Post # 1
So, I am in early planning stages of our August 2012 wedding, and I woke up today with the thought “why am I not more excited”? It does come in flashes now and then, but it seems so sureal to me. I’ve been dress shopping, and it wasn’t squeal worthy, amazing, OMG fun. I haven’t shed a tear about getting married…I feel numb, like I’m acting a part that isn’t my own.
Marriage has never been a “big” thing in my life, I never thought about is as a girl, haven’t had it planned out for years, it has never been on my “it” list. My relationship with my FI has been pitted with a LOT of challenges since we started dating almost 3 years ago; his ex IS crazy, and has run us through hoops over his son, visitation, money, our relationship, hate mail, death threats etc. His 3 year old son moved in with us full time 2 years ago when the courst removed him from his mothers care for neglect, which landed me as primary mom with zero warning or discussion. We have moved 3 times; the first in together into a 1 bdrm apartment, the second into a 3 bdrm house that could accomodate his son living with us, and the last landing us 9 plus hours from friends and family due to HIS work promotion. I feel we have weathered more than most people do in their entire marriages, and I wonder if I have closed myself off in defense of all the crazy shit, or if I’m just past the OMG over the top excitement.
Did anyone else go through this feeling of flatness? Does it end? When did the excitement start for you?
Post # 3
I have felt the same, especially the part about not really thinking of weddings as a kid and now you are expected to plan one.
We had a lot of changes occur in our lives the past two years and now wedding planning seems like a chore. I am looking forward to the day AFTER…when it’s all over an noone can expect anything from us anymore, until the baby question. Take some time for yourself…if you can take a day off of work to relax or if you can go on a small trip. I found the best thing for me to do when we had so much going on these past few years was to take a day or two off from work and relax. I usually was able to think more clearly about wedding stuff or the future in general when I wasn’t so clouded with family related drama and stressors.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
It sounds a bit like you’re at the dubious four year mark (or thereabouts). I could be reading it wrong, but I think it has less to do with the wedding and more to do with the challenges a couple goes through when they’ve been together a long time. Speaking with other couples, there are times after a period of years where the couple kind of re-evaluates why they are together – my brother said for him it was 4, 7 and 11 (when he and his wife finally split). I think if you still feel strong about your relationship, despite the challenges you’ve gone through, you don’t necessarily need every facet of the wedding to be squee-worthy. 😛
Are you one of those girls who always dreamed about her wedding or actually enjoys events planning? I’m not, and only a few things about my wedding have REALLY excited me (and made me want to squee), one of them being my awesome DIY flowers, and, uh…that might be it. 😉 Just think about what a wonderful and beautiful party it’s going to be to share your union with family and friends. I’m looking forward to it, but the planning part is kind of stressful and not especially fun.
My FI and I are coming on 6 years, and I think we are more established and “safe” in our relationship compared to a lot of other couples getting married. Does it mean the wedding is less exciting because we are older and have already started our life together…possibly, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong – because I know our relationship is strong, and I know we can handle future challenges because we’ve already been through a lot. 🙂
Post # 5
@bellagio: I feel secure in our relationship, there is no one else I can even imagine being with for the future. We get along great, we don’t fight about much, and it’s usually just heated arguing over things like his dirty socks on the kitchen floor and not replacing the TP lol. He IS my best friend, and the one I go to with everything. I was not ever the girl to dream of my wedding, I was horse crazy and lived inthe barn until I was about 16, then went to a horse related college and immersed myself into the horse world totally afterwards.
I just feel…flat, and tired. We don’t have a lot of excitement in our lives, don’t get out much, never get a break from the parenting aspect as we have no friends or family here to watch the munchkin.
It could also be that I don’t have many friends (none actually) near me here where we live to share the wedding excitement with, and my parents are not overly excited either, they have been together for 28 years and are not married!
Post # 6
I’m going through the same thing. I get excited about my wedding, then it goes away and turns to dread, then it turns to disinterest, then back to excitement. I have been on this rollercoaster since December, and my wedding isn’t until July 2012. I am more looking forward to the marriage than the wedding, itself.
Post # 7
@Pinksapphire: I am glad I am not the only one then! I honestly don’t know how I feel about marriage in general, not marriage to this man. I have honestly not ever thought about what life will be like once we are married, and what will change, other than my last name! We live together, we parent together, we decision make together, our finances are mostly pooled, our rental contract is in both names. I just don’t see what the difference will be. Maybe I need some marriage counselling…
Post # 8
@Take The Reins: It’s okay, sweetie! I am in the exact same boat (give or take a few details)… I really do believe it’s from added stress… things not-wedding related! I for one have never planned my wedding before FH proposed…. and this has def. taken a toll on how not-excited I am to be planning. I don’t think it’s weird. Some girls just aren’t ‘wired’ to dream up weddings all their lives.
When so many responsibilities are placed on you… it’s HARD to be excited for something that’s supposed to be your day, when your entire life may revolve around others. My FH and I have lived together for a while now, so I get where you are coming from in feeling like it won’t be different.
I pray it gets better for you as I hope so for me as well!
Post # 9
@SimplyChic11: Thanks, that’s very sweet of you to say!
And I am SO glad I am not the only person out there who is not crazy over the top excited day in and day out about it!
Post # 10
I have been with my FI off & on for 16 years now. We have dated other ppl; I even married someone else. But now, is the right time for us to take it to the next level. What exactly will change? I am hoping a more deep and more meaningful respect for one another. My name……
We got engaged in 2009. And right away everyone was like “oh when is it”? I hated that question. Like it was to hurry us. So over the last couple years I have started planning and then quit it totally, mostly for financial reasons. We bought a house last year. I did not think throwing money away on a wedding was smart. But now one year later I gave myself a very short time to plan. I decided this May, exactly 5/17 that we would be married in August.
The planning was a HUGE HIGH at first!!!!!!!! I never dreamt of a wedding as a child, I don’t like attention on me AT ALL! But for some reason I want to share this special day with our family and friends. Right now, I am wishing I would have eloped. After stressing over invitations, fonts, colors, freaking LINEN OR RECYCLED paper, I was worn OUT! Now I have a few HIGH days and some where I want nothing more than to rewind and restart go to Vegas and be done.
I am hoping it is worth it like most bees say. I know I get overwhelmed by this site and think I need every idea they post. Every new and unique wedding thing I have to have and then I melt down…………………………………………………………………………………
I feel melted right now, but am still on the Bee……. I feel at the end I will crash and then what? Oh what a ride
Post # 11
Thank Gosh i am not the only one!
I sit there and think am i really getting married? I always fidle with my engagement ring but i never really think im going to be the future Mrs B…
I have had the designer draw my dress up, booked the church have held my date at the reception venue yet no excitement.
I think it may have a lot to do with the fact like yours i never gave much thought to marraige… I wanted a more Carrie Bradshaw styled life…
I seem to be having difficulties with bridesmaids as such due to their choices in Bridesmaid dresses. i sat there for 2 hours designing dresses to suit each and everyone of them. Not happy.
So i guess i now get to take a few days off to breath and look forward to the excitement that hopefully will hit me the day i walk down the isle@Take The Reins: