Weddingbee boards

My best friend of 10 years got involved in some interesting things after college.  She backpacked throughout Africa for a year with a missionary group that specialized in exorcisms....When she got back to the states, she had a ton of contacts in super natural ministry and packed up her stuff to move across country to become a "student" of a super natural ministry school.  This program was supposed to last one year.  She has completed her year and is choosing to spend another year out there, working for the school.  She met and started dating a guy from the school too.  In a phone conversation she told me she loves how dedicated he is to super natural ministry...so dedicated that he no longer has any friends that are not involved in the school.  The whole school follows this one man, who they consdier to be a prophet of sorts.  People from all over the country sell their homes and move their families to this town (and give all their money, to this one prophet man). 

I've come to terms with the fact that my best friend is in a cult.  It's terrifying and devestating.  But last week, I found a picture of her on facebook and saw she shaved her head. I broke down crying for my best friend.  Just 3 years ago, she was healthy and happy and beautiful.  Today, she is sickly thin and pale and bald.  My friend and I have two other best friends, we're a bff-foursome.  Our other two friends and I decided that we would intervene only when our friend cut off communication with us (which she has not yet done).  It's so difficult because on the one hand, I've never seen my friend so happy.  She is on cloud nine, almost like she's high, all the time.  I know that just because someone is happy doesn't mean they're healthy---but I'm afraid to intervene and lose my friend.  I feel like as long as we have contact with her, we still have a part of her. 

Last fall we all took a trip out to see her and we expressed our concerns.  Our friend was very defensive and it only pushed her away.  She told us that we were lucky she still talks to us, because her new friends don't talk to anyone who isn't "going to heaven" (like us, since we don't believe in this stuff).  The three of us went to the local police station--they were completly aware of the "school", and referred to the participants as "God fearing zombies" of the town.  They believe it to be a cult, but said that nothing harmful or illegal has happened and they cannot do anything right now. 

My friend is not budging.  She is too far gone.  She leaves for Mexico tomorrow to do missionary exorcisms and we won't see her again until my wedding in August.  She is one of my bridesmaids.  I'm so afraid that we're going to lose her to this cult.  In fact, I know we will---it's just a matter of time.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you! I dont really know what to say...thats craziness! Like you said...if she cuts off communication with you then maybe you and your 2 other BFFs need to pay her a visit...as a last resort...at least you know that you did everything that you could have done. But in the end...this was her decision...and you may just loose her to it...and it sucks :(

@Teddy--Thats exactly how we feel! She's an adult and we cannot control her just because we think she's making poor choices right now.  I just don''t know how this will end.  Do people just, stop being part of a cult?  Do they just walk away?  CAN they walk away? 

OMG Virginia! That is really scary! I don't understand what "supernatural ministry" means. I know what an exorcism is, and that they do happen, and I am a Christian so I do believe in the healing power of God and I do believe in miracles but what your friend is into sounds VERY kooky, and not like any Christian ministry I've ever heard of. I am so sorry she is into this cult (because I truly believe that's what it must be) and I hope she can break free of it before it destroys her life! I wish you and your other two friends the best of luck in getting across to her and I hope for her safe return home and to a normal happy life.

im curious to know what her family said about all these?? have you talk to her family? are they concern? 

i have seen a lot of documentaries about cults and all these things are scary, i also have see how family decided to get the person out of the cult (like a kidnapping) i know it sound harsh but that is what i have seen. 

i dont even know what to tell you, just i hope your friend can open her eyes and realize what she is doing. 

i feel for you.

@Virginia-my moms brother and sister joined a church that is similar to a cult...my mom and my grandfather are the only two that were not sucked in...they try to convert us all the time...they go to church everyday...sometimes twice a day...have chants at their houses after church and try to convert everyone in sight (like me). The girls and women are not allowed to wear shorts or pants and they cannot socialize or marry outside of the church. The worst part is that they donate tons and tons of money to the "leader" and no one really knows where the money is going but they just trust him with it. They have been part of it for 10 yrs now...and we just try to stay away from the as they are very judgemental and...strange honestly. they have learnt to put the church before everything...and when my grandmother got very ill they went to church instead of taking her to the hospital...again church before everything. SO what I am saying is...I have some experience with this sort of situation and honestly there is nothing you can do or say to help...either they have to realize it on their own...or the cult/church has to unravel somehow...

Wow, crazy story and I am SO sorry this is happening to you (and your friend).  I don't really know what to say, but I do know that YES, there are a lot of people that just walk away from cults (I actually started doing research on cults last summer after watching two seasons of Big Love nonstop and being really intrigued, heh).  I think your friend will benefit from the fact that her cult doesn't seem to ask its members to do life-threatening things, doesn't perform human sacrifices, etc.--right?  So she is either going to spend her lifetime in that cult or she is going to wake up and realize that it's insanity.  If she is your age (24, says your profile?), she's still plenty young, and young people often do really crazy stuff.  Did she go to college?  I know a lot of people who graduated college and then got involved in some really questionable stuff for a few years because they didn't feel like they'd figured out what they wanted to do with their lives via the 'typical' path, so feeling like they didn't fit into what mainstream America was expecting of them, tried out a bunch of various 'alternative' lifestyles.  Does this sound at all like your friend?  Everyone I know who's done this is now living a much more normal, healthy life, but it took about 3-8 years for them to get their youthful uncertainty out, I guess.

I think MissAsB is right that your attempts at intervention probably won't get very far.  She's probably been brainwashed to believe that whatever people outside the cult believe or tell her is misguided and that you all haven't seen the truth as the cult members have...it'll just look like you're trying to undermine her faith (I'm sure everyone has seen this attitude from members of religious sects that aren't even classified as 'cults').  But again, you are fortunate that she is so young.  She might wake up yet...or, as Ms. Teddy said, the church might unravel or be broken up by police or whatever and after some time she will realize that she was in fact involved in a cult.

@Ok--I didn't, and still don't, fully understand what supernatural ministry was either.  Google doesn't even offer too much of an explanation.  According to my friend, miracles happen in her school everyday.  Blind people regain vision, paralyzed people get up and run...we're talking the whole nine!  Why didn't it make the news, we ask?  Because:  "Jesus told [phropet man] to keep quiet.  If the media finds out Jesus will be angry and healing will no longer happen."

@Magenta-She hasn't spoken with her mom in about a year--her mom thinks this is a cult and was more verbal than we were about it.  She speaks to her dad, and he's supportive of this.  He sends the "school" a good amount of money.

@Teddy--WOW, that sounds a lot like my friend.  I'm sorry you have been through this too.  It's horrible to feel so powerless and watch the transformation of your loved ones.  I hate it.

@Vegan--you are SO right on!  She went to and gradutated from college, but it was a struggle for her. When she got out, she was VERY, VERY upset that we all were going to Md/PhD/Grad programs and she wasn't.  She has always been the "lost" one of us all.  We did everything we could to not make her feel that way---but it got the best of her.  I'm so glad you are certain that some people do just walk away from cults...I had no idea.  (and yes, she's 25 right now)

@Sulli-Love your idea of a letter.  I wish we lived closer to her so we could have more of an impact of her day to day choices...

@Jaylii---what you described with your cousin is definitely super natural ministry!  I've gotten identical emails/txts from my friend.  It's odd.  I, myself, am Christian and I definitely believe in miracles.  But this is a a bit much for me.  I wonder what your cousin is up to now.  It's really scary---thanks for the support.

This is scary, Virginia! I'm so sorry you're going through this! Even more so I am sorry that your friend has been sucked into this... I don't understand what it is that happens to people when they enter this sort of thing and that is just something that terrifies me... the whole idea of brainwashing and such just is so scary to me.

I'm nervous that by the time your friend does choose to break contact with you and your friends that your intervening will just be useless because it seems like at that point she will be too far gone. I think in the end this is going to have to be a personal decision. Maybe something bad will happen within the cult that she will begin to question and eventually she'll be brave enough to leave it behind, but cults are strange things...

I know it is hard and I'm sure if I were you I would be feeling very sad about it because I would feel like my friend didn't care enough about me to keep in contact with me, but just try to remember that what she has gotten herself into is beyond normal control... Maybe being with all of you guys again at your wedding will help her see how her life used to be, but I wish I had better advice... Hang in there!

@Weebirdy--Her parents are married, but they are foreign and unfortunately her mother has virtually no voice in the home. 

Thanks for all the support girls.  This thread makes my bff sound like a crazy girl, and she is going through a rough patch, but she was so normal and fun and gorgeous.  Our foursome is super tight, nothing can ever come between us, and I know that we'll be there for our friend no matter what happens.  If it gets to the point where she stops contacting us, we will fly out there at the drop of a hat.  I'm sure this will upset some of you--but we already made a pact to move to FL when we're widowed, old and wrinkly. We are going to rock the retirement homes. I love my FI, but my girlfriends are my life, my wolf pack if you will.... ;)

@Rachelss, Blood, & Rachael----Thanks for the support ladies.  I will be sure to keep you all posted.

Aw VirginiaMarie, your post about the tightness of your group of friends actually made me tear up a little.  For all of your sakes, I hope your friend in the cult manages to get out somehow!  My thoughts are with you...

Just following up and saying thanks to everyone who posted--it's nice to have your support as always!  <3