I just mentioned this in another thread and it got me wondering how (and if) other parents prevent their children from becoming materialistic. We do buy them one shared gift, this year it is a sled. Extended family buys them a total of 4 or 5 gifts because we put a limit on their gift giving and we are not trying to raise spoiled, entitled children. We do so much for them all year long, numerous vacations, violin and piano lessons, Spanish tutoring, dance lessons, etc. They go to concerts, theater, and generally have a very blessed life full of opportunities and new experiences. I just can't muster up any guilt about our minimalist gift policy.
What is your plan to keep your children from thinking that Christmas is about scoring free stuff? What do you think of not buying Christmas gifts?
When my daughter was little (she was an only child), I got her one "nice" gift (bike, doll house, etc.) and a few smaller gifts and that was it. Well a stocking with an orange, a popcorn ball and some small do-dads. I totally applaud what you are doing! There is so much more to holidays than gifts! I miss the days of us making cookies, watching specials and going on light tours together.
I think what you're doing is great. I grew up the same way. I had piano lessons, flute lessons, dance classes, cheerleading, etc. We went of family vacations and got little things all throughout the year. I never felt deprived at Christmas time. We usually got one "nice" gift and three or four smaller things. And we weren't showered with gifts by family because we didn't live around them.
I was raised getting one nice gift and a few candies in a stocking. I support you wholeheartedly. When I've been to other families Christmases, I was disgusted with all the entitlement. I'd watch someone open a huge pile of presents and complain about each one - "This sweater's ugly." "This is the wrong color." "What were you thinking?" I would never say such things to my mother, because I appreciated the few things I got.
I love this! I hope when we have children to get them each one nice gift, and a few small things plus a stocking with trinkets and stuff in it. Some of my friends have 2-3 kids each and each child has 20+ things to open under the tree. I'm sure the varie much in price range, but it seems like too much to me. Plus children get gifts from relatives, there is no need to have an abundance of gifts from the parents under the tree. Especially when the parents do all year long for the children as well. Good job.
I have to say that my sister and I are as far from unspoiled as you can get-- we are both grateful for anything, volunteer, and are in public service. Our parents taught us not to ask for presents and we couldn't bring any toy in the house without giving one to charity.
That said, every year Christmas was great! Starting in November we would each give away about half of our toys to needy families, volunteer for the special ed Christmas party and at the food bank, and ring bells for salvation army. We would make presents for all of our aunts and uncles and draw them cards. We would work for weeks thinking of what great present we could by each other and our parents with our allowance. Then, after that month of being grateful, we would be so excited when Santa came! He would bring us new clothes (needed-- we only got new clothes twice a year and we grew fast) and toys. It was great and it taught me the joy of getting something that you really want.
However, I also know when I give presents to FI's nephews and niece they aren't grateful in the way I was. They haven't had to clear out toys and wait 11 months from my birthday to Christmas to get toys. FI and I have discussed it at length and will raise our kids like how I (and he) were raised.
I am a single mom. I don't have the time or the money to spend a lot on musical lessons, vacations, and extras throughout the year. We do okay, and I am fortunate enough to have great parents who help us out and my kids have a lot of family who love them. They are older now (teen and tween) and I do the best I can to splurge at Christmas. That's the only time I have any extra money (I get a modest bonus.) I do, however, set a limit, and I don't go overboard. I ask for a list of what they want and I let them know what is realistic (DVDs, books, skateboards) vs what is unrealistic (iPads, etc) I have on occasion bought a large family gift, like a computer or a new TV and used the rest to buy smaller gifts and the kids understood that they would get fewer individual presents and they were okay with that.
My sons have never once complained about a gift they have received. They have never expected that they would get something just because they asked. Their father buys them one gift each, and they don't think anything less of him because of it (because that is all he can afford.) I splurge at Christmas, but my children are not materialistic. I think that Christmas is a time for giving, and I give as much to my kids as I can at that time. I guess I have managed to not screw things up too badly.
In my opinion giving children gifts at Christmas is not enough to make them entitled or materialistic or spoiled. Their upbringing all year long is what will or will not do that. If someone complains about a Christmas gift it because of how they were raised all year long, not because they get gifts. i do not have children yet but when I do you can bet they will have lots of gifts under the tree at Christmas because I want those special memories for them of running downstairs and seeing everything "Santa" brought and being so excited, just like my parents did for me. We have to teach kids to be appreciative and humble and thankful 365 days a year, not just by making some statement at Christmas.
So much respect for you! The world needs more parents like you in my opinion 
I'm going into early childhood teaching and have been on numerous practicums and have seen so many children who are so spoiled! 2 year olds who's parent's buy them ipads and laptops, designer gear etc. Children who have no idea of how lucky they are, and how many children go without basic needs. Children who will have a tantrum if they don't have the latest gear. Children who aren't grateful, and will tease other children who have basic clothes, toys and no flash gadgets (What 2 year old needs an ipad for f's sake!!) and will call them names and make them feel worthless. So many people's views on Christmas have become overclouded by materialism. It's not about sentimentality anymore, it's about money and the volume of gifts now, which is so sad 
Christmas shouldn't be about gifts, it should be about appreciating loved ones and God. I would much rather spend the whole day laughing with my family than recieve a heap of expensive gifts and have no quality time.
Good on you! This gives me hope!
This is how i was brought up. Christmas meant one big, nice gift and some smaller things, mostly things that we needed like socks or clothes. We also gave away our old toys and clothes and we always made meal boxes for the less fortunate. We understood how lucky we were and my brother and I never complained about any gifts my parents gave us.
@hlayers: I totally agree. Please don't think that I am counting on this one thing to produce grateful children. I believe whole heartedly as Jackie Kennedy said "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think it matters what else you do matters very much." They are collecting for children in a Romanian orphanage right now and they play their music for the elderly and shut ins. Those type of things, in my opinion, will make more difference in how they turn out than anything we do or don't do on Christmas.
@hlayers: I agree. A family's attitude towards Christmas is just a small part of raising a child who doesn't feel entitled. I think this is just an issue because Christmas is one holiday where it becomes pretty clear how the child feels about gifts and giving. It's just another day in the year but yet it's one of the biggest days of the year. Does that make sense?
That's great. There is a small mountain of gifts under the tree for my nieces. They get SO much stuff all year, they don't seem to be too enthused about the gifts they get on Christmas. Plus, Christmas is not supposed to be about breaking the bank and spoiling the hell out of your kid.
I agree that just giving toys at Christmas won't make children materialistic and greedy, but I think your policy is indicative of your parenting style as a whole and that it's a good thing.
My parents did something similar for me- I got plenty of music and horseback riding lessons, outings, vacations etc during the year and when I needed big ticket items (a car, computer, and a cello are what come to mind although all those were during my teenage years) they were very generously purchased but were not considered holiday gifts.
Although I did get gifts at Christmas more so than your kids, they were generally smaller or relatively unexciting (socks and long underwear, books, candy) with a few nonessential but not pricey gifts- I remember getting a doll one year and my mom's childhood play teaset another year, and other than that can't recall these gifts. I only got one gift from grandparents maximum since my cousins are Muslim. I never once felt shorted or deprived because the holiday was more about family time and good food than gifts. My parents could easily have afforded computers, video game consoles, whatever big ticket items people are giving their kids nowadays but I appreciate that they kept the holiday simple and didn't focus on masses of presents under the tree.
Surprisingly, their gifts for the last few years (I'm 21) have been a lot more generous but that may be because I'm no longer living at home. I guess they think it's too late for me to turn into a materialistic appetite!
Spoiled, entitled children are not made by receiving generosity, rather by by parents who neglect to teach them how to be gracious, appreciative and humble. I disagree with withholding gifts from children, but I do agree there are far too many spoiled children on this earth.
Now I don't think you need to buy a ton of gifts or expensive gifts for christmas but I think there should be something more than one shared gift, even just stockings filled with stuff they need (socks, underwear, etc). It won't make them spoiled or entitled but it will give them some excitement and happiness for the holiday season. I love the holidays and the memories of waking up to see what Santa left me and I want to pass that on to my future children one day.
We don't do Christmas presents either! Well, we don't buy them. We exchange gifts but they are all made. Example: DH will knit for the baby and we will make the baby toys from wood with my Dad. I am a painter, jeweler (so is DH), photographer, and ceramicist and DH is a designer... so together we have endless options :) I think a sled is a great gift. I like gifts that are experience oriented.
I think as the baby grows I will give them gifts to celebrate the Christ in them, not the Santa thing though. I hope to make all of their gifts, or get action/ experience oriented ones. We shall see!
ETA: Oh yeah, so my mum had a baby when I was almost 16 and married someone who had a lot of money. My little sister was the worst most horrible brat and did not appreciate anything. I hated getting her gifts because she did not appreciate them the way I did and the way my sisters did when we were little. It was awful! She was so spoiled it was HORRIBLE.
I agree with a lot of the posters that it will take a lot more than how you approach Christmas to prevent your child(ren) from becoming spoiled or entitled. It really is about how you raise your children every day.
But... I still don't think that means that I have to go out and buy a bunch of stuff for my kid because it is Christmas. My son is not yet 2, but from DH and I, DS only got books and a shirt. He will get a few things from extended family, but nothing to excessive. Christmas has turned into a hugely materialistic holiday, and is much less about family traditions and spending time together.
@Nona99: +100%
I nanny for a very weathly family and they get I bet 100 gifts each ~
they shockingly are not super huge spoild brats about it- they are not as greatful as kids who get nothing and each kid is different cause of it but its the parenting behind it.
I also recieved alot of gifts growing up but was always super thankful.
My DH grew up recieving hardly anything and he complains more about his gifts -
its just based on personalitys and stuff...
@Nona99: Good point.
We have a "one big gift" policy, with 1 small gift and a stocking (1 small gift, candies and an orange) and 1-2 shared presents for the family (like a board game or Wii game to play together). In lieu of the small presents, we sometimes give an outing/event/experience. Funnily, when I was a child, the only gifts were from Santa (and other family but not my parents), and Hubs grew up with gifts from Santa AND parents and so we have that tradition. Santa gives the big gift and stocking and we give the small gift and family gift.
Now, being clear, my "kids" are my step-children so I/we only get a portion of the guidance that they receive. About a year ago (shortly before last holiday season), when I introduced them to the "one in, one out" idea and suggested a big bedroom clean-up/toy purge, I was met with tears and resistance. I tried to explain that so many children may not get any gifts and that they can really do a good thing by donating the toys that they don't use any more.....after tears and being told I'm "forcing" them to get rid of "their stuff", I took another tack and let them have complete control. End result was a measley pile of bits and bobs. We've kept at this issue in small ways through the year, but honestly it drives me bonkers that otherwise great kids can't let go of toys that they never even touch. It's like they enjoy the "having" of "stuff" rather than the actual use of it. This, I think, is not a good thing to endorse as they grow.
Also, it makes me sad to see kids (both ours and my smaller cousins) rip into such a HUGE pile of gifts in about 10 mins flat. Like, they tear the paper off one and then immediately start into the next before even digesting the first gift. GRRRRRR.
MrsFuzzyFace, you're doing a great thing for your children.
@trueblue14: I don't see myself doing this but I applaud you for taking this position to teach your children what is important in life. No one REALLY needs a pile of crap on Christmas.
My parents gave us all kinds of gifts when we were kids, as did our extended family. Neither my brother or myself are entitled (IMO). I don't think having kids view christmas as a time to get presents will make them entitled or spoiled. It's just one holiday. I don't think what you're doing is bad...or good I guess. I don't really have an opinion. It is just your preference how to do things. It's good if it's good for your family.
I would have been very hurt and upset if all I got was a shared gift that can't even be used year-round. I always got one or two big presents, 20+ smaller presents, and a very stuffed stocking. If my fiance and I have kids, we'll give them whatever we can afford to give them.
@trueblue14: This is what we do too. A big gift, a small gift, and dollar store stocking stuffers. For us, it's about Christmas, we push being TOGETHER. We watch a weeks of Christmas movies all together. Though our Christmas movies have been over played, we added Gremlins and Die Hard to the mix:)
I think overall it is a good idea, but I would do things a bit differently. I like the idea of one shared gift, but I would also give each child one personalized gift...something that reflects that particular child's interests. It doesn't have to be something expensive. You know your children best. While they probably greatly appreciate gifts from an aunt or uncle, a gift that you pick out specifically for them would be cool. For example, I just gave one of the children who I nanny for $20 worth of "teaching supplies" from a teacher's supply store. She loves playing "teacher" and will be able to use the gifts for a long time. She was thrilled with the gifts, and I have already been her pupil several times this week in her "classroom".
If I had to pick between showering my kids with gifts and giving them one shared gift, I would definitely follow in your footsteps of giving one shared gift. Another one of the families who I work for has three girls. The girls are extremely sweet but have been spoiled terribly by their mom and grandma. They don't even ask for any gifts because they are used to receiving new clothes, toys, and books on a weekly basis. I have gotten to the point where I make donations to charities in their names as their gifts because they literally own almost everything in Toys R Us. My old boss' four children received so many gifts for holidays that they got tired of even opening gifts. The housekeepers would end up opening the gifts and would just record what they received. So sad.
Lol. Had to comment on this one. No children yet, but still gonna toss in my two cents.
I don't think what you're doing is bad- I applaud you for it- but it's not something I would do.
I've toyed with several ideas. I'll probably get my children one big surprise gift (not necessarily expensive, but definitely something they really want) and let them make a list, then pick a few things based on what they want, what I can afford, what their grandparents are buying them, etc.
I also plan to have my children donate old toys and clothes every Christmas, as well as sponsor a child or a family every year or volunteer for the Salvation Army or a soup kitchen, it's their choice. I also intend to teach them to be grateful and gracious, even if they don't like what is given to them (side story- my grandparents always bought me clothes. I hated it. I was at the age where toys were so much better than clothes, in my then-child's opinion. But I was taught to say thank you and be happy. If it was something that could be worn right then- like a new winter jacket or hat or something- I'd immidiantly put it on like it was the greatest gift ever and wear it out of the house). When they are young enough to still believe in Santa, I'd also like to have them write "Santa" a thank you note after the fact just to kind of drive home the point of being thankful. Eventually, they'll realize Santa isn't real, but the lesson will remain.
My best friend's mom (now that she's older- this started around high school or maybe a little earlier) gave her a limit on how much money she could spend. If she could afford to spend $500 (this is hypothetical), she'd give my friend a limit of $300, and buy her a surprise with the remainder so that she wouldn't know everything she was getting. Everything else on her list had to be under that $300 range, or she could choose to have the money. It definitely made her realize how much her parents spent on Christmas and helped her learn the value of a dollar and budgeting. Not something I'd want to do, because I kinda feel like the cost of a gift shouldn't be revealed, but it works for some parents, obviously. Said friend is one of the kindest, sweetest, humble people I've ever met.
ETA: I think you can raise humble, grateful children even if you splurge on Christmas; it's not just the one day a year that counts.
I grew up with a single mom. We took two vacations (my ENTIRE childhood), only got new clothes/toys twice a year (Christmas and birthday), and I even used my baby-sitting money from eleven on to buy my own lunch at school and to make purchases for myself. I think I took dance lessons one year before my mom said it was too expensive. (My extra-curricular activities were very minimum).
Christmas was the ONLY time she was able to spend extra money. There would ALWAYS be a ton of Christmas presents under the tree. However, my sister and I would always donate any old toys and clothing to charity through out the year in anticipation of this. We were grateful for what we had because at least we had a house and food. Now, I do charity work and I am always helping people in whatever way I can and my sister works in a nursing home and loves it. Pretty good for two people who grew up consistently getting a lot of Christmas presents and full stockings.
So, I whole-heartedly disagree that getting several presents on Christmas makes you a spoiled, entitled brat. I actually find that notion offensive.
@futuremrsndl: So, I whole-heartedly disagree that getting several presents on Christmas makes you a spoiled, entitled brat. I actually find that notion offensive.
+1, comes off as being pretty critical of others' choices...
@futuremrsndl: I didn't say (at least i didn't mean to say) that getting a lot of Christmas gifts makes children spoiled brats. I said that in light of what we are able to give them lifestyle wise, we have decided to go crazy at Christmas would not be in their best interest. I was just curious what people think of our method. We work all year long at thankfulness, this is just one example. I did not mean to offend anyone.
@Nona99: I definitely agree with this!
My FI never got excited about Christmas as a child, which I think is sad. Growing up his parents didn't really give him any presents because they didn't want him to be spoiled. He would go with his family to volunteer around the holidays. He didn't grow up being spoiled but he did grow up resenting them for it and honestly hated the holidays (of course his dad was kind of Scroogey ;)). He says he doesn't have one good memory of the holidays and always felt left out around his friends :(
I grew up always getting tons of presents (big and small) and I was taught to be thankful for what I got and was not entitled or unappreciative. It depends on the type of parent. Unfortunately I think that many parents shove gifts at their children without putting any effort into real parenting throughout the year ;)
@MrsFuzzyFace: I appreciate your efforts not to raise spoiled kids, but are you sure you're not sending the wrong message? Like are they old enough to understand what you're doing?
I don't have kids yet and I don't want to raise spoiled children either obviously, but I think Christmas should be special without going overboard, and one shared gift IMO doesn't really cut it.
ETA: Gifts don't have to be expensive to be special. My dad left us practically penniless and my mom still managed to give us a nice selection of gifts without going into debt. I am sure they weren't expensive but we definitely were grateful.
@MrsFuzzyFace: I apologize because I may be a bit over-sensitive about the subject... I think, even though FI and I are doing fine now, people talking about things like this still strikes a nerve because we didn't have much money growing up.
@throughthebarricades: I think so, because we really work to make them feel special all year round. For example, my oldest is in a Christmas play tomorrow, and there is a surprise new dress in her closet for her to wear under her costume tomorrow. She is going to wake up and discover it. We do little surprises like that all the time. Christmas is still special. Christmas Eve is with extended family and gifts from them. Christmas Day is for just the four of us to snuggle, read the Christmas story and have our traditional Christmas dinner. They know they are adored all year long. I hope that I am not coming across like I just don't want them to have anything.
@MrsFuzzyFace: it sounds like you're good parents, don't get me wrong. I guess I just find it a bit odd to deliberately limit the number of presents. I shop throughout the year for people and would feel weird capping what I'm buying on purpose. It just seems a bit arbitrary.
My son is 26 and every Christmas tree we had there was a lot of gifts for him. He was grateful for everything he received. He's grown into a man who would give you his last dollar if you needed it and always the first person to offer help. The amount of gifts don't make a spoiled child... the lack of a parent correcting a child acting entitled and ungrateful IS!
@MrsFuzzyFace: What sort of sled are they getting? Is it a wooden one? What does it look like? I hope you live where there's lots of snow and they can get some good use out of it. My fav. sled growing up was a long cheap plastic one that I could pack 2 friends in behind me on it and we'd all go flying down hill together.
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