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Because apparently tradition states that only the family who pays gets credit?
Yes, that's correct b/c they are "hosting."
What is the problem? Maybe we can help you with the wording.
See if it matters to your parents. My parents are funding the WHOLE wedding, and his parents refuse to even attend. My parents were fine with us leaving all parent names off the invite and just putting our names as the hosts. That way, it doesn't seem like we're picking favorites.
I typically see invitations (no matter who is paying) that say something along the lines of:
Mr and Mrs Bride's Parents
request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's First name + middle name
to
Groom's first name + middle name
son of
Mr. and Mrs Groom's parents
That way both parents feel included but for your case your parent's are still recognized as the hosts.
Yes, typically the parents who are paying (hosting) the event, are listed on the invites. However, you can still include his parents on it if you want. It could say Mr and Mrs. bee-gotten's parents request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter to FI...son of Mr and Mrs. FI's parents.
There is no hard and set rule of what to say on your invitation. If you want to include them on it, then do so.
Who is "tradition"? Are you doing every single thing that is traditional? I seriously doubt it. Everyone picks and chooses and plenty of people throw this particular tradition out the window.
Further it is perfectly traditional to have both sets of names on the invite but to have only one set hosting/paying.
X and Y , parents of F invite you to F's marriage with Z sone of P and O
it's clear who's doing the inviting but his side is also named.
But if they will be hurt by that phrasing I would very strongly recommend not saying who is paying on the invite. IMO it is not worth hurt feelings to rub everyone's faces in who paid.
What you can do then, is say
Mr. and Mrs. Smith . . .
weddiing of their daughter/son
Jane/John Doe
daughter/son of
Mr. and Mrs. Jones.
That way you can put both names.
The "hosts" names are traditionally on the invitation but alot of people do the "together with their parents, Bride and Groom....."
Maybe we can help or offer some suggestions if we have some background?
We put "Together with their parents" because we paid for part of the wedding too. I think that's the easiest way to avoid any issues...
Okay, the background is that we asked FI's parents for money. "No". We asked for a loan "No". My Dad, on the other hand, is gifting is 5 grand. I want to honour him and not necessarily DIS honour them, but you know??
Yeah, why not put the "together with..." or "the son of..." Would your parents be p.o.ed? I think it would be a nice middle ground.
Some traditions are just silly, especially if they don't apply to you. I always feel bad when I receive invitations with only one set of parents on the invite (unless there's a good reason like death or they weren't close to their family).
Most invitations are to the ceremony with a small note about the reception. And for the ceremony I feel like the biggest thing happening is you guys becoming husband and wife, and for that both families should be represented.
If on the little thing at the bottom they only want to include whoever is funding the reception as them doing the inviting well whatever but for the main invitation both sets of parents are having their children be married and I think it's just disrespectful in a lot of cases not to acknowledge it, even if one set is funding it less than the other side.
I think "son of" is more appropriate. There is no "together with" lol...
@troubled: Ok, you make sense also. I could acknowledge my Dad re: the reception but print both sets of names of parents for the ceremony
We put together with their families bride and groom invite you blah blah. And honestly his parents paid for Rehearsal dinner and not for the wedding reception. But I didn't see the point in making the separation of the two.
We did this because we were contributing, my parents and his parents and other family members which is way too many to list on an invitation. And besides, who really reads the invitations now a days and goes "oh their parents are hosting and his isn't or vice versa"??
If you know that it is going to be a problem then don't put anyone's names.
My parents paid so they are on the invite. If they want to be acknowledge for "their side" tell them to kick down some $
Erm, I think yes, that is the "tradition". In our case, we were planning to pay it all ourselves, but my mom wanted to buy my dress and offered to pay half the reception costs. His parents were flying across the country (so we weren't going to ask for anything else!) but also wanted to host the rehearsal dinner (which I didn't know about when I did the invitations, by the way). We decided the most diplomatic thing was to say, "Together with their families, X & Y invite you to ..." etc.
Now in your case, it sounds like you FIL don't remotely deserve the consideration ... but the "together with their families" thing is sort of a vague way to get around actually leaving their names off altogether. If it would offend your parents (I'm not sure if they are paying, but I'm guessing that they are), then that would be a problem. If you explained the situation to them and said it might be a way to head off a bunch of grief, maybe they'd be fine with it.
I feel so bad for you brides with the difficult in-laws and in-laws-to-be!
To reitirate what most brides have said here...it is tradition to put the names of the parents hosting
BUT
who cares?! :)
I would say do what you want...lots of people dont know the traditions and etiquette of weddings...just the other day my mother asked "Why are you doing favours??? WHO DOEST THAT SERIOUSLY?" i was like....uhhh everyone?!
Read this post. She didn't list the groom's parents because at first they didn't help pay for anything and sent out the invites under that assumption. Then they ended up paying for something and are now upset.
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/disrespecting-our-guests
best to keep the peace and forgo "tradition"
We put 'together with their parents' as well because we're paying for wedding ourselves.
@Vintage2010: They would have been upset even if they hadn't paid for anything! It turns out they just felt that I was disrespecting their whole family and intentionally leaving them out, because they weren't mentioned. Apparently disrespect is their word of the week.
Not trying to hijack your thread, sorry! Just wanted to clarify that it's not even about the money most of the time, it's about feeling important and involved. I would say if it is going to be a big deal, find a way to put their name on the invites. Perhaps at FutureKMM suggested, it seems like a good idea!
We did FutureKMM's wording with both sets of parents on it even though my dad paid for it all.
@2292010- I know that your story is a little more involved but I was trying to point out to the original poster that there are other posts about offending parents when their names aren't on the invites. Your post was just the first one I came across.
We put "together with our parents" because his parents are helping out A LOT financially and my mother paid for my dress and accessories. I'd say do what you want.
I feel compelled to ask you to please reconsider constantly doing things to exacerbate this situation. My FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves but we will put both sets of names on the iviation if it truly matters to any one set of parents regardless of tradition. If either side chooses to help us out financially, we really appreciate it but we understand that no one is required to help uus out.
I know you have had problems with your in-laws, but I urge you to please avoid doing things that you know will only make the situation worse. It is not really a good note to start a marriage out on. They will be in your life forever, and I imagine that in 5 years time you will be tired of fighting with them. If you can do just this one thing to avoid creating even more bad blood, why not be the bigger person?
We are mostly paying for our own wedding, and my parents are going to contribute as well. My FIs parents are no longer with us. We also have a nearly 3 year old daughter and a soon to be born in about 3 weeks son.
What we have actually decided to do is word the invites as though our two children are inviting everyone to the wedding of their parents. Its cute and my parents think its a fantastic idea. :)
I'm wording it as:
"Helenberrycrunch and Beau request the honor of your presence..."
I honestly doubt anyone will notice.
I'm wording it as:
"Helenberrycrunch and Beau request the honor of your presence..."
I honestly doubt anyone will notice.
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I just read on another post that it's tradition to put the name of the parents on the invite who are PAYING for the wedding. Is this true? Because if it is, this is going to be another nail in my "Another thing that's for (insert my name) side and nothing for us?" coffin.
THEY AREN'T PAYING A SINGLE DIME. Please help.