Post # 1
Here is the nutshell background first. When FI and I got engaged May 2010 I suggested that we do a DW. He was much less than enthusiastic on the idea so I dropped it and began happily planning a wedding here in Pittsburgh. We asked people to be in our bridal party, are planning a bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas, put a deposit down on our photographer (the good ones book early here! I emailed 3 of my favorites back in Sept of 2010 and they were already booked) and purchased my dress.
So then it all went downhill after a free dance lesson. . .
FI and I really enjoyed the dance lesson and chatted about how fun it would be to do a special dance at the wedding. When the teacher told us how much it cost ($500 for 4 classes) I immediately dropped the idea for my mind but before I could say anything FI was telling the dance instructor that we would call her next week to pay for the classes. WHAATTT?? I quickly interjected that we could contact her after we discussed fitting it into our sad excuse of a budget.
On our way home I told him that the lessons wouldn’t fit on our budget especially because his mom is giving us enough money to barely cover the food so we are on the hook for the rest of the wedding and so far he is not doing any of the saving it is only me right now.
Well he then on a whim decided that he doesn’t want to do the regular wedding now he wants to have a DW because it is going to be cheaper and suddenly he doesn’t care about our friends and family and wants to have these stupid dance lessons. WHAATT??
ARGH. I am just really confused on the one hand it would save us some money and it is what I wanted to do in the first place. But my family won’t be able to come because of the cost. On the other hand I really want to walk down the aisle at my church in my dress surrounded by the love of our friends and family.
I am worried that either decision I make, I will regret.
I am sorry it’s so long, if you made it this far thanks for listening. Any words of wisdom??
Post # 3
I’m sorry, that’s a difficult decision. Maybe let him calm down for a week or so and discuss it when he’s not so hung up on dance lessons. You both might be able to come to a better decision when you’ve had some time to think.
Post # 4
Is there any chance you could still do a DW and use some of the money you were budgeting for the bigger wedding to help immediate family members with their travel?
I wanted a DW as well and my FI wanted the big wedding. We’re having the big wedding he wanted and I know it’s going to be an amazing day. But at least once a day I think it might have been just as nice to have our immediate families only on a beach somewhere!
I think you’re going to second guess yourself either way BUT once the day comes, you won’t have any regrets because you’re marrying your best friend and that’s what matters most!
Post # 5
Have a DW then a reception when you return with your family and friends. You’ll get to wear your dress twice (BONUS!) and the two of you can show of the dance moves you learn.
Post # 7
I also really like the idea of a DW and reception for your friends and family when you are back home. Then your wedding/honeymoon can be intamate and romantic and when you come home you can just have a good time with those you love!
Post # 8
Well since it doesn’t appear you have sent out invites/ STDs, or booked a venue – the decision is still up to you w/o you having to loose out on deposits.
SO, you and your FI need to sit down and weigh out the pros & cons of each and come to a joint decision. We thought for a bit about a DW, but knew that most of our friends wouldn’t be able to come, and it was important to both of us that they were there.
There is nothing wrong with changing your mind, but you and him need to be in agreeance on how you want to spend your budget.
Post # 9
i am sorry what is a dw??
Post # 10
@KevinsWife: destination wedding