(Closed) I am scared

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Since you only got engaged a week ago and you still have 11 months to plan I would put the wedding on the back burner for now.  Wait for another three months or so if you’re not planning something huge.  It’ll give everyone time to calm down.  Sit down and talk to your FH, I’m sure he’s suddenly feeling a lot of pressure.  Talking always helps!  {{{HIVE HUGS!}}}

Post # 4
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I have a lot of have things in my life right now and after months of crying about it, I ended up using my company health insurance to start seeing a therapist

We all have pain and issues around our families. Sometimes we need someone to talk to. Someone who is a 3rd party, who can give you good advice and help you deal with the pain of your family and the wedding

 I know that it is like to feel like things are crazy and to be so overwhellmed by life’s B.S..Hugs!

Post # 5
5 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

Don’t stress over the wedding. It is one day (while important) in a lifetime. Make sure that when the wedidng is over with, that you still have somehting to talk about. My job is crazy and I was taking it out on my fiance. We decided the venue, I decided the flowers and he is doing pretty much everything else because he has more time than I do.

Post # 6
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Take a deep breath.  You have plenty of time to plan.  Take a break for now, enjoy being engaged — it is a wonderful thing!  When it is time to start the real planning the first thing you need to do is sit down with your fh (and no one else) and decide on A) what type of wedding the two of you want B) your budget and where the money will come from C) how many guests you would both like at the wedding and D) the time of year/when you would like to get married.

 Once you have all of the above, then you start planning — and you stick to your budget regardless of what other people think or say.  One thing I HAD to learn to do while planning my wedding was to know when to listen, smile, and nod without showing how I really felt/thought.  Then simply doing what my fh and I had planned.

 Good luck!

Post # 7
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I really feel for you.  Sounds like we have  a lot in common in some ways.  My parents are also into that and also severe alcholics.  SO needless to say they are the same way they don’t have any money to help and every date we tried to set for the most part was inconvenient to them.  There comes a time when yes it hurts they are your parents and yes they should care but sometimes that isn’t true.  People can be selfish and we just can’t let there selfishness ruin our lives.  I also had the Fiance family that thought they should get to plan everything and that it should be to their families convenience and even though we said it in the kindest least confrontational way what we wanted for a wedding they threw a huge hissy and no longer speak to us and think I am the devil.  SOOOOO please just know you are not alone!!!

  I agree with the above post.  Decide together what you want and stick to it.  The people that truly love you and support you will be the ones there that day and make it very memorable.  I am TRULY sorry you are going thru this!


Post # 8
7 posts

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! 🙁 Families can be a pain in the butt!! I agree, that you should probably put the wedding on the back burner.  You want your day to be special and without chaos…and if you see this as being impossible then have something small and intimate, where only the people who trully love and appreciate your relationship will be honored to be present.  Oh yeah, and this will leave time for your bf to get his stuff straight and start acting right.

Post # 10
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hey VBD – It’s hard when you are trying to make everyone happy. Remember the wedding is just a day and you have PLENTY of time to let things calm down before you make any decissions.

My two cents is this – why not do a close friends and family ceremony at the beach and then allow his parents to host a big to-do after – you can wear your dress or even get a new one and they can have their big party and you can still have your beach thing.

I’ve learned a lot about trying to keep everyone happy over the past 3 months or so and I’ve given up.  I just said that it doesn’t matter what "they" think, it’s about me and my Fiance and starting our lives together with the people who love and support us around. 

Keep your chin up and hold your ground on the things that you are passionate about and that really matter to you and let the rest go.  OH! Will his parents pay for a beach side wedding then you both can have what you really want?

Post # 12
7 posts

Oh girly…I feel for you.  Long story short I’ve been left by my family many times.  When I needed my family the most, they weren’t there, they hurt me so much that it took me 3 years to forgive them.  They never once asked for an apology but I have forgiven them.  My relationship has never been the same and its sad that they don’t even really know their grandchild.  VBD, you need to feel loved not only by your family but especially by your guy.  It sounds like he’s not too worried about a wedding or all the drama…personally I think he should at least care about how you feel.  Honey, you need to love YOU.  In this world no one else matters but yourself…until you have children.  You should probably wait for your wedding, and work on the marriage in which you want to be.  Your marriage is what is most important!!!  The last thing you want is unwanted stress.

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