Post # 1
I just got this from FI’s BM’s FI on FB. (That’s a lot of letters..) We’ve had our issues but have put them behind us and have recently become pretty good friends.
Names have been changed.
I know that you and Mr.YourFI went to a bridal show a few weeks ago and won some things from that. I think that you and Mr.YourFI may have registered Mr. FIsBFF and I for some things also. I received a phone call today from a company at the bridal show. Mr. FisBFF and I were chosen for a free honey moon, all we had to do was go to a seminar tomorrow at 8:45pm. However, I have class tomorrow and both Mr. FIsBFF and I have to be at the seminar to receive our gift. Please do not sign Matt and I up for anything else, we will probably not be able to go to the seminars that are required to pick up that gifts and we really do not need anything that are offered at these bridal show. I would really appreciate it if you did not sign us up for anything else since we will not be able to pick them up in the first place. It was really a letdown for me today knowing that we would not be able to go tomorrow night.
Thanks for understanding.
I didn’t sign you up for anything.
1) I don’t have your number address or anything.
2) Honestly, I was not even thinking of you at all while we were attending the bridal show(s).
3) I hardly signed myself up for anything. I was talking to all the vendors and my mother was going around signing me up for everything and I know for a fact that she doesn’t have your contact information.
I am highly upset at your accusatory attitude. If this would have happened to me I would have either ASKED you, not say “I think that you and Mr.FIsBFF may have registered us”. That is flat out rude. Or I would have just shrugged it off. Next time, I’d appreciate if you would not accuse me of something without at least having the courtesy to ask first.
Post # 3
That’s pretty rude to just accuse. And at the same time I’d be pretty put off by your response too and pretty much prepared to not have much of a relationship with them, if there was one to begin with. Is there some bad history there already?
Post # 4
Mr.FIsBFF had some problems with my relationship. I was very young when we started dating and unfortunately people are very uneducated about the law here and very verbal about what they think it is. Especially when our boss is the wife of a cop so OBVIOUSLY she should know the law. Not.
Well he went a little too far one night and I was fed up with it and shared a few choice words along with the real law. And apparently (I honestly don’t remember) that was the first time I had ever met Jbananna. And she was, rightfully, snippity to me after that, but we later put our differences aside and we’re okay now. or Were okay..
Post # 5
She was being presumptuous, but I think she sent a nicely phrased letter. I think your response was too harsh. I think a better response would have been
“Dear So and So
We had a great time at the show, however I did not sign you up for anything there. I personally do not have your contact information to be able to sign you up. I will ask my FI if he did and will let him know that you asked that he not sign you up for anything in the future.
It sounds like a good opportunity about the honeymoon, too bad you cant go.
Post # 6
Sorry, but I don’t think she was accusing you of anything. She said you may have signed us up… I don’t her tone was rude, either. Yeah, she probably have asked you instead of putting it that particular way, but I don’t think the way she said it was rude. And i agree with pinkshoes that your response was a bit rude. I understand that you think she was accusing you, but your response definitely escalated the situation. It’s really hard to read most tones via e-mail, but the tone of your e-mail was pretty darn clear. She may have been presumptuous in her assumption, but I don’t think the way you responded was really warranted. It seems like you guys had some issues in the past, are you sure that you’re not letting that cloud your judgment of what she wrote?
Post # 7
She should have asked if you had done it instead of saying she thinks that you did. However, I do think you could have worded your response more gently if you wanted to maintain close or even a civil relationship with her. If it was me, next time I would wait a while before sending the response so I could cool down and reread it.
Post # 8
@crh1729: I think your response to her was overly harsh and will just give her more ammunition to not like you in the future.
She shouldn’t have presumed you signed them up, but she wasn’t outright rude to you.
I agree with the PPs that you could have been more delicate with your wording. She is going to be “family” after all you might as well try to mend the relationship rather than outright burn bridges.
Ooops… misread and thought she was FI’s brother’s FI. But still, if your FI’s BM is a good friend, you are going to have to spend time with this girl anyway.
Post # 9
The way I read it, she sent you a respectful email (though you are right, she should have asked first instead of assuming you signed her up for that stuff) and you kind of went off on her.
It looks very immature when people send emails like that. You should always answer with restaint and class and never write emails when you’re pissed! I’ve done that before and regretted it after. It just never results in anything good.
Perhaps you should write a follow up, non defensive email and just say “Sorry I got angry, I’ve been stressed out. I did not sign you up for anything. Next time if there’s an issue just ask first and we can straighten it out.”
Post # 10
I thank you guys for your opinions, and honestly this is why I don’t like posting on boards, you don’t know her and the way she goes about. She IS being rude and she WAS accusing me. I can hear her saying it now. This is just how she goes about herself. She doesn’t like hanging out with all of us because as we overheard her one night, “We’re better than all of them and you should find better friends”..
Post # 11
She was a little presumptuous, but your response was hardly a model of tact.
As she is your FI’s BM’s FI, I suggest you immediately send an email, apologizing for your first response and just assure her that you would never sign anyone else up for something without their knowledge.
As an aside, there are no such things as free honeymoons from attending a seminar. These are an entirely different matter than a grand prize giveaway at a bridal fair. They may give you a couple of nights in a hotel but you will end up paying $$$ for travel, a time share etc etc etc.
Post # 12
@crh1729: That’s why written text is SO hard. You never know the tone 100%. In situations like this it is usually better to take the high road.
It is much harder for someone to be a b*tch to you if you don’t give them ammunition.
Kill her with kindness, don’t play her games and don’t stoop to her level, it only gives more fuel to the fire.
Post # 13
I don’t really blame you for being upset in this situation. I think what she said was rude and uncalled for even if she was politely bitchy. Yeah, your response might have been a little harsh too, but like I said, I don’t really blame you for it. I can definitely tell there is some history there. Maybe it’s best if you two don’t really try to be friends. Be nice to each other casually since it’s obvious you have friends in common, but it doesn’t sound like you have the buddings of a good relationship here. lol. Hopefully you guys get everything worked out a bit so you can at least be friendly on occassion! Good luck!
Post # 14
@KatyElle: Thanks, I actually did send that back to her.
Post # 15
@SamanthaSadlier: Thanks, I think that’s the only option at this point.
Post # 16
@crh1729: It does suck when you can’t be friends with someone who is obviously close to one of your FI’s good friends. But as much as it pains you, being civil and taking the high road will always make you look better to everyone else (even if she doesn’t get it).
I can understand the emotion in your response, it is hard to take the high road when you feel someone is needling you. But that’s just what people who needle you want. They only poke the sleeping tiger because they want a reaction.