Post # 1
So my “ex” just messaged me after not speaking to me for years. Let’s have some background shall we? I was 19 years old, a college freshman, new to the area and hadn’t yet made friends. He was an extremely charismatic junior, not all that cute but funny, popular and charming (you know the type). Anyway, he was the first guy that got me in bed. Ever. And of course I was nuts about him, but he refused to ever upgrade us to anything more than “friends with benefits.” He manipulated the crap out of me for the entire time we were together, then once he figured out I wasn’t going all the way, dumped me, turned all his friends against me and stopped speaking to me.
I was an absolute mess for a good long while after that. 4 years later, I’ve all but forgotten him until I’m one day browsing facebook and I see I have a new message. Guess who wants an “update” on “how I’m doing?” Guess who also wanted to give me a very unsolicited update of how he’s doing?
Dead end job that he hates, no money for health insurance or weed (oh no, not the weed!!!) depression family problems no girlfriend. He also apparently heard from a mutual friend (creepy! I didn’t even know we had any mutual friends) about my new job and law school and says he’s “so proud of me” and he knew I’d “go farther than he ever could.” Of course if I ever want to talk, he’ll be there for me. Yeah.
I know he was fishing for a response and a “truth to be told, my life is horrible too…without YOU in it.” Nope. I’m actually pretty darn happy where I am right now, thank you very much. But thanks for the ego boost :D. And I flash backed to that 19 year old girl crying in her dorm room and thought “oh if only you knew.”
Oh how I love karma. And facebook. Bees, why on earth would he send me something like this? Am I way off base with he’s just fishing for a response? And has anything similar ever happened to yall?
Post # 3
haha, that is awesome. Sometimes I wish some of my deadbeat exes would send me a facebook message like that, it would totally make my day! I feel horrible for saying that….Oh well!!!!
Post # 4
obviously, the best response is no response at all, but how fun (and evil) would it be to respond with “I’m sorry, who is this?”
Post # 5
That’s never happened to me, but it definitely sounds like he’s fishing!! As tempting as it may be to give him an update, I would just delete without responding. Don’t open that can of worms. Your non-response will tell him everything he needs to know.
Post # 6
Hmmm Karma’s a bitch.
You say he was the first guy who got you in bed, but that he dumped you when you wouldn’t go all the way… So I’m a little confused about exactly what went down, but I’d say he’s either looking to get a taste of the “glory days” or is hoping your life is crapoy too despite what he heard.
Post # 7
@hisgoosiegirl: lol!!!! Awesome.
@SapphireSun: I’m assuming it was an “everything but” situation.
Post # 8
Post # 9
@SapphireSun: I can’t have sex for physical reasons, I’ve posted about it elsewhere. He was actually the first guy that got far enough to make me realize I had a problem in that area. We didn’t have sex but it definately wasn’t for lack of trying and he got so pissed off about it and we did pretty much everything else…mostly because I was 19 and stupid and was desperate to keep him. Yuck. I just want to go hug my 19 year old self and say “look where he is now! Soooo not worth it!”
Post # 10
I had a similar thing happen when I first starting dating my Fiance and almost fell for it. My ex f I was with for 10 months was all the same things as your ex, he sounds quite similar..even down to the no money for pot. He assured me he was separated from his wife and nothing was going on, and I found out that he was telling his wife they were getting back together..and the wife and I had a nice confrontation as he was playing both sides…MAJOR D-bag.
I dumped him immediately and neve spoke t ohim. Months later, when I began dating my Fiance, he called me in a panic..20 times a day he called me (until I had to file a restraining order) begging to have me back, how he can’t eat, sleep without me…
Blah. He was saying all this as Iwas sitting accross my Boyfriend or Best Friend of one month (now my Fiance….)…thinking, “maybe he has changed…and who knows where this will go..”
But then I snapped out of it quick, and oh man, ever happy I made the right choice.
Your ex is low, when people are low they want people in their life to lean on. No harm in that but you both are not friends. And you have moved on. My experience is, with people like that, you have to be firm, direct and almost mean.
I would probably not respond as he is most likely seeking comfort in you or wanting to engage in an emotional relationship or more with you..maybe re-kindle the last thing that he had that was good. You probably were, and he probably wants that back.
So stay strong, ignore him. If you must write a note, make it clear you and your fiance read his note and that you hope he takes care of himself however you two are not friends and you have absolutely no interest in engaging in a friendship or anything else and to not ever message you again or bother with you.
Post # 11
I would totally post an ” I’m sorry, do I know you? ” lol
Post # 12
@Dizbee: same exact thing happened to me, I was 19 also…I posted about it a month ago…sometimes men are just so dumb its too bad they were too slow to realize what they had when they had it!
Post # 13
@imalittlebirdie: LOL! It’s even funnier because there are one or two “major” exes that cross my mind every now and then, but he’s not even one of them!! Even though it seemed like the end of the world at the time. I guess you get a new perspective on things as you get older.
Post # 14
@Dizbee: The “I’m sorry but do I know you?” suggestions are funny! You should do that, lol.
Post # 15
He is lonely and probably just wants sex. I’ve had this happen a couple times in the past and what I have learned is that responding makes it much worse. Takes a creepy turn really quickly on his part into so lets meet up and “catch up” territory. Eww and a million times no lol. Just delete and enjoy knowing your life is super awesome and he is still a broke loser 🙂
Post # 16
Hahahaha that’s great! I love it!
Something like that happened to me once! This guy I used to mess around with when I was 19 (magical number?) messaged me about 1.5 years ago on facebook (4 years after we stopped hooking up–it wasn’t a bad ending though). When we were messing around he was so afraid that I would become attached and want to date him, but truth be told I was using him just as much as he was using me! Anyway, he messaged me on facebook and said he still thought of the “time we spent together” and thinks about me still. He KNEW I was in a serious relationship (it’s on facebook AND he knows the guy!) but said that he wanted to know if I still thought of him… I politely told him I was in a happy relationship and gave him an update about my life (we ended on good terms, so there wasn’t any reason to not reply). MAN was that an ego boost though! 🙂