- 6 years ago
I love my mother, let’s just get that out of the way. However, she suffers from some sort of psychological disorder. I’m am unsure as to what that disorder may be, but the future psychologist in me insists there is one. My mother can go from chirpy, happy, and upbeat to the most depressing, down-in-the-dumps low you’ve ever seen in your life, all over miniscule things. It was tough growing up with her. I never knew what to expect when I got off of the school bus. Would my mom be inside smiling and happy, asking me about my day? Or, would she be sitting in a dark room with her stereo blasting, and spend the evening scaring me into believing we were getting evicted and would be homeless? I never knew.
Today, my mother called me. We’re supposed to be going to a wedding Saturday, and she didn’t remember what time it was. She then proceeded to tell me that she didn’t even want to go to this “stupid” wedding (that she’s been gung-ho about for MONTHS), because she didn’t get invited to the bachelorette party this weekend. She told me that she wouldn’t have gone to it anyway, and I know she wouldn’t have (so why did she want to be invited?). Then, she insisted that the only reason she hadn’t gotten an invite was because the bride “hates” my sister. According to my mother, my sister is the belle of the ball. All that is beautiful, perfect, and wonderful in the world, my sister is. Thus, every other female must be teeming with jealousy over my amazing sister. Therefore, my mom was sure that this jealous vendetta that every woman has for my sister is the reason that none of us got invited to the bach party. Honestly, I didn’t care that I wasn’t invited. I didn’t expect nor did I want to be. The only people there were bridal party-only girls. So, I didn’t feel left out or anything. But, my mom’s feelings are hurt. I tried to explain to her that normally the bridesmaids throw the bach party and they usually just invite the people they know. It’s not a bridal shower where you invite middle-aged mothers of three.
I know, I know. You guys are probably thinking, what the hell does this have to do with my wedding? Well, the bride and her mother are giving me ALL of her wedding decor FREE. They are also planning to give me the most awesome, thoughtful wedding gift I’ve ever heard of (my mom spilled the beans and I wasn’t supposed to know). If my mom confronts them or acts shitty to them over this bachelorette thing, then things might not pan out so well for me. I am depending heavily on their donations, and I have been fearful ever since they offered that their relations with my mother would sour. My mother’s relations with everyone sour after a while. I’ve just been holding out hope that no big argument would happen until after my wedding ends. Their generosity has been such an amazingly relieving blessing for me. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t get the centerpieces and stuff from them. I certainly couldn’t afford to have those nice decorations. If my mom messes things up, I’m not sure that they’d still do those things for me, and my mom will also expect me to disown them, as well.
So, during our phone call, I was sick of hearing my mom mope and moan about how everybody hates my poor, misunderstood, absolutely perfect sister. So, I changed the conversation to the wedding I went to last night (I have a lot of weddings to attend this week). I told my mom that my aunt had found out about the wedding and was planning on coming (I was hoping not to have to invite this particular aunt). Mom got pissed about that, acting like she now doesn’t want to attend MY wedding because my aunt will be there. Then, I told her that one of my younger cousins asked to be a Junior BM, because I thought it was a cute idea. My mom’s reaction? “Oh, no. Do not let the little fat kid be in the wedding. I don’t want her in all of the pictures I put on Facebook!”
Oh. My. Gosh. I was just taken aback when my mom said something that rude about a child. I told her I didn’t care about a child being fat in my wedding pictures because I love the little girl and it’s not her fault she’s overweight. Then, mom was like, “What the hell? How many girls do you plan on having in this damn wedding?” Like it is going to inconvienience her if I have more than just my sister in my wedding. She’s not paying for ANYTHING. Not a cent. Everyone is buying their own attire. The wedding is going to be 15 minutes long, at the very most. Why does it matter how many girls I have standing up for me? Before I could answer, she said, “Was anybody else asking to be in it? I hope you tell everybody that you have enough brothers and sisters and that you don’t need anyone else in it!” It’s like she doesn’t want me to have any other BMs besides my sister, who is extremely unhelpful and self-centered (wonder why?). My mom got mad that I’m having FCIL or FSIL as my second BM. She doesn’t want me asking any of my cousins to stand up for me, either. Wtf?! She ended up hanging up on me after saying that she “hates weddings” and “all of this stupid ass shit”.
I just know that her shitty attitude is going to ruin my wedding. First, she’s probably going to end up making me lose out on the centerpieces, chair sashes, and table runners from the girl who is getting married Saturday. All because she thinks the girl is in some sort of plot against my sister. I don’t exactly know why a beautiful, successful woman who owns a home, has a career, and is getting married would be jealous of my 18-year-old sister. But, every girl must be jealous of my sister, though, because none of us can have her perfect bod </sarcasm>. Then, her attitude towards my father’s family and my FI’s family is just flat out crappy. She refuses to accept anyone. She hates the concept of family. If I even dare mention that I am including people other than my siblings in my wedding, she gets a snotty attitude and says something rude and uncalled for.
Yesterday, my sister and her boyfriend broke up. My mom commented on her status saying, “Happy relationships are a phoney concept. All anyone ever does is finds someone to tolerate for the rest of their lives. They’re not happy, they’re just putting up with someone. You’re too young to be stupid and tolerate somebody. You can have any guy you want. Go have fun and be single!” I knew that was a blow at me. My mom is constantly saying condescending things regarding me getting married (even though she’s engaged??). Like, “Your sister is going through a phase. Too bad you’re marrying yours!” or, “I’ll be there when you get married, and I’ll be there when you come home crying with divorce papers.” I am SOOOO sick of the negativity.
Sometimes, though, my mom is upbeat and all for my wedding/marriage. Those are her happy times. But, when she’s down in the dumps and being all depressing, I can’t deal with her. Usually, when there is a big event, she gets like that. IDK if it’s stress, or what. Both mine and my sisters graduation days she made us both feel like shit. All she did was complain and put down our fathers’ families and talk about how she didn’t want to be at our grad parties. Christmas, she always gets really depressed and makes us feel guilty after she insists on spending all of her money on gifts. Or, she’ll say, “You girls had good Christmases when you were young, your brother missed out.” Usually, every holiday ends in her being rude, grumpy, and pouting behind a slammed door.
I am so afraid that on my wedding day it’s gonna be, “I don’t have anything to wear to this stupid thing because I’m too fat.” “I don’t wanna be around these stupid fucking people.” “Lord, I hope this thing goes by fast and gets over with so I can go home.” “This is the most miserable trip of my life.” “What kind of food is this? Your brother and (future stepdad) aren’t gonna eat this bullshit!” “I’m not staying at the reception.” It will go on and on and on and on. I will end up in tears, just like I was on my graduation day. She’s not gonna want any of my aunts, cousins, or in-laws helping me get ready. Yet, she’s not gonna want to help me get ready. I’m just so scared my day is gonna be sad and stressful because she’s gonna be stressed and go into a depressed mode.