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Im sorry you are upset. I personally am just catching up with money stuff because its just past the holidays so I probably wouldnt be in the best situation to buy a dress right now either. BM dresses usually only take 2-3 months to come in depending on where you get them from and then a couple weeks for alterations. Can you hold off until the end of March and let everyone know they have until then to get the dress? That will give them time to get their stuff together and figure out a way to pay for the dresses and they will still be ordered in time so they arrive on time.
hopefully its because of christmas that they are a bit low on funds, it happens. i suggest you ask them if a particular date in March will be good for them to get the dresses and see if they are committed enough to make it happen
I'm sorry. If my girls said that to me, I'd probably be thinking, "So...what are you telling me? You don't want to be in the wedding?" But I wouldn't jump to conclusions without talking to them. Do they need to wait a couple of months? are they hinting that what you were looking at is a bit pricey? Good luck.
thanks ladies and yes I was thinking how committed they really are. I know it's not due to the holidays bc since the holidays they have been to the mall several times, the movies, restaurants, etc. so I really have no sympathy. I am the type of person that if I know I have an expense coming up I save for it or I will charge it and pay it off. I don't know I'm going to call the bridal shop tomm. and find out exactly how much time before they can order the dresses and will let them know and if they sitll can't well then they will have to decide whether they are in it 100% or they want to be a guest. Please don't think I'm this horrible person I am just thinking in terms of if the roles were reversed I would never act like this.
... I would talk to them and ask how important it is to them that they be in the party. It sounds like they are making other things priorities and while it's their choice, it's also their choice if they want to be in the wedding. Unfortunately, you can't demand that they change their lifestyle so they can buy a dress.
It probably is just everyone getting over the holiday expenses. I know that my Dec credit card bill is due this month and can't really afford to do much else! But next month I will be in a better spot! Have you discussed with them to see if next month is better?
Your wedding isn't until Sept so I am sure you could wait at least another month until putting the dress orders in. My wedding is a couple weeks before yours and I am only starting to look with my girls!
I would talk to them and figure out what is going on with them - you never truly know someone else's financial status. I am sure together you will be able to put together a timeline that works for everyone!
I hope everything works out!
Can I ask how much the dresses you're looking at are? I mean if they're like 150 or less then I totally agree with you. I just want to make sure you're not demanding they buy $300 dresses and upset they don't have it..?
Having just been in a wedding I understand what your wedding party is feeling. Financially it was difficult for my to pony up all the money required for attire shoes bachelorette party and bridal shower. its very easy to say that they have been out spending frivolously and not saving for your big day but without being in their shoes and accessing their financial information you can never know for sure. I recommend sitting down with your girls and having a frank conversation about dress cost and time line, most likely with advance notice and a clear understanding of what the dress cost will be they will be prepared to purchase dresses without complaints.
Before you get too upset, think about the total you are asking your BMs to spend. I would make sure it's not unreasonable before anything else. Also, when they say they don't have money, is it a "I don't have money now but next month should be ok" type of comment? Or a "I don't have money. PERIOD." comment? Clarify with them what they think would be reasonable and try to compromise. If it's more of the latter, they might not be committed to being in the bridal party. Then I would say it's time for a serious talk that explains how important it was to you to have them stand up with you and how hurt you are that they are reluctant to do this one thing for you. Hopefully that will get them to cooperate or at least see from your point of view.
Some people, and I have friends that are among them, spend in the moment and don't like forking over money for "responsible spending". It's probably not their lack of commitment more of a spending disability. I'm close to the opposite, I'd rather pay off more debt or pay advance on bills than spend on myself, but FI counteracts that.
Def. scream if you want, I'd be frustrated too!
thanks for all your input ladies....the dress is $159....the first fitting is just to get measurements and the deposit only has to be half of the total.
@esrockhold....I def. agree with you and I am the same way.
$159 is not a trivial amount of money, but I wonder if there's something else contributing to their resistance. Is it possible that they just don't like the dress, and therefore are even less willing to put money towards it? Also, it's always hard but important to keep in mind that they have every right to go to the mall, go out to eat, etc. given that they are adults and it's their money. Some could argue that spending $159 on a garment that will be worn exactly once isn't exactly "responsible spending" either. Something to keep in mind.
I am sorry that they are not willing to buy the dress. On the other hand, I think it is a ridiculous thing that bridesmaids have to buy the dresses to begin with. It is your wedding, and by choosing the color and style of their dresses, you have turned them into flowers to add to the wedding decor. In my opinion, they either get to wear their own clothes, or YOU BUY their dresses. J. Crew has a sale on beautiful 100% silk dresses for as low as $59, which you could buy for them. I'm sorry if I sound admonishing; I feel very strongly about this matter.
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ok so I am totally not one for being anywhere close to a bridezilla and don't want to become one BUT besides my MOH my BM's are driving me crazy and it's only the beginning. So they all knew about my wedding since the summer and they all said yes to being a part of it. Now it is time to go get the dresses and all of a sudden no one has money. I just don't get it, I was in one of their weddings and had to get a dress in less than 6 months and I will be returning the favor one day for all of them. There is a little thing called saving. Now I can understand if you don't have money bc you don't work or other reasons however everyone works and then likes to go out and and go on shopping sprees, charge this and that, go out to eat, go to the movies or other related things. Now when it comes down to buying something for someone else no one has a dime or a credit card. I am so hurt and don't understand why no one has been saving and last minute tell me they have no money. I am really regretting this whole wedding thing and should have just eloped. I am in no way shape or form selfish or spoiled, I just look at it as I would do anything for them and find a way to put money down on a dress and I feel like I am not getting the same support but I can hear about where and what they are buying next. I am so frustrated and upset. Am I wrong??