I am going to resent my future FIL for a long time..

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@octoberbaby:  Elope. It’s your wedding not his. No way you should give him your wedding presents. If I was a guest and purchased a gift for you then heard the FIL was the one who actually got it I would be pretty angry. 

Post # 4
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hell.no. You don’t HAVE to do anything. Tell him to cancel everything he planned or HE pays for it. Stand up to him. That’s not fair to you newlyweds to have to fork over your wedding gifts to cover what HE wanted.

 

Then kick him in the balls.

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Uh I would not be giving him any $ that is for damn sure!

Post # 6
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@octoberbaby:  DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR WEDDING GIFTS. HE is being a jackass, having the wedding HE wants, and wants you to pay him back for it. I DON’T EFFING THINK SO. You tell him listen up FIL, YOU wanted this extravagant wedding, and extra guests. YOU can pay for it, and if you don’t like it, we will be hosting the wedding the way WE want it, your extra guests can kick rocks, and we don’t need your money. End of conversation.

Post # 7
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ahh this makes my blood boil for you!  Definitely do not give him a dime, and tell him if he can’t pay for it, then cancel it and do the wedding YOU want.  Good luck and I hope it works out!

Post # 8
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

You and your FI have to stan up for yourselves.  This is ridiculous, how did he get so involved?  It’s not his party.  And if he offered to pay for it, it is so rude and humiliating to then ask you for the money/gifts to reimburse him.  Cancel everything and do what you want. 

Post # 9
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You have every right to be angry! He’s being cheap and forced something on you that you didn’t want. Either you have the wedding that you wanted or he pays for what he wants.

And, it’s possible that you won’t even get enough to cover the bill. We for sure didn’t get that much from our 45 guests.

Post # 11
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@figgnewton:  LOL at ‘then kick him in the balls.’ Thanks for making me laugh on this seemingly neverending Friday afternoon 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@octoberbaby:  That is absurd. I would tell him he can cancel the services, that you never asked for- and attempt to get his money back. It is not your responsbility. I understand taht weddings are a family event and some people “must have” certain elements if their family/friends are coming- but then they should pay for them! And that is it! 

Post # 13
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@octoberbaby:  Wow!!! He wants your gifts?! I would be fuming too! My dad offered to pay for everything and my mom wanted to invite the whole family. I don’t even talk to my family. And my dad was inviting 10 ppl too. His friends. And we originally wanted a simple, small, backyard wedding with like 15 ppl. It ended up being close to 100. I cancelled everything and now FI and I are eloping. Just the two of us. 

Post # 14
Member
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

So what does your fiancé say about all this?

Post # 15
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I agree with the others.  Just tell him if he can’t pay for it, to cancel it.  You never asked for it anyways.  Then, I’d either plan the wedding I originally intended, or elope.  Those gifts are for YOU AND YOUR FIANCE, not to finance a wedding.

Post # 16
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with PPs, you need to either elope, cancel it all and do it your way, or stand up to him and say that he offered to pay with no strings attached and he should honour this. 

Whatever you do, do not give him your wedding gifts.

I am not saying that money can only be given as a gift nor that it must always be paid back, every circumstance is different. But what I do think is that any expectations of what will happen in this regard must be made clear and understood by all parties involved before any money is given. Your FIL did not do this and, therefore, you do not owe them anything. At the end of the day it was his decision to spend all the money and I would get your fiancé to tell him this. You and your fiancé need to be united on this front and he should support you and you him. 

I hope it all works out. 

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