Post # 1
So there is a bit of an issue. I have never been married before, and this will be FI’s second wedding. So I am not sure what to do, or what I is supposed to be be doing about my bridal shower. We have a house together and have lived together for 2 years now. So needless to say, we have all the home essentials you could possibly need. But everything is mis matched. For instance, we have dishes, but a few from his set he had, and a few of my set that I had. No one ever has the same plate at dinner. So yes, I would love to have a shower, so I can have one complete set of something. I don’t know how the people that went to his first shower are going to take this. Do I invite these people his family are close with, or do I just invite the people I had in mind as “my side of the guest list”. I am completely lost with this and it has become a huge stress for me. Please give me your honest advice. Should I just forget about having a shower?????
Post # 3
I say have the shower and invite everybody. I personally think you should be able to do whatever you want regardless of who’s first time it is, but my impression/experience with other people being first time brides to men who’ve been married before, is that people still really believe that a woman should get the full “bride” experience. I doubt anybody would bat an eye at your having a shower.
Post # 4
I am also a first-time bride with a divorced DH. I say invite everyone. No one can blame you for that. If they feel like it’s too much, they don’t have to come. Our wedding was about 10 years after his previous one which is a long time and all of his family came and contributed. I can understand it being harder for them if it was closer, but more likely, they will be really excited and would be upset not to be invited. Don’t even worry about it…just do it!
Post # 5
I’m a second time bride and so is my FI. I wouldn’t be surprised if his parents decide to throw something. We’re already planning on having a party and inviting friends over (letting them gifts are NOT required!)
I honestly think that you should do what you want. If it’s your first time, have a shower and enjoy it! Invite people from both sides.
It’s kinda like babyshowers: even if you’ve already got one kid, you can still have a shower for the next! and the next… and the next… 😉 You get the idea.
I don’t think anyone is going to complain or gripe about it and if they do, let ’em. It’s not THEM getting married, it’s you and your FI!!!
Post # 6
Please don’t do option 2! I know that I would be very, very upset if I was excluded from an important event like a bridal shower! If I had found out that my family members soon to be wife had a bridal shower and didn’t invite me I would really be offended…
Post # 7
Yea, I would just invite everyone. You’re a new person in his life, and you deserve to have a party and be showered with gifts regardless of his past. If they feel that they should not give you a present, then it’s up to them not to come. I wouldn’t worry about it. Hope you get lots of fun things 🙂
Post # 8
We are the opposite (I’m a 2nd time bride, and he’s a 1st time groom). I don’t know if we’re having a shower because we’re so far out from the wedding and not anywhere near that stage yet. (I didn’t the first time around…we were “so in love” and eloped…got divorced a year later). If someone wants to throw us a shower, I won’t object just because I’ve been married before (it will have been over 10 years between my 1st and 2nd marriages).
I would invite both sides of the family.
Post # 9
I had a very similar situation… I ended up with 3 showers– 1) a few of our close friends went tubing down the river and then had a cookout- VERY informal. We didn’t really get gifts except a few gift cards. 2) One of my bridesmaids threw one while we were on vacation with my side of the family. 3) my other bridesmaid threw a coffee lunch the day before the wedding so that we could invite people from both sides.
His side really didn’t attend much, but we at least offered an invite.
Post # 10
Perhaps talk to his mother, sister or other close female relative and ask them. “We want to include everyone in our pre-wedding festivities but don’t want anyone to feel obligated about bringing a gift”
DH was married before but was in the military overseas so it was less of an issue for us.
Post # 11
I am a first time bride and my fiance is a 2nd time groom. We’ve lived together for about a year and don’t really need anything. However, we are having one shower and I didn’t invite his family. None of his family live in the same state as us. I hope I haven’t offended anyone!
Post # 12
I have a similar situation, although I don’t think his first wedding was as big of a deal not even sure if she had a shower. Either way that was about 10 years ago.
My shower was a few weeks ago and I opted to invite all, let them choose if they prefer not to come. More of his family came than mine and they were thrilled to be there.
Don’t let his past dictate you. That was then and this is now, you deserve everything any other bride gets
Post # 13
You never give your own shower–a friend or family member has to offer to do it. However, if someone offers, you may certainly accept. And the invitees can be anyone who is invited to the wedding. The old rules about having a shower only for a first wedding are gone at this point.