I am jealous and I hate it

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

What about her makes you jealous?

Post # 4
1715 posts
Bumble bee

What is it that she’s getting? 

Post # 6
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014


Its ok to be jealous as long as you don’t take it out on her.  Just remember that nothing is as good as it seems.  She may have issues now or in the future that you will never have to deal with.  Try to be happy with the wonderful things you have going in your own life! 

Post # 7
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@sherryberry:  when i was young, my mother told me, “you never know what goes on behind closed doors”.  this included that just because someone looks like they ‘have it all’ on the outside, it does not necessarily mean that they have a perfect life.   she also taught me how to appreciate everything i had and the journey it took to achieve them.  it made it all so worthwhile.

when you truly accept and appreciate everything you have and have set your own personal goals, you won’t worry about what everyone else is doing or buying.  you will more likely find yourself happier with you and your life and find it in your heart to truly be happy for others.

Post # 8
2136 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mypinkshoes:  +100


@sherryberry:  Honey, I know how you are feeling. My FI’s brother and his wife “have it all”. They have already owned two homes, sold one and now just bought a modular and had it built…they both have brand new cars and just had a baby, and now they are having another one. Their home is beautifully decorated (except they only have photos of themselves hanging on the walls) and they have expensive furniture and huge flat screen TVs. They have iPhones and iPads and new laptops. I used to get starry eyed looking at all of their stuff, and just think “wow…it would be nice to have that much money..”

BUT. They really don’t have so much money that they can afford all this. It’s a facade. They buy everything with credit, and they can buy a shitload more expensive crap on credit because the wife has a rich mom who cosigns for everything. In reality, FI and I actually have more money that we can spend because we’re not in the kind of debt they are. We have less to show for it though, because we share one vehicle that is 13 years old, live in an unfinished cabin (that we’re slowly finishing) and we can’t afford for me to have expensive Coach purses or a huge engagement ring or wedding band.

I don’t want to get flamed for sounding judgmental. I’m not guessing at how they could afford this stuff, they told us.

Post # 10
1715 posts
Bumble bee

@sherryberry:  Ah, I see. 

Your SIL may appear to be getting what she wants in one fell swoop, but it’s likely that she has been working toward this for a while, even if she has only been in the relationship for two years. I’m guessing there are some behind-the-scenes details about her life that would cause you to lose all or lot of the envy that you have if you found out what they are. You would probably see that it isn’t just falling into her lap. 

Instead of looking at what you can see of her life and wishing you were getting what she’s getting, you could see this “one fell swoop” situation as confirmation of the fact that things can come together in one’s life rather quickly. 

If you really want the big ring, house, and financial stability, you could take a hard look at how you and your SO are doing things. You know, see if there are more efficient ways of meeting these goals. If you think that you and your SO are doing all that you can do to meet your goals, then keep doing what you’re doing and focus on the wonderful things that can happen in your future. 

Try to keep the envy and jealousy under control, and try to not let it affect how you treat her. 


Post # 11
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@sherryberry:  I know how you feel. FI proposed after 6 years and we’re having a 2 year engagement. I went back to school and will graduate when I’m 29. We’re living in my mom’s basement appt.

I have found myself jealous a lot in the past but I find no matter what people have, others will be jealous. example: my friend got engaged at 21(after 2 years), married at 24. She had a smaller ring (obviously, they’re young!). When i got engaged, she went on about how she was jealous of my ring, even infront of her DH. I said…”yeah but i waited 6 years for mine!”

I’m sure there are others who are jealous that you’ve been with your DH as long as you have. Maybe your SIL is even jealous of you in certain ways!

Post # 12
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

For a long time I’ve been envious of my brother.  He’s 2 years older, popular etc. He had a shorter uni deg than me, so started earning 4 years before I did. By the time I graduated he owned his own home. Brother started dating his gf 6 months after I started with my bf. 3 yrears in, my bro got married and moved house to a bigger one.  After 1 year, she met someone else when he was working away, and literally forgot she was married. So nkw they’re divorcdd, after 4 years. He’s now in a relationship with the girl who was MOH.  Drives a big fancy car, high paying job. 

I did part of my studies overseas. And as soon as I graduated I moved with FI os. For a while we were paycheck to paycheck. Took us 7 years to buy our home but could due mostly to the mortgage situqtion here and bought at the entry level prpices. Still have one car, 6 years old, nothing fancy.  

But you know what: when my bro visited a few years ago, he mentioned he was jealous of the path I took in life.  Life isnt always about material things.  I have experienced some things people like my brother only dream about.  I’ve been with FI strong for 8 years now. Sure it would be nice having a fancy car or big home, but I dknt need it, it takes longer to clean and costs mkore to run, and I would much prefer to spend on experiences than material things. Its ok to be jealous, but dont let yyourself get misguided in life by what others think hou should have.  Follow what is right for you and stay true to yourself.

Post # 13
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@sherryberry:  OMG did you steal my story?!? haha BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE and this is me 100%

It’s hard to not be jealous.  In the case of my FSIL….she gets a lot of what she has through manipulation.  Yes, she did get a 10000.00 ring, a 27000.00 wedding and big new house for her and her new husband (Mr VB’s bro).

UGH it irks me to no end sometimes!

I know I shouldn’t but I just remind myself that of the gossip I’ve heard lol-She only got proposed to because she basically threatened to walk, and everyone knows it and talks about it all the time.  She must be insecure about something because she’s always talking about how expensive her ring is.

She also had a very expensive wedding, and it turned out she couldn’t afford it.  FFIL had to do physical labor at the venue in order for them to be able to afford the venue, and immediate family were all told to pay 125.00 a plate.  Very tacky.

Then they had to have a house and bought it right before the wedding…but there was no furniture in it when we saw it and they had been living there for almost 2 months because they couldn’t afford it.  

Sometimes you just don’t know how people like to ‘pretend’.  I know it’s frustrating, and it’s soooooo hard to not be a little jealous.  I would talk to my therapist about it and she’d say “Of course you are jealous.  She’s got the life you want”.  And while I hated my therapist for saying it and wanted to deny it…in that moment I knew she was right, I do want that life for us in some ways.

Mr VB and I are probably a good year or two away from getting engaged, but we are working towards it together.  We are probably 3-4 years away from being married and 5-6 years from home ownership.  If I’m lucky I’ll have achieved these things by the time I’m 40…as I’m 30 now.  

Try and take it with a grain of salt.  Allow yourself to feel jealous, take a deep breath and exhale.  It’s possible that she’s jealous of you for something.  Could be your committment to your man/relationship, it could be your sunny outlook on life, or your ability to make better relationships with people in the family.  You just never know, because like you would never say that you are jealous of her, she would never say that she is jealous of you.  

Just try to be the best person you can be and let it go.  Sorry this is long….It’s always good for me to vent somewhere about my frustration over my FSIL (and because of how cunning/manipulative she is it’s hard to be just happy for her) and also type out words of encouragement and remind myself that hey, it’s okay to be jealous just be sure to not obsess over it and carry yourself like a classy lady by never saying it outloud.

Good Luck! 

Post # 14
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sherryberry:  who knows how much debt they’re in from all that stuff though…

Post # 15
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

:Hugs: I know how you feel. I went through years of being jealous of my sister. Perfect size 2, beautiful home, husband, two adorable little girls. Meanhwile my husband and I have gone through three miscarriages; he lost his job and now works two part time ones so he’s gone from 6 in the morning till 11 at night; I doubt a house is anywhere in our future anytime soon. But I would never change places for the world. First, you never know what goes on the closed doors of what you think is someone’s ‘perfect’ life, and second, I learned to be thankful for what I do have, which is a wonderful husband, family and in-laws who love and support us. 


You have a husband that loves you, you guys have a solid, long-lasting relationship. It’s okay to have jealous moments, but too, always follow that with thinking about the great things that surround *you*. 🙂


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