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I think you need to talk to a priest about that. If you are already married, I don't think the church will marry you again. It might just have to be a convalidation. But like I said, you'd get the best info from her priest.
@JTAS: You can't have both as the Catholic Church explicitly forbids it.
Can. 1127 §3. It is forbidden to have another religious celebration of the same marriage to give or renew matrimonial consent before or after the canonical celebration according to the norm of §1. Likewise, there is not to be a religious celebration in which the Catholic who is assisting and a non-Catholic minister together, using their own rites, ask for the consent of the parties.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P41.HTM
The only way to be validly married in the eyes of the Catholic Church is to either (1) have a wedding in a Catholic church in the "Canonical Form" (i.e. Catholic wedding) or (2) to request a Dispensation from the Canonical Form of Marriage and have a Hindu wedding. You can't have both.
I know people often get upset when hearing this because it shatters their dream of an "ideal wedding", but keep in mind that the Catholic Church isn't trying to give you your "ideal wedding" but rather is working to ensure God's Divine Law is enacted on earth. Sorry.
@CoffeeHound: If you google it, you'll see that some priests in fact allow these types of weddings. There have been Catholic/Hindu weddings before. It may not be "right" to you or to some priests, but there are definitely priests who perform "joint weddings".
I know other couples such as myself (white/Indian) who have had weddings like this. We had our first wedding in India and our 2nd American wedding here in the U.S., so we didn't "combine" anything. I think whatever works best for you is the way to go. As far as food, I would just hire two caterers and have the appropriate amounts for both Indians and Americans. Remember some will eat both, too. At our American wedding this year we offered a veg Indian stew and so many American friends/family tried it and loved it! Likewise, my husband's Indian friends loved the American chicken and salmon dishes.
Good luck!
Thanks Jenn. How long did the Indian ceremony take to complete? Did you ever consider having the Indian ceremony in the US?
Found this blog on google...maybe you'll find it to be helpful? Looks like this couple had the Catholic wedding first and the Hindu ceremony a month later. Both took place in the US.
http://mybigfatcatholichinduwedding-hindu.blogspot.com/
I did see that, but we would like to have both ceremonies in one day as it would be easier for our guests to attend both ceremonies if they were held in a central location.
We had an abbreviated Hindu ceremony. It lasted about two hours. Very short for an Indian wedding! Then the reception lasted about five hours or so. We had poojas the day before and after the wedding, too.
We never considered having it here, because my husband's entire family and childhood friends live in India. There is no way they would have all flown here, nor my family could have flown there. Super expensive, not to mention other logistical problems...
The two weddings worked out great for us, but had we had the option to have one big wedding, I would have loved planning that, too!! I know of so many people who have had these weddings (one big Indian/other). If you do a google search, you'll find some blogs that give lots of great ideas! PM me if you want more details.
@Jenn23: It's not about being "right", it's about the wedding being valid. If you do not follow Canon Law, your wedding will not be valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church and you will not be eligible to receive Communion. In effect, you distance yourself from the Catholic Church.
As far as Google is concerned, you can find anything there. Someone on this forum was married by a "womanpriest" and excommunicated herself - but she had the joint Catholic/Jewish wedding that she wanted and she still believes it's valid. Similarly, you can find a "Catholic" priest that will perform ceremonies like this, but they will not be valid.
As far as "whatever works best for you", that's fine if you decide that you are no longer Catholic. However, if you wish to remain a Catholic in good standing with the Church, you need to follow Canon Law, just like if you wish to remain a citizen of the US in good standing, you need to follow its laws.
Think of it this way: if you wanted a gay marriage in Florida, or a polygamist marriage in Utah, or to marry your biological father in Tennessee, or get married via a sticky note in Seattle, it would be an invalid marriage. You could still do it, but you wouldn't be afforded the rights of a spouse and might even get arrested. It's the same thing in the Catholic Church if you violate form (e.g. by getting married twice in one day).
"...but so and so had a wedding like this..." that doesn't mean that So and So's marriage is valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church.
@CoffeeHound: I totally understand what you are saying. The point is that the OP didn't ask for advice on whether or not you or anybody else thinks the marriage will be valid. He asked for advice on which order to have the Hindu and Catholic ceremonies. He didn't ask if it was OK or not. I was simply telling him I knew of people who did this because you simply stated, "You can't have both as the Catholic Church explicitly forbids it." which I don't think is necessarily true. (I still could be wrong as I don't know much about Catholicism) I just know that I've heard of couples having joint Catholic/Hindu weddings and wanted to point that out to him. He came here for advice about that, not for advice as to whether or not the marriage would be valid.
@Jenn23: I cited Canon Law. It is explicitly forbidden. There's really no way to challenge that, as Canon Law isn't up for interpretation, and not even a priest can change that (a bishop could, though).
As far as "valid vs. invalid" - when someone asks how to have a Catholic wedding, I assume that means a valid Catholic wedding, since an invalid wedding is not considered by Catholics to be a wedding at all. If the OP desires to have a Catholic-themed wedding (but not a Catholic wedding), then she can do whatever she wants as there are no rules. But she cannot have a Catholic wedding in the manner described.
The "loophole" would if you had a Hindu wedding then a Catholic convalidation later. However, a priest wouldn't agree to that in the same day. You would probably make you wait months between and in the meantime you could not have marital relations. Also, most churches won't let you walk down the aisle and perform a full ceremony for a convalidation. Since your first marriage is considered scandal, you are usually required to have a very small convalidation ceremony (though that can vary).
@CoffeeHound: I can appreciate the ecclesiastical argument, but this is unnecessarily confusing. The State of New York will consider it valid provided the forms are filled in and the officiant licensed to perform marriages.
OP - It may be wise to begin speaking to Catholic officiants now to discuss the various religious and logistical issues involved.
My personal thought would be that it's better to have the Catholic ceremony first, followed by the Hindu.
@teaadntoast: What is confusing? It would be illegal in the Catholic Church to have two weddings. Doing so makes the wedding invalid. It's as simple as that.
And I cited my reference in case you don't believe me.
This isn't about the marriage being invalid in regards to the government as someone stated about New York. The Church, rather unfortunately for some, does not allow another religious ceremony to occur before or after in church ceremony. As @CoffeeHound said, that is the Church law. If you do find a priest willing to perform these ceremonies (there are some that would--I don't know a specific one but I'm sure there are), you'll want to check with the Diocesan website or office to ensure that they are in fact a priest in good standing. While I'm for interfaith marriages, the Church discourages two ceremonies.
Just trying to understand (raised Catholic with an invalid marriage here) if they get a dispensation and have a Hindu ceremony where they incorporate some Catholic traditions and have a priest there for a blessing...that would be fine?
@Edina: I am not an expert on this, but I did attempt to plan a Catholic/Orthodox combination ceremony. From what I understand, a "joint ceremony" where both religious leaders co-officiate is not possible. In my case, the Orthodox would have allowed a Catholic priest to be there and do a reading or something, but wouldn't be allowed to wear his vestments or perform any of the rites. I wont get into the strange relationship between the Orthodox and Catholic churches, because that is a bit off topic. In the end we just decided to have the Catholic ceremony.
If the OP can get dispensation from the bishop, then I don't think the Catholic priest has to be present to give a blessing or anything.
@JTAS: Just to make sure you are aware, the Catholic Church usually requires 6 months of preparation before marriage, so if you haven't contacted a priest, you should do that soon.
@Jacqi: Thanks. I knew co-officiating wasn't possible but I thought a priest could at least be present at a non-Catholic ceremony. Ah! I swear, I don't know what boat I missed in all my years of CCD and two years at a Catholic High School...I don't know any of the rules! It actually wasn't until I read a thread on these boards when I learned I am no longer allowed to receive communion because of my outdoor ceremony officiated by a friend. That one stung a bit.
A priest may be invited to perform a blessing, but he will not co-marry a couple. like CoffeeHound says, it's against Canon Law and while "priests" may claim online that they'll wed you outdoors (like at a vineyard or a barn) or jointly with another priest, it is not valid because they are going again Canon Law and are not working within the church's rules. Now, if OP is asking about having both ceremonies, they only reason they would possibly have for wanting a Catholic ceremony is to make it valid in the eyes of the church, not the govt (which is what CoffeeHound and other PPs are saying but it looks like maybe it's being misconstrued?) I'd suggest doing a Hindu ceremony with a priest that doesn't mind doing a blessing and then get it convalidated later.
@Edina: A Catholic priest or deacon can attend any valid marriage ceremony he wants as a guest, regardless of religion (Hindu, Baptist, Jewish, civil, etc). However, the priest cannot act as a priest during the wedding (including things like taking vows or standing at the alter). He would be a guest and would sit with the other guests. He could get up and say something at a time when other guests might also speak (for example, telling a story about the couple during the ceremony where other guests are doing the same). After the ceremony, the priest could bless the couple as he would bless any couple.
So what many interfaith couples do: have a traditional Hindu/Jewish/Baptist/cvil/ etc. ceremony with a priest acting as a guest of the couple. There might be a few "catholic" things added to the wedding, but it's a Hindu/Jewish/Baptist/cvil/etc. wedding. At the end of the ceremony (after the actual Hindu/Jewish/Baptist/cvil/etc. ceremony has ended), the priest might come up and say a blessing over the couple. Then the bride and groom recess up the aisle and the guests leave. That's 100% acceptable.
If this is what you want, you need to contact a priest 6+ months before your wedding. You'll go through all of the normal Catholic wedding prep. (pre-cana classes, counseling, FOCCUS test, etc). The priest will then request permission from the Bishop, and then will set things up with you.
@CoffeeHound: Thanks for the detailed explanation. I knew priests could be involved somehow but I wasn't sure as to what extent/where they draw line at "co-officiating". I'm already married but thank you for the advice just the same!
@Edina: PS, all you have to do to receive Communion again is get the marraige "validated"... it's a fairly easy process if you're both Catholic and have never been married before, Catholic churches do it all the time! In fact I think my parish performs more validations than actual weddings, or that's how it seems sometimes. And it's not a second wedding, no hoopla or stress requied. Not sure if that's something you're interested in but I thought I'd mention it :)
I think the confusion in this thread has to do with a Valid vs. Invalid marriage in the Catholic Church.
What is a "valid" marriage? Valid vs. invalid Catholic marriages have nothing to do with civil law. Your state has it's own set of civil laws and the Catholic Church has it's own set of canon laws. Canon laws are rules set based on the Bible. For example, a lesbian wedding might be legal in your state, but it would not be valid in the Catholic Church because such a marriage would violate canon law. A marriage can be legal and invalid (e.g. gay marriage), legal and valid (most marriages), illegal and valid (e.g. when countries have laws against interracial marriage), and illegal and invalid (e.g. marrying your biological father).
Why do you need to make sure your marriage is valid? An invalid marriage is not recognized by the Catholic Church and is considered a grave sin. In that state, you are not allowed to receive communion and your soul will likely not be able to reach Heaven. In effect you've seperated yourself from the Church.
Is your marriage valid? If it was conducted in a Catholic Church by a priest or deacon, it almost certainly is. The the wedding involved two non-Catholics, you probably don't care what the Catholic Church thinks, unless you're converting. If that's the case, your RCIA director can tell you and work with you to fix any problems (like a divorce - you can still become a Catholic if you were divorced!). If one of you were Catholic at the time of the marriage, and you met with a priest before the wedding and received the necessary permission to marry outside of the Catholic Church, then it's almost certainly valid. If one of you were Catholic at the time of the wedding, and you never met with a priest to get the necessary permissions, then it's probably invalid.
What do I do if my marriage is invalid or if I'm getting married? Meet with a priest. He'll fix everything, even if you don't go to his parish (or any parish).
@Edina: The priest really isn't supposed to do anything that Uncle Joe or your college roommate wouldn't do at the ceremony (other than the blessing because that's after the ceremony).
One thing that confuses people is when other say that they had a "Catholic/Jewish Interfaith Ceremony". That doesn't exist. There's one person on WB that insists it does and she had one, but to do that, she hired someone that claimed to be a Catholic priest but wasn't. You need to watch out for that. If a "Catholic priest" is willing to conduct an "iterfaith ceremony", call the local diocese and see if that person is really a priest with the capacity to marry. The person will then come up with excuses "I'm a former priest, and once a priest always a priest" or "I'm an Old Catholic" etc. but don't fall for it. It's a scam.
@Magdalena: Interesting! My husband was baptised in the Catholic church but that's as far as it ever went with him. He's athiest. So that would probably make a difference in what you're describing, correct? Also, I'm currently trying to figure out what exactly I believe about God, so I wouldn't want to go through that process yet. It's just strange to discover that something that was a big part of your life for over a decade is just suddenly stripped from you, ya know? I can't shake how I was brought up!
It's a funny thing. My parents brought me into the faith as an infant and then pulled me out when I was around 16. We're from the Boston area and my father decided we weren't going back to Church until "Cardinal Law is in jail." (This was back when the sex-scandal in Boston hit the papers around 2000-2001.) Now I'm left to sort out all the pieces! I knew that not having a Catholic wedding would separate me from the Church but I didn't know to what extent--and how far it separates me from God.
@Edina: The process for bringing your marriage into the Church would be the same, regardless of whether or not your husband is an athiest.
If he is unwilling to go through a convalidation ceremony with you, you can also look into radical sanation, which is a process that allows your marriage to be considered valid without a ceremony. You'll need to speak to a priest about that.
As far as sorting out your beliefs, this might be a helpful website: http://www.catholicscomehome.org/ . Good luck!
@CoffeeHound: Thanks again. Yes, I should have clarified when I said he's athiest that he would not want to go through a convalidation and I would never want to force him.
EDIT: It's not that I am upset with the wedding ceremony I did have; I loved it and it meant the world to me. But I do feel a sadness that the Church I grew up in is no longer welcoming/accepting of me. I don't know if I'm explaining the conflicting feelings well?
@Edina: It's not that you're unwelcome in the Church - you're absolutely welcome and a priest would be very happy to meet with you! If you were baptized Catholic, you're still Catholic and no one is "more Catholic" than anyone else.
The with being married outside of the Church has to do with being in full communion with the Church of Christ. To receive the Eucharist and other Sacraments (other than Reconcilliation), you have to be in full communion with the Church. When you willingly violate Church teachings, for example get married outside of the Church, you separate yourself from the Church of Christ and are only in "partial communion". As Catholics, we believe that this places your soul at great risk (keep in mind that it's different for people that were never Catholic).
The good news is that it's very easy to go back to full communion. Step 1: go to confession. Step 2: validate your marriage (either through Convalidation or Radical Sanation). That's it. You could probably contact a priest today go to confession this evening, and have the marriage validated in a few weeks if it's a straight-forward situation (no previous marriages).
And don't be embarrassed about talking to a priest. More than half of the people priests meet with haven't been to Mass in years and most of really serious situations they need to resolve in confession (abortions, multiple divorces, witchcraft, homosexuality, children out of wedlock, felonies, etc). Unless your priest is fresh out of seminary, he's heard things 10 times worse than you can admit.
@JTAS
My fiance and I are planning a Hindu-Catholic ceremony as well. What I've discovered so far is that a true Catholic ceremony must be in a church, you can't have it in a hall. So to have the Hindu and Catholic ceremonies one after the other wouldn't work.
We are having the Hindu ceremony outside followed by a light luncheon one day, then a Catholic ceremony at a church followed by a reception at a hotel the next day.
To make it work in one day might require a lot of driving for your guests.
Here are some possible schedules:
Option 1
morning - hindu ceremony at temple or hall
early evening - catholic ceremony at church followed immediately by reception at a hotel or hall
Option 2
morning - catholic ceremony at church
afternoon - hindu ceremony at temple or hall
evening - reception (you could have this at the same hall as the hindu ceremony)
more issues like this at
redsariwhitedress.blogspot.com
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My Fiance and I are looking at some venues to host our hindu-catholic wedding and reception. Which ceremony should be done first (I am thinking having the Catholic one second so she can wear her white dress straight to the reception afterward).
We are having trouble in regards of a menu because our foods are so different and it is hard to get a price on it.
Any thoughts or ideas?
Thanks!