Post # 1
I asked her yesterday what I need to do as I’ve never been a BM before. She has already said I don’t need to make a speech.
She did say her FSIL has been going on about a bachelorette party so we may be able to organise it together…who pays for this? Only asking, because I can’t actually afford to spend a lot of money – finances are tight. The other BM’s are nieces (oldest being around 15) who don’t live locally. My friend has said she would be happy with an afternoon tea – nothing over the top as she hates unnecessary waste of money. She also doesn’t drink so a nightclub/alcohol would not interest her at all. She does have a huge family that would be invited. Feeding everyone will cost a fortune that I don’t have.
This is just so unchartered waters for me so any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 2
bachlorette – you can cover the bride’s costs and your cost- and let everyone who is invited know that they are having to pay for themselves…
you and moh should plan and organzie and pay for bridal shower- splitting costs between all of bridesmaids if all you plan it. those who plan got to pay….
you buy the dress/shoes bride picks.. if she want hair/make up– a certain way- bride should pay- unless she tells you upfront what she expects…
———– in my experience as a bride- my moh paid for the entire shower- the other bridesmaids help set up,decorate and cooked food for the shower, they also helped cleaned up. for bachelorete party- moh covered my dinner and drink and ticket to comedy show and the rest of the girls paid for their meals/drinks and tickets. i helped with dresses 50% for each bridesmaid and didnt expect them to have matching shoes. i also paid for jewlery, breakfast the morning of wedding…
im cohosting my first bachlerote- so far i paid for the activity for everyone- while the cohost will pay for the food for everyone. we brought favors and prizes and snacks together for the slumber party portion of the night- and using movies we already own. and staying at one person’s house so we dont have extra fees..
Post # 3
Deejayelle: Where in the world are you (i.e. what country)?
Post # 4
This totally depends on whether your friend is a normal person or a lunatic.
If you read through the forums, you will see tales of crazy brides who plan mandatory bridesmaid gatherings, hand out binders of duties, require specific hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and jewelry, expect bridesmaids to “help plan” whatever the hell that means, want an entire bachelorette weekend devoted to them, etc.
A normal human will ask you what you can afford to spend on a dress, and either pick a dress or hopefully allow you to have some input on the dress. Then, you buy the dress and wear it to the wedding.
Post # 5
aussiemum1248: I’m in Australia!
Post # 6
justpeachy123: HA! so true though, this could go one of two ways.
Post # 7
asianyoushi: The other BM’s are nieces who are children – young teens, and there is no MOH so it looks like it’s all on me! I am the only adult in the bridal party :-/ these kids aren’t local either, but anything I plan would have to take them into account in case they do come. She did say her and her FI have a rule that you can look but you can’t touch…then I thought ‘oh god, do I have to pay for a stripper?!’.
As for the wedding itself, the bride has decided on dress and shoe colours, but she’s not fussy on what shade of the colour or style, meaning we can spend what we can afford. Hair and makeup is our own choice/expense as well (if we decide to get it professionally done).
Gosh, this seems so hard! I’ve only organised one event and that was my sister’s baby shower and that was really stressful!
justpeachy123: oh she’s far from a lunatic! I asked if she needed help with planning of anything with the engagement party/wedding, and she said that she’s really lucky because her FI wants to be involved in every aspect of planning.
My friend did say that I would need to open all the presents at the wedding – is this a thing? I thought the bride and groom take them home and open them and write their thank you notes?
Post # 8
you dont open their gifts– they do… you help load them into the car… you can do a slumber party thing-chick flick movies and nice dinner and snacks since bridal party is not of age to do strip clubs and bars… you can also go to a spa or painting studio class..
Post # 9
Deejayelle: My suggestion would be to organise a nice high tea somewhere (lots of restaurants particularly in hotels do this, some are expensive but others are very reasonable, especially if you’re not doing alcohol) – you and the other bridesmaids can cover the cost of the bride and the other guests can cover themselves (just let the guests know when you send out invites so there is no confusion).
I live in Australia too and while others may have had different experiences, every hens/bachelorette/shower I’ve attended (that’s not at someone’s house) guests have covered their costs, it’s never been an issue as everyone expects that to be the case. I’ve never known a bride who has expected her bridal party to cover the cost of everyone! It would be a little different if it was something small and casual held at someones home, in that case (in my experience) the host has paid.
Just be really honest with your friend about this being new territory for you and that you’re not in a financial position to spend up big – I’m sure she will completely understand, no friend worth having wants their bridesmaids forking out more money than they can afford!
Post # 10
Deejayelle: The reason I asked about country was because one poster mentioned a bridal shower. We don’t do them here (well I’m sure some people are importing that North American tradition, but it’s not the norm).
So it’s just a bachelorette (hens’ night) you would normally organise. If she prefers an afternoon tea, that’s fine. But for a hens’, the guests all pay their way. Then they all put in a little to cover the bride’s costs, or the organiser(s) cover the bride’s cost. So you’re up for a little expense, but not too much.
You don’t need to organise a stripper. I highly doubt she wants one at an afternoon tea with her family. But even if she does want a stripper, you don’t need to organise anything you’re not comfortable with.
You (or anyone else) doesn’t open gifts at the wedding. I don’t knew where your friend got that idea.