I am chief bridesmaid for a friend's wedding – what does this role entail?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

bachlorette – you can cover the bride’s costs and your cost- and let everyone who is invited know that they are having to pay for themselves…

you and moh should plan and organzie and pay for bridal shower- splitting costs between all of bridesmaids if all you plan it. those who plan got to pay….

you buy the dress/shoes bride picks.. if she want hair/make up– a certain way- bride should pay- unless she tells you upfront what she expects…

 

———– in my experience as a bride- my moh paid for the entire shower- the other bridesmaids help set up,decorate and cooked food for the shower, they also helped cleaned up.  for bachelorete party- moh covered my dinner and drink and ticket to comedy show and the rest of the girls paid for their meals/drinks and tickets. i helped with dresses 50% for each bridesmaid and didnt expect them to have matching shoes. i also paid for jewlery, breakfast the morning of wedding…

 

im cohosting my first bachlerote- so far i paid for the activity for everyone- while the cohost will pay for the food for everyone. we brought favors and prizes and snacks together for the slumber party portion of the night- and using movies we already own. and staying at one person’s house so we dont have extra fees..

Post # 3
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Deejayelle:  Where in the world are you (i.e. what country)?

Post # 4
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This totally depends on whether your friend is a normal person or a lunatic.

 

If you read through the forums, you will see tales of crazy brides who plan mandatory bridesmaid gatherings, hand out binders of duties, require specific hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and jewelry, expect bridesmaids to “help plan” whatever the hell that means, want an entire bachelorette weekend devoted to them, etc.

A normal human will ask you what you can afford to spend on a dress, and either pick a dress or hopefully allow you to have some input on the dress.  Then, you buy the dress and wear it to the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

justpeachy123:  HA! so true though, this could go one of two ways. 

Post # 8
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

you dont open their gifts– they do… you help load them into the car… you can do a slumber party thing-chick flick movies and nice dinner and snacks since bridal party is not of age to do strip clubs and bars… you can also go to a spa or painting studio class..

Post # 9
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Deejayelle:  My suggestion would be to organise a nice high tea somewhere (lots of restaurants particularly in hotels do this, some are expensive but others are very reasonable, especially if you’re not doing alcohol) – you and the other bridesmaids can cover the cost of the bride and the other guests can cover themselves (just let the guests know when you send out invites so there is no confusion).

I live in Australia too and while others may have had different experiences, every hens/bachelorette/shower I’ve attended (that’s not at someone’s house) guests have covered their costs, it’s never been an issue as everyone expects that to be the case. I’ve never known a bride who has expected her bridal party to cover the cost of everyone! It would be a little different if it was something small and casual held at someones home, in that case (in my experience) the host has paid. 

Just be really honest with your friend about this being new territory for you and that you’re not in a financial position to spend up big – I’m sure she will completely understand, no friend worth having wants their bridesmaids forking out more money than they can afford! 

Post # 10
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Deejayelle:  The reason I asked about country was because one poster mentioned a bridal shower. We don’t do them here (well I’m sure some people are importing that North American tradition, but it’s not the norm).

So it’s just a bachelorette (hens’ night) you would normally organise. If she prefers an afternoon tea, that’s fine. But for a hens’, the guests all pay their way. Then they all put in a little to cover the bride’s costs, or the organiser(s) cover the bride’s cost. So you’re up for a little expense, but not too much.

You don’t need to organise a stripper. I highly doubt she wants one at an afternoon tea with her family. But even if she does want a stripper, you don’t need to organise anything you’re not comfortable with.

You (or anyone else) doesn’t open gifts at the wedding. I don’t knew where your friend got that idea.

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