(Closed) I am going crazy

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Deeeeep breath. Okay, jr BM’s mom is weird. What was the reason for her daughter not being able to be in the wedding any more?

As for the BM, I just went through this EXACT thing this week. Does the BM have a big role in the wedding or is she doing just the walk down the aisle, stand there and look pretty type thing? If her role is minor, don’t sweat it (trust me) and just let MOH or another BM fill her in on the wedding day. It’s not overly complicated although I know you’re stressed about it. I don’t think you need to change the rehearsal date because of her. I would tell her how disappointed you are that she’s done that knowing that that is the date of the rehearsal and  that she’s hurt you, but don’t change everything because of her poor decision making skills.

Now. Men. Why is he going away for a week?! Is he crazy?! Is there a way to postpone is trip or make it shorter? I think guys (or more specifically grooms) don’t think it’s such a big deal. They’ve been watching us brides work away like busy little bees (pun intended) and think we’re so capable and have everything under control and don’t need to contribute because we don’t need them. I mean, it’s great being capable, but they don’t realize that even making a few phone calls or acting as emotional support is a BIG deal. I would talk to him and tell him you really do need his help and is there some way to change this trip. Give him a list of specific “groom to-do” tasks. I know my FI doesn’t know how to help because I have the list in my head, he’s not a mind reader. If you tell him how you need help, he’ll step up. 

Post # 4
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Yikes.. I also would like to know why the Jr. BM’s mom pulled her out.

Does your bridesmaid have plans that can’t be changed (a family obligation, work, etc?) or did she just make plans to do something else like hang out with friends or something.  Unless it really is a can’t miss event I think you should talk to her and let know that attending the rehearsal really is part of the commitment to be in a wedding and you should have to change everyone else’s plans to accomodate her.

I’ll admit the hubs was pretty not helpful through the whole process.  Mostly because he’s super laid back and just doesn’t really have strong feelings on making things perfect.  If you need him to help you out and be more involved be direct with him and tell him what’s what.  He doesn’t know you need help unless you ask.  And if he is travelling for anything other than work he needs to reschedule.. now.

 

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

So is your FSIL not coming to the wedding? Couldn’t someone else be in charge of picking up the Jr BM and wrangling her for the day? How old is she?

Okay, so now you’re missing BM, flower girl and ring bearer? What’s her excuse?

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

And just to agree with what a previous poster said, I would tell her that she made a commitment to coming to the rehearsal dinner by being a bridesmaid. She needs to honour her commitment to you and your wedding. That hit home for the BM I had the same issue with and she changed her plans thankfully.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Tell her that she made a commitment to your wedding and that she has to come, it’s not an optional event. I’m sure her family would understand. She’s just going to have to deal with it. End of story. It’s not your problem she forgot.

Is FSIL coming to the wedding or working? No kidding her daughter is upset, I’m sure she’s really excited to be a jr BM! Could her dad bring her? Or can your FI talk to his sister, maybe he can reason with her.

Post # 10
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah FSIL needs to make other plans.  If she absolutely can’t miss work there is no reason why her husband or another family member can’t bring the Jr. Bridesmaid.  What a weirdo.. if she wants to ruin your day that’s one thing but why disappoint her own daughter like that?

I would try to talk to your BM again and remind her that she made a commitment and she needs to be there… dinner with friends can be rescheduled to any other day.  End of story.

Post # 11
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

Is the Jr. Bridesmaid thing a money issue? Maybe she can’t afford to pay for the dress?

Just trying to throw a bone here….

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