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BTW, the other day I was stuck in a van with his mother, his dad, his aunt, and his grandparents in order to drive an hour away for his ceremony for starting medical school and I was questioned AGAIN by the whole family! It was highly uncomfortable because I have straight up said "It isn't smart for me to not work right now, we will decide what we want to do for us." But yet she still brings it up!!
This is more of a vent post, I don't think there is any helping me. This woman is annoying and rude, I've vented about her plenty of times before on here. Just didn't know where else to go with the annoyance of it all :(
So obviously I don't know how your relationship is with your MIL, but from an outsider's perpective.... yes she is super annoying but she seems to really want you to finish your degree and has concern that dropping from full time to part time will discourage you from completing it.
Maybe she's seen it happen with other people/ saw it on the new who knows, but at least she is supportive of you finishing school. You are making a huge sacrifice and this is her way of encouraging you?
Maybe showing her your game plan to get it done would help get her off your back about it?
I think you have to tell them as little as possible. I don't think there is anything else you can do but ignore her.
My goodness! She sounds like a right pill. All I can say is that it sounds like you've made THE BEST DECISION POSSIBLE and you need to remember that when she's being nosey!
Oooh just saw your added posts...
That's just annoying. They need to back off already. Who needs your whole in-law's questioning that.
Sorry you have to deal with it....
i feel for you. i am totally done with school ( i have a law degree) and just got my first full time job but it seems like nothing is good enough for my monster in law. she hates that my FH moved 1,000 miles away from her because of my job and constantly asking if i hate my job and realized i made the wrong decision. i just try to breathe and realize that there is no pleasing her. vent to us as much as you want because it makes life hard for FH if you vent to much to him (i know from expierence).
Ugh. I would advise a small blow up to get the point across or the polite but super mean relentless questioning. "Do you remember what I said before?" "No, please tell me if you remember what I said before and what it was" again again if she refuses if she says no "Oh... you've asked several times and I've answered I don't understand why you would not remember if it was important to you and why you would keep asking if it wasn't... why?"
I'd also be tempted to prepare an index card with the info written out and bring it with you, when she asks or mentions it again I would whip it out and say "Since you're asked so very many times I prepared this handy cheat sheet, I hope this will give you the information in an easy to refer to way so whenever you have concners you can just look at it and don't have to be rude to me"
I wouldn't actually do this - but tempted.
Smile, say you understand their perspective...then do what you want and what is best for YOU,
@bloodgo1: Totally understand! My FMIL is the same way. She always is telling both FH and I to go to school. Though we are not as close to graduation as you and your hubby so pat yourselves on the back. I am a hairstylist but I'm going back right after the wedding and have about 2 years left. FH has like 20 credits and FMIL bugs him to go into this and that so much I think he is confused about what he should go into into. He seems to just shrug it off, like yeah yeah, I'll go. I'm assuming he's just used to it as this has probably been going on for 10 years. You only have a few credits left. Maybe once she sees you will complete your degree she'll back off. Until then, when she tells people in front of you that you are taking a break from school- correct her and explain the situation w/o revealing too much about the finances. Good luck!
@Arachna: lol trust me there are plenty of scenarios that I imagine in my head of how I would want to react (reminds me of the movie Monster in Law), buuuuut I usually go the route of calmly giving a short response, then not responding.
@futuremrssteel: that is so ridiculous!!! you made it through law school and she still has a problem?? ugh.
It is so frustrating because she acts like there should be no reason why I need to change the way in which I finish my degree. When in reality we just moved an hour and a half away from the school because my husband's school was in this area and not only that but she doesn't get that if I wasn't doing this then it would be very difficult for her son to be able to comfortably just be in school. I'm ok with making that sacrifice for him. Actually I don't even feel like I'm sacrificing anything - I'm still taking evening courses (one of them starts next week) and I am just not the type that had some big career goal ya know? And I'm fine with that, that's just the way I am so I'm glad that I'm doing this and that it is helping us out so much.
Ugh. I have to go to to his family's cottage for the 4th of July. There is nothing to do there besides talk. I'm so dreading it. I know there are going to be multiple calls made to my mom to get her to calm me down and not rip the woman's head off.
I think you should ask your husband to talk to her. Have him tell her that you're going to school and that in order for you two to live responsibly, you needed a job. He should also mention that what she's saying to you is inappropriate and unwanted.
I admire your willingness to both work and finish your schooling. Marriage is about compromise and you and your husband are making it work for what is in your best interest.
@beekiss2 has made a great suggestion, and I hope your husband will talk to his mother. You both have enough to do without getting grief from family.
Best wishes for success in your work and school careers, and congratulations on your marriage.
"I'm doing this for your son"
is not at all rude. And may get her to back off. Especially said with a serious earnest martyr expression on your face.
"Are you willing to pay for your son's schooling ma'am?" is rude.
I usually try to sit quietly and not say anything to my FH family, even if they are directly asking me questions. I
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Here's the situation bees... My husband just started medical school and we found out that his refund money from his student loans are not enough to cover our monthly bills. We are both still under 25, so car insurance is ridiculous... DH has type 1 diabetes which makes our health care a whopping $1000/month. So we talked about it and decided that the best thing for us would be for me to find a full time job and finish my last 3 college courses during the evenings, maybe spread it out a couple more semesters depending on how overwhelming the schedule would be (they are all chemistry courses - one of which would be 5 hours long after working a 8 hr day). This way I can pay off our bills, contribute to the monthly income and we'll become financially stable very soon. My degree is going to be in biology and right now it is just super tough to get a job where we are living so when I was offered a full time position at a medical office we thought it was a very good opportunity and I took it.
Now here is the issue, his mother will not get off of my back to finish school! It is like ok I've always been a good student and 7 credits away from having a bachelors degree I highly doubt if I would just be like "eh, whatev, don't need to finish, no biggie". It's like I don't need her to remind me and it isn't as if I need encouragement. Literally every time I see her (which is like 2x/week) she asks me "so... what are you doing for school again?" How many times can I possibly tell her the same thing? Then last time I saw her she proceeded to tell me that she just happened to mention to her friend that I was choosing to work full time and finish my school over the next year instead and that her friend was "horrified". Yes, apparently "horrified". WTF is she talking to her friends about mine and my husband's financial decisions??? We are trying to be smart and plan for our future and right now this is the best thing for us, but she is acting like I'm being a freakin delinquent or something and is not afraid to advise me against my choice.
She is bitter that I decided not to become a nurse (2 years ago I changed my major!). My friend just got a job as a nurse and she said to me, "that could have been you". Yeah, it could have, except I would have HATED being a nurse. So sick of her comments and her getting into our business.