I am a terrible hostess

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

Ugh, no, you’re not being ridiculous at all – that would drive me mad too!  I don’t really have much I can offer in the way of advice, but believe me, I would be feeling exactly the same way that you are!

Post # 4
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

That’s crazy. You need to tell him the house rules. I wouldn’t be having all that in my house. This is my safe place, my peace.

 

Post # 6
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lalalyanne:  People can only take advantage of you to the extent that you let them.

The time to speak up was when he told you he was taking 10 days off work. ” That’s great -__ You are welcome to stay here __ and __ but that’s all we can offer as we have company coming.”

Now it’s way past time to ask him to find somewhere else to stay for the rest of his time off “so you can preserve the friendship.”

Post # 7
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Have your FI tell him to shape up or ship out. I would let him know when it’s time to be quiet ie- from 7pm until 11am, and no visitors.

Post # 8
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

You said he booked a week and a half off work – does that mean he’ll have no option but to go home in a few days’ time?  Maybe plan a little treat for BF and yourself once he’s gone, and you have the place back to yourselves.  Consider it a reward for being such good hosts (because at this stage, I really think you’re amazing hosts just to have put up with this for a whole week!).

Post # 10
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lalalyanne:  Time for your bf to grow a pair and give his friend “the talk”: no visitors, clean up after yourself, no noise after (say) 11pm… or you’re out. He should also ask friend for the key back so he can’t let himself in without your permission.

If bf doesn’t, then move out for the next few days.  bf will get the message even if friend doesn’t. In fact if it was me, I’d be tempted to skip the concert too.

Post # 11
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

@lalalyanne:  I would just start painting him as the ridiculous frat boy. I feel like people are walking all over you, and your trying not to be a bitch or the typical naggy girl, but sometimes people are assholes. And YOU are the woman of the house and should be treated with respect. I would have a sit down and explain to your FI how this is making you feel. They are basically treating you like a door mat, and you feel like you can’t even be comfortable in your own home. He should care about your feelings and want you to be happy again in your house.

Sometimes it’s okay to be the bitch.

Post # 12
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

Oh, so he’s a misogynist.  That definitely makes things more difficult – initially I thought he was just a nice guy with boundary issues.  Yeah, time to get BF to kick him out.  It seems pretty likely that he’ll say something like “oh, you’re just doing this because lalayanne *something something women something*”, but at least he’ll finally be out of your hair.  You shouldn’t have to put up with crap like that in your own home (or anywhere, but especially not in your own home).

Post # 14
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

@lalalyanne:  

I don’t think you’re being ridiculous…but at the same time you wrote that he had originally said he’d be there a week. Right? At the end of your post you said it’s been a week. 

Is he staying longer than he said?

If ‘the week’ is over, let it go. It’s all done now, but now that you know you can’t handle it- don’t get caught up in it again.

If he has over stayed the inital week. Time to set some house rules. Ask politely how much longer he plans on staying in town. Take it from there.

Personally, if I had reached the point you’re at whether after one day or ten days…It would have been made clear, mostly by my husbands doing. He would have spoken up. They are after all ‘the boys’. There would have been house rules from day one…We honestly don’t have any friends that would be behaving that way, but nonetheless that’s how we would go about it.

May I ask how old these guys are?

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