(Closed) I am being pressured- no not to get married

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

has your beau ever babysat?  try keeping one of the infants over night or something like that. he will definitely appreciate his freedom for a bit more (or it could back fire and he could be an awesome dad, at which point move to plan b) calculate the financial aspect of diapers, health insurance, college fund etc. (after he is able to succeed and have a financial plan move on to plan c… BABY MAKING TIME 😀

 

Seriously M’s son is a handful and a half so he has been my birth control. I definitely don’t want anymore kids lol…

Post # 4
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I had to deal with this before I got on  the baby bandwagon with him.LOL He has a 10yr old, so he knows how kids are, he just really wants some with me.

Before I got in with him, I often told him about my sucky job situation and it wasn’t ideal. I wanted a better teaching job, that paid more. It worked, although he still patted my belly asking about Jr.(I’m on board now though, even have a Fertility Friend account, but my financial situation is better. I still have the sucky job,but now I can think about it, rather than be deathly afraid of a ton of bills.)

Just keep reminding him about the financial aspects of it. Hope that helps!

Post # 6
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Politichick- I’ve been thinking about it, but I just thought aboutbooking a cruise for my sister and I, so I may have to wait a while. You can’t cruise if you are past 24 weeks and I would love any baby, but I gotta have one last Sister’s Cruise first.LOL 

I’m not that young, so I don’t want to put it on hold much longer. Been doing that for years.LOL

Yep, I know how the job situation is these days. Hopefully the economy will pick back up and he’ll ask you, so you can get baby fever to go along with his!

Post # 8
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

smiley sweetly and say nah…

Post # 9
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

HOw to response in the nicest way possible. Just tell them- Not “Me”. I have to be married first. Then we can think about babies once we have gotten to know one another as a married couple.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Easy response, “Well, obviously I’m next, because when you’re the last one it’s the only option to be next. But you’ll be waiting a few years for it.” And then smile sweetly and change the subject, preferably back to them, since people love to talk about themselves.

Post # 11
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am a little confused.  Is it just the friends from whom you feel pressure or also the boyfriend?  To the friends just say, “I’d love to and I’m sure we’ll be trying soon after we get married.”  Clearly set the ball outside of your court and keep repeating variants on it until they start bugging him about getting married.

Post # 12
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I am in the same boat sister, little sister just had her baby, and all her friend have had babies, and they keep asking me and my SO when we are going to have kids and our reply is after we get married. no mind you I just turned 21 and have been with this guy for 3 years this coming may. but we dont want kids yet and thats what we tell everyone, our goals are first to live together for a year before he proposes and have a house before he proposes, well sister, I got back from the Coast Guard in July and we just got a house. what are the chances of that happening in the same year that he tells me we gotta live together for a year before he even considers discussing it with me and that he wants to have a house first… andI just picked up a federal job working for the National Park Service. on top of that we have actually discussed marriage when I was away and in the military and it was easier to discuss over the phone. idk why it just was. so While we discussed our plans over the phone  we set a date *Sept 1, 2012. I havent brought it up yet to hiim that it is getting closer and closer bu I soon hope it happens. lol

Post # 13
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

and the house we just boughthas 3 bdrms and everytime my parents or his friends/coworkers walk into that room their comments are “the baby room” and “when are you two going to have some little ones around here” on top of that I really dont want kids until I am at least 25. only because myfirst EMT call was a SIDS baby. and thats something I will never forger. Stay strong and dont let them tell you how to run your relationships. have kids when your ready. and enjoy the time you have now cuz it sure will change

Post # 14
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Politichick:It’s tough to stay sane, isn’t it? My husband wants kids yesterday,too. You just have to stand your ground. Sounds like your man understands, it’s just your friends. Unless you tell them how much it’s freaking you out, they will keep joking. So which will help more:

1. tell them to stop asking? or

2. learn to ignore it, but at least you don’t have to make a big deal about it to your friends?

@Miss Peach Tree:Easy response, “Well, obviously I’m next, because when you’re the last one it’s the only option to be next. But you’ll be waiting a few years for it.” And then smile sweetly and change the subject, preferably back to them, since people love to talk about themselves.  Brilliant.

Post # 15
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ugh the bee keeps eating my messages.  My sister-in-law told me a phrase that will shut them up permanently, “What makes you think I can even have kids?”  You might want to avoid using that on sweet grandma and reserve it for those who are truly obnoxious though, because it is an in-your-face response to an inappropriate personal comment.

Post # 16
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

 

 I think @kay01’s comment is perfect for friends.

As far as the boyfriend, I’d point to my finger and add a plus 2 years and walk away!

As far as the birth control, get ye on BC pills or avoid intercourse (you can do other things.)

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