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Since you only got engaged a week ago and you still have 11 months to plan I would put the wedding on the back burner for now. Wait for another three months or so if you're not planning something huge. It'll give everyone time to calm down. Sit down and talk to your FH, I'm sure he's suddenly feeling a lot of pressure. Talking always helps! {{{HIVE HUGS!}}}
I have a lot of have things in my life right now and after months of crying about it, I ended up using my company health insurance to start seeing a therapist
We all have pain and issues around our families. Sometimes we need someone to talk to. Someone who is a 3rd party, who can give you good advice and help you deal with the pain of your family and the wedding
I know that it is like to feel like things are crazy and to be so overwhellmed by life's B.S..Hugs!
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Don't stress over the wedding. It is one day (while important) in a lifetime. Make sure that when the wedidng is over with, that you still have somehting to talk about. My job is crazy and I was taking it out on my fiance. We decided the venue, I decided the flowers and he is doing pretty much everything else because he has more time than I do.
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Take a deep breath. You have plenty of time to plan. Take a break for now, enjoy being engaged -- it is a wonderful thing! When it is time to start the real planning the first thing you need to do is sit down with your fh (and no one else) and decide on A) what type of wedding the two of you want B) your budget and where the money will come from C) how many guests you would both like at the wedding and D) the time of year/when you would like to get married.
Once you have all of the above, then you start planning -- and you stick to your budget regardless of what other people think or say. One thing I HAD to learn to do while planning my wedding was to know when to listen, smile, and nod without showing how I really felt/thought. Then simply doing what my fh and I had planned.
Good luck!
I really feel for you. Sounds like we have a lot in common in some ways. My parents are also into that and also severe alcholics. SO needless to say they are the same way they don't have any money to help and every date we tried to set for the most part was inconvenient to them. There comes a time when yes it hurts they are your parents and yes they should care but sometimes that isn't true. People can be selfish and we just can't let there selfishness ruin our lives. I also had the Fiance family that thought they should get to plan everything and that it should be to their families convenience and even though we said it in the kindest least confrontational way what we wanted for a wedding they threw a huge hissy and no longer speak to us and think I am the devil. SOOOOO please just know you are not alone!!!
I agree with the above post. Decide together what you want and stick to it. The people that truly love you and support you will be the ones there that day and make it very memorable. I am TRULY sorry you are going thru this!
I'm so sorry you're going through this! :( Families can be a pain in the butt!! I agree, that you should probably put the wedding on the back burner. You want your day to be special and without chaos...and if you see this as being impossible then have something small and intimate, where only the people who trully love and appreciate your relationship will be honored to be present. Oh yeah, and this will leave time for your bf to get his stuff straight and start acting right.
I am going to do just that, I decided instead of taking things personal i am going to worry about things that are valid. Like getting my career ducks in a row. I need to think about my babies, when the time comes. i want them to havea great future. So no wedding crazy plans, not yet. So fmaily can discuss it just dont make it a date yet.
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Hey VBD - It's hard when you are trying to make everyone happy. Remember the wedding is just a day and you have PLENTY of time to let things calm down before you make any decissions.
My two cents is this - why not do a close friends and family ceremony at the beach and then allow his parents to host a big to-do after - you can wear your dress or even get a new one and they can have their big party and you can still have your beach thing.
I've learned a lot about trying to keep everyone happy over the past 3 months or so and I've given up. I just said that it doesn't matter what "they" think, it's about me and my FI and starting our lives together with the people who love and support us around.
Keep your chin up and hold your ground on the things that you are passionate about and that really matter to you and let the rest go. OH! Will his parents pay for a beach side wedding then you both can have what you really want?
DB_dress.jpg (122.9 KB, 21 downloads) 1 year old
Its so upsetting that i would of figured everyone to be supportive. the only one that cares is my dad and he didnt take care of me as a child at all. But his mom thats close with us doesnt even awnt to talk about it. Yes that was our plan it was to have teh beach wedding far from here then come back and have the reception, with the 300 people that wanted to attend. My mom side of the family they dont care as well. its wierd. I am upset cause wheni mention this to my guy he has no answer and other things like cars and sports are way to far important then our live about to being shared for life. I would think i would have some sorta communication about the things we need to to do. Seems like i am going to have to plan it all b my aself with no money. each month i am going to have to spend a little and save a little. its so hard to not spend when i dont make much as is. i am sooooo hurt. its funny i thought i would think of it its my wedding but i can only think i am self fish and i dont want to be hated more then i am. i shouldnt even feel hated i am such a kind girl and always doing things for people even if i cant. 
Oh girly...I feel for you. Long story short I've been left by my family many times. When I needed my family the most, they weren't there, they hurt me so much that it took me 3 years to forgive them. They never once asked for an apology but I have forgiven them. My relationship has never been the same and its sad that they don't even really know their grandchild. VBD, you need to feel loved not only by your family but especially by your guy. It sounds like he's not too worried about a wedding or all the drama...personally I think he should at least care about how you feel. Honey, you need to love YOU. In this world no one else matters but yourself...until you have children. You should probably wait for your wedding, and work on the marriage in which you want to be. Your marriage is what is most important!!! The last thing you want is unwanted stress.
Mygoku, thank you for feeling for me, yes i was just telling my guiy that exact thing. that this is were i am lost i have no love. from work friends exept char and crystal great friends. But my mom his mom and family, just seems that i need to enjoy myself. without worring about the wedding. Oh well i just hope i have some love out there and i know you guys are great to me with the advice and great wisdom. Thanx girls
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I am scared so many things are going on in my life its unbelieviable. From getting engaged to having most of everthing go insanly crazy. From family to friends to my own job. It is so hecktic that i am taking it out on my husband to be. Also the complete insucrities, when everyone if his friends want him to check out strippers and drink a shit load of beer. I am seeing a change in him and i dont like it. I am upset with my parents cause my mom is a pot smoking weed head and she has some serious issues. By polar i think its called. My dad just annouced that he is desided to get a devorce with my step mom, and take the kids. Then my bf's family completly disagrees on my wedding type. they want a traditional wedding in this stink town, with 300 guest on their side of the family. My side has maybe 9 thats a maybe. Accourding to my mom she just wants us to elope. and i dont know how to take that, is that her saying sorry sweetheart but i would rather spend my money on my pot then care for your needs. Well bf said his parents will pay for everything. But then think i would have to go with what they want, i dont want to do this cause then they might gain power and then its thier choice all the time. Original plan was to go away and have my beach wedding. and we would pay for it. But now its just completly insane to the point were i dont even want to get married. People are getting just complete psycho. I need comfort.