I am not indecisive, I just don't like your ideas. *Vent*

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

DANG.  That must be so frustrating.

What would I do…start learning meditation?  I honestly think the only thing you can do in this situation is to choose to either let her do it her way or to do it your way (hopefully without her “help”) but learn to ignore her annoying comments. 

Clearly she’s been dreaming about her son’s wedding for ages and has her own ideas about the look.  Maybe try to reframe her (super annoying tendancies) through that lense.

Not to be a negative nilly…but can you imagine when you guys have kids?  Or buy a house?  Or host Christmas?  To be fair, a mother in low who cares too much is certainly not the worst problem you could have.

Post # 4
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I hear you. What a pain! It’s obvious that she just wants to make your wedding into her event. I’m having a similar issue with FMIL. I just told mine that everything was decided and I didn’t need any other opinions. I’m also not allowing her to help me with anything. I know it sounds harsh but it’s my only option. On the flip side I’m allowing her a certain amount of guests to invite and she can choose whoever to make her happy. 

Post # 6
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Be decisive in the way she needs you to be decisive. “Thanks for the offer but we already have that covered.” Anything short of that, leaves her room for doubt. In  trying to be nice ( in other words not saying things like ” Are you serious? Those antique pearls would be completely inappropriate.”) you are leaving the door open for her to think you are wishy washy.

Don’t worry about what she posts on Facebook. if she does it to you, she likely treats others the same way. Peope will know that it says more about her than you.

If you want to keep her occupied, find something you really don’t care about, ask her to take care of it and “surprise me” !


Post # 7
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BriansBride:  omg she needs to back off!! Why on earth is she so involved in these tiny decisions!? I would stop including her on anything you are doing decision-wise until after you have decided and it can be more ” look at our centerpeices” instead of ” what do you think?”

I would totally lose it lol.


Post # 8
6948 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@BriansBride:  that FB post was super annoying and really rude considering she’s basically complaining publicly about you. If there is something you don’t care much about- give her full reign on that and otherwise say “This is what we are doing in this way”. 

Post # 9
3 posts

@BriansBride: Post a picture of the arrangement that you want on her facebook page with a comment “I’m so sorry I have been unclear, this is exactly what I want.”  If she is this difficult with you then she is probably the same way with others and they know the truth.  I agree with Jules for anything further to just tell her that you have it covered but thank you for the offer.  You might also consider telling her that you have decided what you want to do, purchase everything and let her assemble it or find an overbearing friend to be in charge to reign her in.  Bottom line is that as much as it’s nice to want to include her, it’s your wedding and you should have your dream not hers. 

Post # 11
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Wow, she would have me in bed with a washcloth on my forehead! Calling you picky! 

But I bet she has no idea of the reality. People see things so oddly, don’t they. I think posting your desired centerpieces on her fb page, under her post, is a very good idea. But I would try to be even more blunt, like: “These are STILL the ones I want! Ready when you are! :D” Don’t forget the happy face.

Ugh. Good for you for sticking to your guns. You will prevail!!!!! (I’ve had a wee bit of champagne)


Post # 12
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BriansBride:  Holy cow. I cannot believe she would post that, especially knowing you would see it! Is there any way your fiance could step in and talk to her about it? If my FMIL pulled that crap her involvement would be over!

Post # 13
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Can you give her projects you don’t care about? For example- hotel gift bags, or escort cards? She obviously wants to be involved, but she’s WAY overstepping it. Stop talking to her about the wedding. Julies1949’s advice was spot on- “Thanks, but I have this covered.” And change the subject. Or- “It’s going to be a surprise.”

And you’re going to have to tell FI- “She’s stressing me out too much, I have to do this myself.” Trust me, I get it.

And you have every right to be “picky,” because it is YOUR wedding day, not hers. 🙂


Post # 14
21 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BriansBride:  Ugh, I am so sorry. I was lucky, my mother-in-law was 100% hands-off on the details. However, she does like to put in her vocal 2-cents when it comes to how we spend our money. If you let her push you around now with decisions, she will likely continue to do that on more serious things after the marriage. I would stand up to her now and hold your ground. What a headache, best of luck to you!! 

PS – love your fur muff/shawl idea in lieu of flowers!! 

Post # 16
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

If she’s not paying, tell her to butt out, or better yet have your FI tell her to butt out.

If you need an excuse, say ‘Actually mum/MOH/my sister and I are going to do the centerpieces/bouquets ect.’

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