- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I am feeling really guilty about even feeling this way but I need some help!!
I have been dating my fiance for 4 and a half years and we are getting married in September.
He is the only person I’ve had sex with, and up until a year or so ago, everything was great. I’ve never had problems having an orgasm or anything like that. He always pleases me, physically, whether we’re having sex, or he’s giving me oral or fingering me. In fact, sometimes I feel like I’d rather him finger me or give me oral than have sex because he’s SO good at it.
But recently I’m having trouble accepting any sort of intimacy from him. Scratch that. I have trouble GIVING. I am not interested in giving him oral or giving him a hand job. It doesn’t disgust me or anything, it’s just boring to me.
When it comes to sex, I HATE the positions he LOVES. I can’t stand the faces he makes or the sounds he makes. He says the corniest stuff. Things that I would have KILLED to hear in my single days. Things like “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and/or “you’re perfect.” Again, I loved hearing this stuff in the early days but now it makes me roll my eyes and I don’t know why!!!
And while I do feel attracted to him in a mental/emotional way, I am having more and more trouble feeling attracted to him physically, especially when he’s naked. He’s always been a heavy/big guy, which I like, to a certain degree. But he’s gained even more weight and now that he doesn’t have a physical job anymore, he’s lost the muscle he had.
He also stopped shaving his back which, just …. I’m sorry, it grosses me out.
I feel like such a shallow, selfish bitch. Especially because he pretty much worships me and my body. Five years ago, this would have made me feel awesome. Now it makes me feel like crap.
And I DO have a sex drive and I DO want to have sex, but, I want to be pleasured MY way. I almost don’t care about him and I know that is bad!
What is wrong with me and how am I supposed to fix this!
So far I have been hiding it pretty well from him. Not faking O’s or anything because I don’t need to but mentally/emotionally I am SO on another planet!