it off, he is so tired after work as well as I, that when we do spend time togethor we fall asleep. Thus no intimacy. I am not blaming him, he works 4 AM-1230 pm and then works 4pm to 11pm 5-6 days a week. So he is getting at the most 4 hrs asleep a day. I work 7p-7a full time 3 days a week, work 8-5pm 1-2 days a week and am in school. We accept and live with our schedule as we have been doing this ahile, but why now, all of a sudden am I ignoring the schedules and feel like he does not desire me.
I dont know, I always tend to get over emotional with weight gain, but dont understand the pressure I am putting on myself to be the perfect wife. He is so supportive and tries to lift my spirits but I also feel that I have now put a lot of pressure on him when he is already doing so much!
Any advice on how to snap out of this ridiculous funk?
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
awwwww, I am sorry you are going through this, it sounds like a combination of an EXTREMELY busy schedule and maybe a little bit of the post-wedding blues….You said the cousin’s wedding’s not for a few weeks, which is plenty of time to lose a little weight, if you focus on it and make it a priority…Same thing for being intimate with your hubby, sometimes you gotta put it on both of yours’ schedules, which isn’t exactly the sexiest or spontaneous thing in the world but if it makes it happen then….I literally have to write it in my planner and put it in his computer calendar when we both get super-busy (and you guys sound sooo busy)…I think it’s really common to get into a bit of a funk after one gets married, so maybe there are a few things coming up that you are excited about to focus on? Trips, vacations, projects, etc? Anyways, if worse comes to worse and you still feel unhappy with your weight as the wedding gets closer, buy a fabulous dress that hides the bad parts, shows off the good parts and makes your husband realize how gorgeous his wife is and walk into the wedding with your head held high…
Post # 4
So sorry you’re dealing with this! It sounds like you both are working really hard. This would be a busy, stressful time no matter where you are in your relationship. I think it’s important to remember that the wedding doesn’t make everything better. You still have to put forward a little effort to make the romance or whatever is missing, even putting it on the calendar like PP mentioned.
I really hear you on the weight thing, I’ve put on a little post-wedding and I’m working out more now but really felt unattractive with the change. I also have a similar situation with seeing his family for the first time as his wife about a month ago, at a funeral, so of course it was short notice and I didn’t have a great dress and these relatives didn’t know we were married (hey, I didn’t know they existed to invite them, weird!).
My advice: (I know it’s tough) — you have to be happy with yourself. If you have some idea of what a perfect wife is, make sure you both agree. It doesn’t have to be a 50s TV mom if you’re both working so much. Your husband probably doesn’t need you to take care of him. Just continue being the woman he feel in love with and grow in your relationship, don’t put an outside standard on it.