Post # 1
So… FH works long hours and usually late… I am basically an 8 – 4:30er along because I am a visiting nurse occasionally my time can run long… anyways… reguardless.. we honestly dont get a whole lot of time together.. and it’s kinda sad cause we live together.
We’ve been together just shy of 3 years now so this wedding has been coming. Needless to say, I am excited, and frankly he is too, you can tell.
We try and get as much planning done together as possible without having to sacrifice our very limited time together. Sometimes we see eachother for as little as a half hour a day.
So when he comes home, I usually take about 10 minutes to discuss planning with him… upcoming appointments, ideas I had, pictures of things etc…
Well yesterday he says to me.. “I think you’re addicted to planning this wedding. I dont really want to talk about it and I really just want to sit down and watch some TV with you now… stop being a crazy person”
The rational part of me knows he had a tough day at work, he’s feeling the stress of us not seeing eachother much *we’ve never been in a position where we didn’t get all evening with eachother… in fact.. when we first met he worked Friday night to Sunday morning straight through and I worked 7 – 3:30 so we saw eachother all the time and about a year after we got together we got laid off in the same week and were unemployed together..*
Anyways.. the irrational side of me feels horribly hurt and offended… like tears in the corner of my eyes hurt. I get SO excited to tell him / show him wedding stuff and I already feel sad that he hasn’t participated in our wedding website or wedding blog.
Yesterday I asked him to add a story to our wedding website as I have been recounting our relationship there and thought he might have a cute idea or story he’d like to share from his point of view. He grabbed the laptop and sat with it for a second and then said “I can’t come up with anything” and just shut out of it like it was no big deal.
Doesn’t he have fond memories he’d like to share?
Am I being crazy??
Post # 3
I don’t think you are being crazy but I can tell you from experience that sometimes you have to save the wedding talk for the ‘bees. My FI actually planned our wedding as a surprise for me and HE doesn’t even want to talk about wedding everyday and we are into our last 25 days. Just take a week off from saying anything to him about the wedding and you may find that HE actually brings the subject up himself.
Post # 4
Maybe you could “catch up” on wedding talk every weekend rather than daily? I really think most guys would not be excited to talk about it every day. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care or isn’t excited, this wedding detail stuff just isn’t as enthralling to most men as it is to us brides.
Post # 5
Sigh ty you guys… I am going to take some time off from wedding talk… Unfortunately IrishBoy is in the resturant biz so he works weekends, weekdays… usually 12-14 hours a day with maybe 1 day off a week… sigh, I think it’s gonna be tough trying to keep myself excited and not over run FH too…
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I like PrettyFlower’s idea of setting aside specific time to talk wedding. I know men get driven crazy sometimes by the wedding stuff… Mr. Peng was pretty understanding but I think he more did it so I wouldn’t rip him a new asshole than actually “enthusiastic” about anything. Mrs. Cheese blogged before that she and Mr. Cheese set aside Wednesdays as “Wedding Wednesdays” where they would share a bottle of wine (or a bubble bath!) and hash out wedding details: She’d present him with specifics she’d like him to work on or that they had to decide together, and did it on their specified night. I thought it was adorable!
Post # 7
I have to agree. I know it’s hard because it’s all we ever think about the boys need a break! 🙂 Luckily my fiance is very involved but there are still things that don’t matter to him. I understand this so I ask “do you care about the aisle decorations?” If he says no then I say ok and send a picture to my mom and sister. This helps because I will accept whichever response he gives and then I don’t have any unmet expectations. Sometimes when the day or commute has been busy, FI just wants to come home and sit.
But about adding his thoughts, those might be hard for him to say which might be giving him writers block. I know how my FI feels about me but he seems panicked when I talk about writing our own vows. Maybe when you don’t feel as emotional (and I speak from experience let me tell you) tell him you would really like it if he could add some thoughts.
Post # 8
My aunt gave me great advice do one thing a day planning the wedding and nothing on the weekends if possible. If you have to do some on the weekends then take a day or two off during the week. I took that to another level of I dont talk it about it everyday. Just give him a little breathing room take care of things on your own, share ideas etc here or with a friend. He’ll eventually ask you what needs to be done.
Post # 9
What I have been doing so far that seems to work is tell my guy kind of on a weekly basis whats going on and warn him: Okay I’m goign to want to talk about budget on Thursday is that ok? So he knows.
To be honest, weddings are just a LOT of work for a day. We deal because its our dream… we have to cut the boys some slack 🙂
Post # 10
I agree with PPs, especially since your wedding is so far away – don’t talk about it every day 🙂 We’ve gone through 3 different phases with our planning. The first, we barely spoke about it at all. I was doing online research and collecting ideas. We visited the key vendors (venue, photog, cake, celebrant) together. Then we moved onto “wedding wednesdays” (thankyou Mrs Cheese!) when we had to start making decisions (or I showed him the decisions I’d made), like about flowers, decor, ceremony. Now we’re so close, not a day goes by when the wedding doesn’t get a mention in some way. But I think keeping life as normal as possible in the beginning was a good thing, and it sounds like your FH would appreciate it too. I can’t imagine not having any time together, I would hate it but it sounds like it’s here to stay for you so time to come up with some coping strategies together 🙂
Post # 11
Awe Irish, I hear ya! My FI also works extremely long hours, and as a result we have limited time to spend together. I get where you are coming from and how excited you are to share all the stuff you find out about with him. But sometimes it can be the biggest source of stress for the men in our lives. I like other people’s suggestions of setting aside specific time to talk about the wedding. Then you both know its coming, and it is doesn’t cut into couple time.
We are here to support you! Talk to the hive about all your wedding ideas, non-stop 🙂 We don’t get sick of that sort of thing!
Post # 12
Yay- we are date twins! I can sympathize- I had to learn to tone it down too. Although my FI is really excited about getting married, I think he only likes to talk about it maybe twice a week. I just think boys are different than we are.
Post # 13
I think talking about it every day, even if only for 10 minutes, is too much. Especially if it’s when he comes home from a long day of work. Remember, while he’s clearly very interested in marrying you, he probably shares nowhere near your level of interest in the everyday details.
Post # 14
This so happened to me too!! I was full on wedding planning and would talk about it non stop with FI and it bothered him. We got into a fight about it and now I don’t bring anything up unless he ask or talk about it. I do try to go about our relationship (pre-wedding planning), I know its hard because you’re excited about it, but its different for guys.
So I would suggest just setting aside time to talk about it and only ask imporatant questions when its not wedding talk time. It helped us more and kept us from fighting.
Post # 15
Its ok! We all have our crazies! Guys are just different. My FI gets really excited and likes to talk about it all and plan and stuff, but then other random days he doesn’t. They are so moody! If they are stressed about anything, they don’t want to talk about other stuff, or really much at all. Just be patient. It will get better! And he is excited to marry you, but just not like a girl is! That is why we are all here, share everything with us! 🙂
Post # 16
i agree with the posters who have said it might be a good idea to set aside a separate, less frequent time to talk with him about the wedding…but i also think you should talk to him about how your feelings are hurt by his dismissive comments. it sounds like he’s just busy and stressed, and i know when my fi is preoccupied he doesn’t always think about how what he says makes me feel and it helps to talk about it. if i were you, i would say something like “i know things have been really busy and tiring lately, but i’m so excited about planning our wedding together that it really hurt my feelings when you called me a ‘crazy person.’ i want the day to be about both of us, and i want to find a way to make this exciting and as stress-less as possible”