(Closed) I am about to give up and cry…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@PerfectlyBlonde:  sorry to hear this.  Have you already put deposits down etc on venues or are you still in early stages?

Post # 4
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like what you want to do is have a destination wedding, and wouldn’t have to invite all of these people that you don’t want at your wedding. It sounds like a good option to me, but you need to think about what you would be happy doing for your big day!

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

  1. With regards to your bridesmaids – A sounds like more trouble than they’re worth. Especially if you think that they aren’t a true friend (obviously think it through carefully, because it can completely ruin a friendship to dump someone from being a BM without good reason). Maybe ask her if, because she’s planning a wedding too, she wants to step down as a bridesmaid (if she assumes you can’t manage the two roles, it’s fine for you to assume the same about her). 
    For bridesmaid B – give them a chance. My little sister was a bridesmaid at our SIL’s wedding and my sister (while a lovely, fun person), had no idea what is expected of a bridesmaid. I think you’d be better off telling her what you want her to do, rather than wait for an offer of help (you might just seem too competent to need help!).
  2. You will need to have a serious talk with your mother about invites. Yes, she wants to show you off on your big day, but it’s not fair that you will have to interact with people you don’t know (and you will have to do your best to talk to all the guests!). If she says she will pay for any extras (or she’s footing the bill, so she calls the shots), then you and your fiance need to think about how much you actually need the money from your mother if you can’t talk her down.
  3. I wouldn’t push it too much with your fiance especially if he’s already asked these guys to be his groomsmen. Imagine how it would feel to be invited to stand up with your friend on his big day, then get fired because the bride got rid of some bridesmaids? These are people that are obviously important to him, and very few guests will look at the bridal party and think it looks weird (oddly enough, they tend to focus on you – the bride and groom!).
  4. I don’t think you’re obligated to invite anyone you don’t feel comfortable inviting. Obviously it depends on your relationship with these people and how you think they would feel about not being invited (unless they are very close to your family, I doubt they will mind much).
  5. With regards to extended family, perhaps draw the line at first cousins and aunts/uncles? Depending on how far away they live and how close they are to you, chances are they won’t come anyway (or they’ll just send one member of the family as an ambassador).
  6. Unless people are going to be asking the cost of the dresses, no one will know (or care) how much it cost. Also, people are here to see you. Unless your mum’s dress shoots fireworks or something (or she’s showing up in another wedding dress), it’s highly unlikely it will ‘upstage’ you. All that matters is that you look great in the dress you’re wearing – no one will care if it cost $50 or $5,000 Smile
  7. Given that you are possibly asking a bridesmaid to step down, why not invite your cousin to be there? It would help with a lot of the issues you’ve mentioned (e.g. the uneven BMs and GMs), as well as you could use it as leverage when she tries to invite everyone she knows to the wedding “I’ll ask [cousin] to be a bridesmaid if you stop hassling me about inviting XYZ.” or something along those lines.
  8. Obviously, if you and your fiance are happy with eloping, go for it!! As long as you weigh up the pros and cons and both of you want to do it, then I think it’s a fantastic idea
  9. I’m sorry that you’re feeling so isolated and alone. Especially during what is meant to be such a happy time and we’ve been conditioned to feel that friends and family are meant to be happy for you and supportive, and all you seem to be getting is issues with your friends and angst from your mother. No wonder you’re stressed!! I can’t really recommend much here, except that you make sure you take plenty of time for yourself and your fiance – he’s the one you’re going through this for Smile

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am so sorry all this is happening at once.  I am also planning a wedding at home from a new city.  It is HARD work!

1) In regards to your BM situation – when i moved away I was SHOCKED at who I stayed in touch with and how I didn’t.  Sometime it hurt when friends I thought were close drifted away but it has made soem of my friendships stronger.  So my question for you is – which friends will be there in 5 years?  This might help make things clearer

2) I am in the same boat on this one!  I will let you know if I learn anything!

3)  You can figure this out!  Groomsmen can be ushers escorts of important people etc.  Give it some thougt you will be suprised what you can come up with!

4) See #2 (sorry)

5)  See #2 (sorry)

6) Shee can spend 10x the $ of your dress and STILL not be the bride.  It is tough and I understand your fustration but trust me you will be GLOWING in your bridal gown and she will just be wearing an expensive dress.

7) My mom also thinkis I should have my 19 year old cousin be a bridesmaid.  She and I are the closest of my cousins but I am not crazy abotu this idea.  I will be asking her to play another role (guest book attendent, reading, something like that).  IF you want her there do it – it might solve the BM not equal to GM thing but if not that is ok too!  Stand your ground!  My parents have a lot of say over the guest list but I draw the line at the bridal party.

8) I was just thinking this myself.  It is totally up to you.  There are always trade offs.  You just have to decied what is important to you!  While getting marriad on beach or in a courthouse sounds great on the serface the reason I stick with the traditional wedding is because I want to have my grandparents (85, 88, and 95 years old) with me on my wedding day.  Everytime I think of the beach wedding I replace it with a vision of dancing with my grandpa and I know in my heart I am making the right choice for me.

9)This point is what prompted my to respond.  Honestly, you are going through MAJOR life changes right now.  Seriosuly- one is enough to make a person go crazy and you are tackeling two head on.  Wedding planning is NOT easy (and not exactly fun all the time). I can see that you are trying to be respectful and trust me those around you see it too.  Sometimes we all need to vent – so do it (and drink some wine I swear it helps!)

In regards to the new city – hang it there! When I moved I cried – A LOT.   It is normal.   Moving is SO hard. It takes time to make new connections with people.  I promise it will get easier – don’t force it.  Just be your radiant awesome self and friends will come.  Also, moving away has made us a much stronger couple.  It will for you too!  Keep me posted on your progress!  I am pulling for you!

 

 

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