- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
At the beginning of our wedding planning she said she wanted to be “involved” which meant she wanted to choose things like our wedding colors and guest list and had a temper tantrum (yelling, cursing, crying slamming doors) because my FI said he was going to choose the colors for his own wedding. He thought I could involve her in some wedding things to please her so I tried creating an event to better know his family and get them involved. A month ahead I asked for good days, booked a lovely event at my venue, asked to make sure the day was good and reminded them of the day. A week before FMIL cancels because she says she has to work. I would have thought because we planned it in advance and she told me that day it would be okay, but whatever, I asked FSIL and she still insists she is coming.
Well, day of I call her and go there and sit and wait while everyone else is there with their family and I’m waiting and insisting someone is meeting me. Finally when I reach her she says “Oh, didn’t realize that it was today, I’m not coming” I felt so stupid and rejected there by myself after all that time telling the maitre d that someone was coming to meet me. I tried to eat alone and then just cried. It was so depressing that no one showed up for me.
It’s only gotten worse from there. She doesn’t respond to anything and acts like a super “witch”. FMIL said that they wanted to be involved in the bridal shower. I gave them MOH info who had told me she was planning on doing one. I gave their info to MOH. She emailed them, called them, sent them letters, zero response. Never got involved, nor RSVPed, nor showed up to my bridal shower. Honestly, this really hurt.
I wanted his sister’s kids to be in the wedding and well as my sister’s children. We had talked about this early last summer and everything seemed cool.
I picked out a dress for the bridesmaids and young girls last september, I believe it was. She never made any arrangements to get the outfits for the kids. Eventually I bought her daughter’s dress (FMIL told me a size) bought accessories, bought shoes (I was told a size) etc. and gave them to FMIL so that FI niece could try them on. A month later FI gets a text that the shoes don’t fit. FI told his sister where I got them and said to just to exchange them. FSIL said that I should drive over, pick up the shoes, and exchange them for her (without her daughter there to try them on?) I told her if she wants to return them I have the receipt, but I’m not sure how they feel about refunds after 30days. I told her she could exchange them for any nice pair of shoes. I’m not that picky about what shoes they wear (plus, I’m busy planning a wedding. Can’t she worry about her kid’s shoes?)
I had showed her what I wanted to get for the boys. She didn’t think I should get suits from there and thought I should check out other stores that she liked better. I tried to look around more, but no other store had nice suitable tuxes for boys in my price range adn it’s not like she was helping. I liked the first thing I picked out. Eventually I figured, heck, it’s my wedding and my money, I’ll get what I want. At that point I told her if she could give me a size I’d pick them up. She never gave me a size. Eventually I just guessed because I don’t know what else to do. I told her I ordered something and I hope it fits him.
Now today, I got a message she left on my phone to call her, but FI asked that he call her first fearing that she would harass me.
Well, this week she got the invite for the rehearsal dinner and for some crazy reason didn’t think that her mom was invited? Her mom not only was invited she already responded she was coming and we all had spoken about it. Anyway, she flips out at FI over the phone saying how we are disrespecting their mom even though she is helping us pay (Not one person has not helped us pay a single dime) They get into an argument since everything she is saying is a lie and he hangs up.
She then left a message which FI asked me to play. She went on about how mothers are always right no matter what because without them we wouldn’t exist (umm okay??) and then said how inconvenient it is to have the rehearsal on a day that she has to work and how she already has enough to deal with asking to leave early for the wedding the next day. She has known about the wedding for well over a year.
Besides, it’s an invite, not a summons. No one is forcing her to go to the rehearsal. We purposely made it later in the evening so people could come after work, but we know not everyone is able to do everything. She didn’t make it to any other event on weekends so why is she now complaining about weekday events?
I was so annoyed hearing this all and seeing FI so upset that I left her an email. I stated that I was sorry for any confusion, but that FMIL was definitely invited to the rehearsal and dinner and we were sorry if she couldn’t make it, but understood not everyone’s schedules can work with ours, etc. I also mentioned separate meal options for children if she was interested.
Just got her response. She says “It would have been nice if you called me back instead of jumping into a conversation between my brother and I”
First of all, she has not responded to anything I have asked her, secondly, she called me and now that I’m responding I’m “jumping in” ? She says that doing the rehearsal during the week is “difficult” for people, okay not going, that’s fine.
Then she says that “Children don’t belong at an adult event” and children should never be at wedding receptions. Since when are weddings “adult events” anyway? I always thought of them as family events and if she doesn’t want her kids there then that’s fine, but why act like it’s not okay for any kids (my nieces and nephews) to be there? Okay, whatever maybe I’m taking it too personal.
Then she tells me “You should make sure that both children (her children) are ready like your nieces and nephews I’m sure.” Umm.. I’m sure my nieces and nephews will be ready because their parents will be tending to that. Why is this my job?
“In case you don’t come by to check (son’s) size this week” Why do I have to go out of my way to come measure your kid anyway? I don’t know, maybe I’m over reacting. Just really annoyed right now.
Maybe she’s angry because I emailed instead of called? I have a weird work schedule and I don’t really know her schedule. Also, to be honest it’s easier to get everything out there in writing instead of being interupted by her screaming at you.
It could be I’m in the wrong. I’m probably being snarky now too, I am just tired of it. I’m tired of her treating FI, and now me like crap. I really don’t understand how she can expect SO much of us; buying everything for her kids, measuring them, planning all our events around her schedule when she doesn’t even bother to show up at events?
I seriously just want to go off on her. The whole wedding planning she has been nothing but nasty and unsupportive.
Am I wrong that usually parents don’t expect the bride and groom to measure and dress their kids? It’s not even that she expects it as much as that she is mean and demanding about it. Telling me to come to her house, measure her kid, then go to the store, buy the clothes,etc. Can’t she bring her kid to the store or at least measure them herself??
No one else has complained about the rehearsal dinner. I don’t understand where she even got the idea that FMIL wasn’t invited as I can easily show her that her Mom was invited and is attending the dinner. Plus, it’s not like it wasn’t mentioned before.
Plus, a part of me feels like she has no right to complain about anything since this is our event and she has done absolutely zero to be involved. All she does is complain about everything. I just can’t take anymore. Both FI and I are sick of it. At this point I would not mind if she didn’t come. I do feel bad about the kids though. It isn’t their fault and I hate getting into a fight with his family just weeks before the wedding. On the other hand she has been treating me like crap all year and I just want to show her I won’t stand for it. Ugh.
Thanks for letting me vent to you, if anyone was willing to read all that! Had to get it off my chest.
What do you think? Am I over reacting? Am I all wrong? Maybe you can help me see it from her side?