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You need to tell your girlfriend. No lecture, that's my opinion. Talking to the other girl has nothing to do with this--that's just trying to ensure that you won't get caught.
I agree. While it may be hard to tell her now if she found out in 6 more months... 6 years... etc it would be even more devastating. I know it's difficult but I think it's the right thing to do. You definitely sound remoreseful and I'm sure she will be able to tell how devastated you are and how much you love your girlfriend despite the incident.
@Miss Longcoat: Agreed. It's a very short answer but it is all you need. Talk to your own girlfriend about the truth, don't talk to the other girl to protect the lie. (The bonus "lecture", if you want it, is that relationships based on dishonesty will not last.)
You're living in constant fear and misery, and will continue to do so until you tell your girlfriend. Be honest, try to keep it short and to the point, let her process it and move forward from there. You may think you're hiding it from your girlfriend, but I bet she can sense a change in you anyway.
Shit happens. I feel for you. Its a bad situation to be in, but you need to be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at this point. Imagine how you'd feel finding out through the grapevine as opposed to from the horse's mouth.
And fyi, I know many people would disagree, but I believe we are only human and moments of weakness do happen and, in my opinion, getting with someone else is not that bad IF you tell the truth. If you get with someone but don't tell the truth, that is when it becomes "cheating" in my book. So be brave and try to tell the truth.
If the roles were reversed, would you want to know? It sounds like this has the potential to come out at some point so wouldn't it be better coming from you than this girl or her friend who knows your GF? Atleast if you tell her, you can explain it like you did here. If she sees how this has been eating you up inside, maybe there would be hope for your relationship.
don't tell IF you used a condom. but you probably didn't so if you had sex with the other girl unprotected and your gf unprotected her health is at risk and therefore you need to tell her.
Your girlfriend deserves to have all the facts and then decide if she wants to stay with you or not. Tell her.
@VickyAurea: Not sure I agree with that. Having relations with someone other than your SO is cheating any way you look at it.
Cheating is Cheating. Plain and Simple. She deserves to know and you deserve to have to deal with the consequences that may follow. I'm sorry but you have to fully take responsibility.
I've been cheated on and I've been lied to and I can tell you it hurts worse than you can imagine. Come clean...for her sake.
Tell your girlfriend. No ifs ands or buts about it.
@UpstateCait: Ditto.
Stop living in constant fear and come clean. Take responsibility for your mistake.
I know I'm in the minority but if this really was a one time f*ck up and you have zero intentions of doing it again I would keep your mouth shut. I don't think I'd want to know because I think I'd stay and just be completely insecure/paranoid for the rest of our relationship.
I have always told my husband that if he cheated (God forbid), and it was a one-time thing like you describe, I would not want to know. A lot of the time, it seems that telling is therapeutic for the cheater, helping him or her to feel better. It does not help the person who was cheated on. Especially if it is something that the cheater is sure will never happen again.
Your situation seems different, however. There is a strong likelihood that your girlfriend will find out. You should certainly be the person to tell her. Just be honest about what happened and how it will not happen again. I would then suggest that you give her time to think about it. You have had six months to think, she will need some time as well.
Tell her. It's never easy owning-up, but you have to, no matter the consequences. I think she deserves the right to make her own decisions about how to handle it.
@VickyAurea: Whether somebody fesses up or not, it's still cheating. Cheating is the act of betraying somebody, not whether it is told after the fact or not.
I agree with the others who said to tell your girlfriend. I think she deserves to know, so she can decide what she wants to do.
Be honest with her. She deserves that much. What SHE decides to do after you confess is up to her. She may forgive you, she may not. That is entirely up to her and not up for discussion, in my opinion. You never know how she will react. And like others have said, she will find out. The cheated on person always seems to find out, whether it is sooner or later.
I think you should some clean... a lot of different people feel a lot of different ways about cheating but at the end of the day they're putting trust in you. You owe it to them to be honest, even if it means losing them. It won't be easy, and there is always the possibility that she will leave you, but now that needs to be her decision to make. You have already made your decisions, so it is only fair and right to give her the same opportunity.
I agree that people are human, and these things can be worked through... but no one likes a liar. If you are honest and remorseful then that can be worked with.
Oh, and no. Don't contact the other woman. That would make things considerably worse.
@vmec: While I agree you're probably right, remember we've been hall-monitored to death, and calling them out is supposed to be a no-no. Benefit of the doubt, and all that jazz.........
She deserves to know. Plus, if you don't tell her, there's a possibility that this will be looming over you for the rest of your life.
It's better to deal with this sooner rather than later. IMHO, the longer you wait, the more difficult it can make things.
@Crisark: this,
@UpstateCait: this
@Wonderwoman217: this
and
@Jenn23: this
Tell her. Beg her for forgiveness, prove you are willing to change and see what happens.
@Beluga: Irrelevant. Well, not, it's worse if not, but you should tell the person anyway.
I was cheated on in my last serious relationship and honestly, I would have had a slightly (very slightly) easier time dealing with it if my SO had told me himself, rather than have me find out about it. When I found out I felt more embarrassed because I felt like there were all these people who knew, and I didn't. It was hurtful and embarrassing enough without the added feeling that "well who knows what else he is hiding." I really think you need to come clean with your SO and hope that she is able to forgive you and move on.
you don't deserve an easy way out of this. You tell her now and deal with your own reprocausions.
I don't have tolerance for this heinous, disgusting behavior. You had a choice and chose NOT to respect the woman you were with. You now don't deserve her.
@vmec: It's against our commenting policy to call someone a troll. If you have doubts, just report the post and move on.
With that said, I agree with @Miss Olive:.
Tell her, which at least gives her the dignity of choosing whether or not to stay with you. She deserves to have all the information to make that choice. Not to mention get an STD test, if you didn't use protection.
@VickyAurea: Maybe but it certainly isn't half as bad as lying about it after.
That's debatable.
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