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I don't think I would ask them to stay with you but I would offer.
Everyone has their own comfort levels and some of your bridesmaids might prefer their own space. I don't think it's unrealistic to ask them to be present the day of the wedding by a specific time but I do think it's a bit demanding to ask them to stay in the suite with you.
I am sure some of them would be thrilled to take you up on an 'offer' to stay in the suite for free but some of them might rather get a good night's sleep in their own space and meet everyone the next morning. The wedding day makes for a lot of togetherness for the bridal party so it might benefit some of the bridesmaids to have space the night before and then they'll be refreshed and ready to celebrate all day long!
I'm assuming all of your BM's are adults, therefore I would give everyone the offer to stay in your suite, but not "demand" that they stay at the hotel. Unless they have a past history of never showing up on time and consistently driving drunk, I would think that they would be able to handle an open bar at the rehearsal.
Another option could be to not have an open bar at the rehearsal dinner and to just offer wine and beer to help reduce the odds of a hangover. And then let them party like rockstars at the actual wedding.
Do you really want to be squished into your bridal suite the night before with no alone time and possibly drunk people running around crazy until all hours of the night?
Personally, I'm looking forward to sleeping by myself the night before so I can be fully rested for the wedding.
I'd offer the suite as an option, tell them you'd love to have them there. And I'd mention the conveniences of doing that, as well as getting another room within the hotel. I'm sure most of them will want to do that. But it's not something you can really force on them, ya know? I don't know your BM's, but I'm sure they don't want to disappoint you so even if they choose other accommodations, they'll be sure to make it there on time. It's so hard not having control of the situation, but it will work out.
Yeah, I dont know if I would go for this personally. I would offer, but not demand. If that were me, I'd want to be in the comfort of my own house, you have to trust that the bridesmaids will be on time, thats not asking for much. I would hope they're not that irresponsible.
I would definitely offer it to them, just not make it a requirement. Personally, I really don't like the idea of sleeping in another bed with someone other than my husband, so just keep that in mind...not all the girls may be up for sharing a bed. As a bridesmaid, I'd probably be up for a slumber party (as long as I got my own bed/cot lol)...but then again, with 9 bridesmaids and a bride, I'd probably want a little escape from the estrogen until the next day when my bridesmaids duties REALLY kick in. lol
I agree with the pps. Offer but don't require.
Also, do all of your BMs know each other? If you have this relative, that high school friend, and the other one from college, they might feel uncomfortable "sleeping with strangers", so to speak :)
As for driving drunk, it's hard for me to know if you're being a overly nervous, or your BP typically behaves this way. If they do normally drive drunk, you'll need to rethink your alcohol plans for the RD. If they don't, I think you need to find your happy place, and let it all go.
If I were a bridesmaid I wouldn't want to sleep on a cot the night before the wedding I was in.
i definitely don't think you can require them to stay- and as for worrying about them getting in an accident because they drank too much and drove, can't the same be said for the other guests at the rehearsal dinner? i think it would be nice to have your girls there the night before, but with so many in the party, even if you get like half of them to stay, you will still have a very nice number of ladies to chill with that night. =)
I understand you want them all to be at the hotel to get ready in the morning with you, but that doesn't mean they have to sleep there. Just tell them they have to be at the hotel room by 9 or whatever. Think about this: If you have 10 people staying in this room, you still only have 1 shower, right? Are all 10 of you going to take turns with the shower? That would be so hectic! You and your bridesmaids will be much happier if you have several rooms, I promise. Offer to let them stay with you if they would like, but don't demand it.
Best case, a few will stay with you and the rest will either get their own rooms in the hotel or near by, and you all will get together in the morning. You can even have a brunch buffet for when they arrive, but there is no reason for them to sleep in your actual room. I can honestly say if I bride told me that I had to stay in her room because she didn't trust me not to get so drunk the night before that I would be too hung over to arrive on time I would be really offended. They are adults and your peers, not your children.
I agree with the others. Offer, but do not demand. They are adults; tell them what time you need them to be at your hotel on the wedding day and let them make their own decisions about where to stay. Nobody likes to be micromanaged.
As a bridesmaid, I'd want my own space the night before the wedding, especially if I wasn't close to the rest of the wedding party. It's going to be a long day, and 10 possibly drunk girls in one hotel suite doesn't sound like a recipe for a good night's sleep. And ten girls having to share one, two, or even three bathrooms on the morning of your wedding sounds like a disaster.
I know personally I wouldnt want to stay there. I like to have my own space & bed a cot is just not for me.
You could offer in case they want to but I wouldnt ask/ demand that they stay there.
A hotel probably will not allow you to have that many people in one room. Most rooms are limited to 4 people.
I'm of the mindset that they are adults and they should be trusted to act like adults. Offer the room to them but if they say no I really don't think you should try to force them to stay in your suite. If they get drunk and have a hangover I'm sure like most adults they'll have tylenol handy. I really think you are over thinking this and stressing about things that shouldn't be stressed over. Plus, cots are not comfortable and you don't want your bridal party waking up with back pain and being all uncomfortable the next day lol. Good luck!
It's a sweet thought. It is nice that you care so much about all of you BM's.. But, they are adults and I am sure they have had hangovers before, so I wouldn't worry too much about them. Offer them to stay with you, but don't stay up all night worrying if they decline. Plus, I a lot of adults with husbands/children/pets, don't like to spend the night out. I personally would never go for that. I like my own bed, plus I'm 27 and I just don't like sleepovers anymore.... and I like sleeping next to my hubby!
My friend recently suggested to me that we have girls night and like 6 of us could watch movies, eat popcorn and have a sleepover at her house. I thought she was kidding!! What a sweetheart though!
I would say this would be ok for the girls who WANT to do this, but don't make it mandatory. I, for one, would never be able to sleep in a room with that many other people, especially having to share one bathroom. I'd be a cranky mess the next day. Make it an option available to the girls if you like, but don't make it so that they feel like they *have* to do it. Also, many hotels limit the amount of guests in a room, so you may not actually be able to get cots for that many people in one place. And, if you are getting ready for the wedding in the suite, make sure you can get all the beds cleared out so that you have space and the "getting ready" pictures don't look like a bomb went off in the place!
Yeah a room with ten people sounds...not so good. Four grown women in one bed? A bit much. Also, I'm sure they've all had hangovers before and know how to deal with them. and I agree with nexus-i don't even think you can have that many people in one room. It just sounds really uncomfortable, and top that off with a hangover they'll probably be in worse shape than if they had just gone back to their own homes in their own beds.
Hey guys, thanks for your opinions. I was going to tell them as an OFFER vs. a demand anyway. I do trust them, but I have witnessed REALLY bad experiences as a bridesmaid in others weddings.
As someone mentioned, the other people at the rehearsal dinner are going to be drinking too and thats what worries me...other people. I trust my BMs 100% with drinking/driving, even if no alcohol was served, its mainly the other people out on the roads that worry me. Being that the rehearsal dinner is just a few blocks from downtown Fort Lauderdale on a Friday night, and the roads needed to be taken from the rehearsal dinner to any of the major highways to get home, is the one all the people leaving the clubs/bars will be using. However, to get from the rehearsal to the hotel there is a much quiter side street, and its only 0.3 miles away from the hotel, less than 1/2 a mile and I have walked it (most out of shape person ever lol) and made it in 4mins a 55seconds, in heels (just so I could tell people who have askked me if they need a cab or if its close enough to walk). And, I think these next 3 situations I have witnessed in the last 10 months will explain why I'm so paranoid about this...(I know someone mentioned I am stressing over something that I should be..but I beg to differ.
At my brothers wedding, this past Oct. one of the guest from the rehearsal dinner was leaving, VERY drunk.. and they only served beer and wine at the place (somehow he slipped by without someone stopping him), just as one of the BMs was leaving...needless to say he ran his car right into hers, it flipped over and to make a long story short she was rushed to the hospital, unconcious and had massive internal bleeding.. was put into a medically induced coma due to the pain she was in pain, and obviously, the wedding did not go on. :: KNOCK ON WOOD :: --- EVERYONE, please. Thank goodness she ended up okay after being in ICU for 6 weeks, but it was so HORRIBLE. And that just goes to show it's all the other people out on the road that worries me, and being that it is so close to downtown... I think u see my point.
The 2nd situation: One of the BM was not familar with the area, but was staying at an Aunts house in the area and was borrowing her car... she left the rehearsal dinner- and at about 4am the bride got a call from her Aunt saying she never returned home, here comes the next uh-oh, the bride had her cell phone she had left at the rehearsal dinner. They had NO WAY of gettin in touch with her.. and this was kind of in the country so she could have been anywhere. So all the family (I was staying at the Brides house) that knew the area went all over to try and find her- taking all different directions from the place of the rehearsal dinner to the direction of her house, hotel, brides house, etc. NO LUCK. Then they went at 1st light, and at around 12:30pm, they found her over 20miles past her Aunts, sitting on the side of the road in the middle of NO WHERE. She had drove around for hours trying to find someone to ask but, there was nothing around her..no gas station..and she ran out of gas...poor girl said only one car drove by the entire time and she couldn't get their attention! She was dead meat during the wedding. BTW SHE HAD NOT ONE SIP OF ALCOHOL.
3rd situation: After the rehearsal dinner, one of the BMs of my cousins wedding started to head home.. after about 15minutes of driving she pulled into a parking lot because she "felt buzzed and wasn't comfortable driving" she was planning to wait 30mins-1hr and see how she felt, and if she felt the same she was going to call someone to come get her. Well she fell asleep in her car, woke up to the sound of someone breaking her car's window... she got robbed. Luickly she was not harmed but still.
oh I do have a 4th situation I experience: Two bridesmaids left to go stay at one of the BMs house closest to the wedding location. The one driving had a about 2 glasses of wine, but had only water an hour before leaving, the other BM was DRUNK (she was only 20 but had a fake ID too and it was open bar, so, they really didn't check). They were pulled over on the side of the road because she was throwing up.. well in S.FL they pull u over if they suspect ANYTHING, so the cop approached them. He smelled alcohol and made the driver get out of the car, she blew a .06 which is under, but did not pass the sobriety road test.. then to top it off the passenger was caught with a fake ID and a BAC of .12 ! They were both arrested, spent the night in the "paddy wagon" and when we met in the AM at the salon we were getting ready at.. they looked like death!
And these are the only weddings i have been apart of, and have all been in the last 10 months!! So I'm a little freaked out to say the least....
If you are that concerned about people drinking at the rehearsal dinner there is an easy fix: DRY REHEARSAL.
Honestly, I think it is sweet that you are so concerned, but I think you are going a bit overboard with the drinking worries. Are these the same people from the other weddings you are mentioning who will be in yours? These all seem like three very extreme examples of what can go wrong. Your guests are adults and you are not their parent, I really don't think that you need to turn into (and I mean this in the nicest way), the drinking police regarding your rehearsal dinner.
What are you friends like? Do they have a habit of binge drinking and then getting behind the wheel? If so, how about providing transportation such as family members who offer to drive them and take them back to the hotel or a taxi. Do you think they will get too wasted the night before your wedding and not be able to show up? If so, this may mean they really aren't that good of friends if they can't control themselves for one night.
It sounds like you are just a genuinely nice person who is trying to make sure everyone stays safe, which is a wonderful thing, but it isn't your responsibility after the dinner is over. How about offering up the hotel room and asking a family member to drive you and the girls back to the hotel after the dinner? Otherwise, you really can't control what goes on. If someone was liable, it would be the restaurant for over-serving them. Besides, how long is your rehearsal dinner really going to last? I'm surprised you aren't more concerned about the wedding if you are having alcohol at that. Those are usually MUCH longer and people in general drink more there than at the dinner.
Holy cow! I can see why you would be concerned with experiences like that! Even so, I would say making it a dry rehearsal would be a better option than making them stay with you, plus it sounds like that might put your mind at ease a bit more anyway. Every rehearsal I've been to has been a really low key affair, usually just a dinner and over by 8 or 9. They're getting a big party the very next night, there's no reason why the rehearsal dinner has to be some big drink-fest.
I think if you are as concerned as you are, which I can understand why after those horror stories, that you should have a dry rehersal. Alcohol is just not that necessary at a rehersal.
All the ones I have been to have been very relaxed and mature affairs with toasts and gift exchanges. Not ragers, lol. I don't think there is any reason why you should have all that stress on you the night before your wedding because of something so small as alcohol. That just seems silly to me.
i know its long... sorry..
Let me clarity how many girls would be staying with me.. I said there are 9 in bridal party, 10 counting me….And I called the Marriott today to go over the room again, because I can’t remember everything about the room and when I go to the website and do the 360 view I can only see one TV area and it turns and looks into the bedroom. The floor plan keeps showing me the wrong suite.. so I explained how the suite is set up, and would like some of your opinion on the types of sofa beds they told me they use, and also a type of futon mattress they said they use PLEASE. I’m clueless about this stuff, so just let me know if they are the “good quality” like the woman claims..the names and everything I bolded if you want to scroll down to just that part! THANKS.
Of my 9 BM & MOHs, 2 BMs have asked if they can stay with me the night before in the suite (because they its a far drive home, and they are just going to have to come back early in the AM)....there are 2 are from out of town and don't have the money for a plane ticket, and money to rent a car plus money to rent the hotel room for two nights..(as they only planned on a plane ticket and wedding night at hotel) and they are both stressed as to what to do, so, I offered them the suite to stay in with me. I also told them about hotels that are close and cheaper than $169 but without a car and none of them cheaper enough to also rent a car, they quickly picked to stay in the suite.
My MOH is doing all the personal flowers as she is a floweriest and she has to be there after the rehearsal dinner and make/ help them, also she has to early in the AM, so I have offered her the suite, and she jumped at the offer!
I am going to bring it out to my other 3 BM that are local... although the rehearsal dinner and hotel are a good 45minutes for 1 and over and hour and a half for 2 in opposite directions! One is married so I sure she will either opt to stay with her hubby in a room to themselves, one has a bf and will do the same, and the other will probably pick the suite.
So counting me thats a total of 7 girls, that all know each other...like have been friends for the last 7years type friends, some over 14 years now and the oldest of my BM is 26!
Let me clarify a little on the suite.. its more like an apartment lol. I looked it up and called the hotel (Marriott) today to find out more info about the layout, sleeping arrangements, they allow up 18 adult guests to sleep there. It's 1390sq ft. thats 140 sq ft bigger than my 2bedroom and 2 and a half bath condo !
It has 2 full bathrooms, one in the lobby but has two doors, u can enter from the lobby area and from another bedroom, it has a stand up shower in there, then theres a the master bathroom connected to the bedroom via two doors, there’s another room that contains a free standing Jacuzzi tube w/ a rainfall shower head above, it’s not big, just perfect to take a nice bath, and shower if needed.... so theres 3 showers total, 2 toilets.
As far as beds go...there's the main bedroom has the king bed and the room has a sofa bed in it being that everything has been remodeled in this hotel, and its a suite, the woman told me the ALL of the sofa beds in this suite are the "upgraded ones".. I had to write it down because I had no idea what she was talking about but all the sofa beds in the suite are: Brighton Queen or DOUBLE Size Sleepers w a Sealy Posture Royale Mattress (I HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT SOFA BEDS or mattresses really.. so PLEASE let me know if this is a nice one girls can sleep on comfy). Nice to know..Though.
There is also a big "sitting area" thats part of the main bedroom that contains another sofa bed, but full/double size.. not queen.. whichever size is just slightly less than a queen? Although it is part of the MASTER room, they have HUGE sliding wooden doors between where the bed is, where the "sitting area" is so they are seperated but both have access to the bathroom, and where the master bed enters the living room area/rest of the suit, theres another set of doors,and they are sound proof.
The living room has two sofa beds, 1 is double, the other is a queen. Where the 2nd TV is, by the bar there is a futon, again, the lady told me it was "top of the line" with a Pulsar Futon Visco Mattress, and is bigger than a normal futon (anyone know futons to let me know if this in fact a good mattress for futon? I looked it up and just say it cost like $700 without a frame included..but price to me means nothing..someone with knowledge- lt me know)
There is one other room, I did not know about that contains a queen bed,on the opposite side of the suit, its closer to the lobby because the bathroom that is in the lobby is connected to the room.. thats where the 2nd door opens up into, a smaller bedroom! That room has one of the doors to it also thats sound proof.
So without cot, there’s a king bed, a queen bed, 4 sofa beds (2 queen, 2 double or full), and 1 double or full size futon, so each girl would have her own bed/sofa bed…and some are such good friends & we’ve had sleep overs since we were 10.. will pass out in the same bed! And I told them all, lights out NO MATTER WHAT.. 10:45pm. With the sound proof doors, I will get the peace, and quite I need as will the other girls, and privacy.
And as one mentioned I am going to see my BMs all AM the next day, but I haven’t seen some of them in 4years..all 10 of us have not been together at the same time in 4 years.. that’s a lot to catch up on.. and I am excited to spend time with them over a short period of time.
And yes, I asked the woman on the phone about getting the room nice, cleaned, and ready for when we get ready for pics and what not, and since my parents are getting a similar suite that will be pretty close to mine (just a few doors down the hall)- we are doing room service in their room 1st thing when we wake up, and they will be cleaning the room while we eat..so when we get back it will be picture perfect. Lol.
Even if it is dry, I am RIGHT by all the clubs, bars, etc. in which people I do not even know are drinking and driving and putting other people's lives at risk. All my family has picked to stay at the hotel that night, since the a lot are not local....its not my guests of bridal party I am worried about.. its everyone else out there on the roads. AndI know you can say that can happen anywhere, but I just feel that when you are a few blows away from where people are drinking and partying on a fri night, its more LIKELY to happen.. thats all.
Even if it is dry, I am RIGHT by all the clubs, bars, etc. in which people I do not even know are drinking and driving and putting other people's lives at risk. All my family has picked to stay at the hotel that night, since the a lot are not local....its not my guests of bridal party I am worried about.. its everyone else out there on the roads. AndI know you can say that can happen anywhere, but I just feel that when you are a few blows away from where people are drinking and partying on a fri night, its more LIKELY to happen.. thats all.
And everyone else who has mentioned that it be DRY....I agree, if anything beer and wine, but I know my guests know how to control themselves. Perhaps a glass of wine with dinner, but they know better before the big day. I totally trust their judgement and the guests that will be at the rehearsal dinner's judgement, but you are not understanding my concern in EVERYONE else on the road due to the location of the Rehearsal Dinner.
If people go go to head home... they are driving right into, and with all the people who been at the beach all day drinking, then went and had dinner with a few more drinks. Or they will run into people who have pre-gamed and are heading out for the night... or...they will run into people hoping from club to club. Even if they are 100% sober, like the BM in my brothers wedding, someone drunk can still be driving and cause a bad, horrible. or even worse, fatal accident, without it being the sober person fault at all.
Even if no alcohol was served, I would still be just as worried due to the area we are in..RIGHT by all the clubs, bars, etc. in which people I do not even know are drinking and driving and putting other people's lives at risk. All my family has picked to stay at the hotel that night, since a lot are not local....its not my guests or bridal party I am worried about.. its everyone else out there on the roads. And I know you can say that can happen anywhere, but I just feel that when you are a few blows away from where people are drinking and partying on a fri night, its more LIKELY to happen, where theres a higher concentration of places to drink, theres a higher rate of accidents resulting in accidents.
I forgot to mention, in the 1st story the guy who was drunk, was not a guest of my brothers wedding, he was at the place for another event. I was mistaken... and none of the girls in the prior situations that were drinking and got in trouble or the girl who got robbed are people I know.
i think its nice of u to offer for them to crash with u, n honestly i dont think its too much to ask for them to spend ONE night together in ur room.. i would love to be able to have a huge room like that n then i would ask my bms to do the same.. the way i see it, if they arent close enough to me to share a room with me for one night for my wedding then why are then in my bridal party? lol
I agree with PPs to offer your room but don't require that they stay. And are you actually that worried about them drinking and driving? I should hope not. If so, you may altogether have another issue on your hands.
As for me, I would appreciate the offer, but I like to be in my own bed with my FH at night and you may have BM's that feel that way too.
**** BIG TYPO**I forgot to mention, in the 1st story the guy who was drunk, was not a guest of my brothers wedding, he was at the place for another event. I was mistaken... and none of the girls in the prior situations that were drinking and got in trouble or the girl who got robbed are people THAT I DO NOT know.
@JenniMichele: I was going to offer my suite if they did not want to or could not afford to spend the extra money.. but if they wanted their own room at the same hotel that is COMPLETELY FINE!! I believe most are going to, because its a long drive for the 2 out of 9 who are married, and only one has a semi-serious boyfriend..so most are just single girls..all between 22-26. And refer to post # 27 about trust and everything. Its not the bridal party, its everyone else on those roads in this area
@bells: Yeh, we are all a really close group of friends, and I got so lucky the hotel decided to give me the room for 2 nights at at the group rate for the regular room, and of course the night of the wedding they do it all romantic and its complimentary! But how amazing is that!! Perfect to have your best friends with you when u get the butterflies in your stomach the night before, or the tears in your eyes...I know we will be laughing and having a good time but lights out is lights out.. and all my friends understand that..considering the next day is going to be a long one for all of us!
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Hey girls,
I wanted to get your opinion before I bring this up to all my BMs. The night of the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner, before the big day, I want all the entire Bridal Party to stay at the hotel that night. I have 9 in my bridal party and I have a 1200+ sq ft suite that can easily fit 10 cots if u move the dining table, some chairs etc. plus there are 2 couches that turn into a full size bed, and there are HUGE king bed. Being that all my bridal party are skinny, including me.. i find that with 8 cots + 2 couches that pull out to a full size beds, and my king size bed that all 10 girls can fit easily. This is the option if they do not want to pay for a room, at the room rate we got (which is $169). I think 2 or 3 of my BMs will just because they are bringing their husband or bf/gf and are not local and thats fine.
But I have the BIGGEST fear if they are not in that hotel with me the night of. 1- what if ((knock on wood)) they drink at the rehearsal dinner and get in a car wreck...that would be terrible and I'd feel responsible... 2- like i mentioned there are 9 in the bridal party + me + MOB + MOG that need to all get ready by 4pm. There will be someone on location to do all their hair, also, airbrush makeup as their foundation, and someone else to do all their eye makeup (part of their gift)... I don't have a lot of time to get everyone ready, and be stressing because some girls are running late.... 3. After a rehersal dinner with an open bar, I will have everything the girls need in case of hang overs (plus they wont have to drive to the hotel early in the AM)...I will have advil, bottled water, room service.. whatever they want... etc. therefore, no late BMs due to a hang over... 4. i will know where everyone is so when hair/makeup starts... they are there and ready.
Some of my BM have already asked me if I would mind if they stayed with me in my suite as they only have the $ to pay to spend the night of the wedding at the hotel and thats when this idea popped into my head. I think it isn't too much to ask because not only am I giving them the option to stay in a beautiful suite for free, and by no means are they having to sleep on the floor.. i mean 3 girls can fit in the bed with me...I can sleep through ANYTHING lol. The girls that want to and can afford to can get their own rooms in the hotel, they've blocked off rooms close to my suite for the BMs.....it will save them on gas, and from worrying about drinking and driving.
Please let me know if this is being a little over board, but really my main concern is their saftey!!!
.peace.love.happiness.