(Closed) I am so aggrivated!! I am about to explode!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?
    Leave it alone! : (32 votes)
    54 %
    Talk to her again....even though its probably on deaf ears : (16 votes)
    27 %
    Kick her out of the wedding party!!!! : (6 votes)
    10 %
    Why are you even friends? : (5 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Its so hard with these things, because the majority of girls when wedding planning get  emotional with stress. I think the excuse for the ride being too much.. for crying in a bucket its 30 minutes! That would make me mad.. that makes me mad that someone would even think to use it as an excuse. L A M E. So right on sister for being annoyed there. Would she take offence to you asking her to step down? or is it too late for that?

    Post # 4
    Member
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    My MOH is the same way. She hasn’t asked me ONE time about my wedding. My bridal shower is in early July and none of my other bridesmaids have heard from her in terms of invites, decor or ideas. I ended up picking a 2nd MOH, my 2nd MOH planned an entire bachelorette party in a week of me asking her and already started collecting the money for it. I should mention she lives in Atlanta and I live in Pittsburgh. So I can see where you’re coming from. My MOH could care less it seems and her reason is “the wedding is so far away, I am not excited yet”. Which I get if she doesnt understand the planning process. So now I have 5 bridesmaids and 2 MOHs :). I split their duties and actually tried to talk to my original MOH to maybe step down (I of course asked nicely). She refused to. It sucks because my other MOH wants to do everything and she is SOOOOO excited, but I never asked her originally because she is out of state. Buuuut she has done much more than my original one already and it’s been like a month for her and about 9 months for my original. Is there another girl you could ask? Maybe one of the more excited BMs?

    Post # 5
    Member
    123 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Try to understand it from her point of view…I’m sure she is happy for you, but maybe its hard for as well.  Your MOH is your closest friend, you’re getting married- she may be affected by this by reflecting on her own life and may not what she sees…so she isn’t involved because its hard on her…

    Of course, she might be just plain ol’ self-centered because i’m way off in my assessment above!

    I just know I’ve been through many weddings and thankfully, I never reacted like that, many other of my friends have done so.  

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    Maybe I’m of the minority but I don’t think it’s the MOH’s job to do your crafts. If she volunteers to help with things like making favors then great but to require her to come to your house and help you twice is a bit much. I feel like she is making a fair compromise by asking you to give her the pieces and she’ll do the work at her place so she does not have to drive. If you want the help, then you should be willing to drop the stuff off since you drive to your mom’s anyway.

    As far as attending a bridal party party, I would think she would want to do that but maybe she is just feeling like too much is expected of her at this point.

    Post # 7
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I have to agree with Slicey19 on this one…I don’t think that you should MAKE anyone do your crafts. I would be embarassed to have to force people to come to me not once but 2 times in order for me to have things I thought were needed for the day. If they ask then sure use the help…but making it a requirement is a little pushy.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m kind of on the fence about this.  Saying she can’t make the drive because it’s 30 minutes, is kind of lame.  If I was in your BP I would be making a bigger effort.

    However, because you have some BMs who are being really great about helping you, I think your perception has been impacted.  I don’t think it’s unreasonable that she doesn’t want to do your favors.  Some gals really don’t like that stuff.  And I agree that having you drive to her to give her the favors is a fair enough compromise.  They’re YOUR favors.  Why does she need to drive to your place, and do the work, for your wedding.  A bridal party isn’t really there to be your free labor. 

    Also, I was with you saying you wanted to have a party for the BP, until you said it was basically a meeting to work.  I don’t know how necessary it is to have a meeting to go over all the details of the wedding.  I’m guessing you already planned a rehearsal.  You could even send them a nice outline of the day.  And if a meeting is that necessary, I would be a little put off too, being in the BP.  Sounds like a lot of work.  The fun dance makes for a good time.  But the reason why a lot of weddings don’t have something like that is because it’s hard to find an entire BP willing to get an act together.    Maybe your MOH doesn’t feel comfortable doing this dance.  Or maybe she just feels like you’re asking too much and is trying to avoid you.

    Just a guess.  Maybe there’s something else going on. (I like what mmuncha said.  Maybe she is dealing with some other emotions about your upcoming marriage.)  But I would cut her some slack.  Be thankful you have some BMs who are willing to help you.  And maybe ease up on your expectations of them.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I too agree wtih Slicey19.  I wouldn’t EXPECT my BM’s to make my crafts however it would be nice if they wanted to.   One of my BM’s offered this weekend to do my placecards but she asked that I give her the supplies and she will make them at home on her own time (aka after work in front of the tv!)

    Again, you are asking her to do a favor for your (help you with the crafts) so if she wants to do them at home and asks you to drop them off then you should. 

    30 minutes may not be a big drive but its not right around the corner. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    are you sure there’s not something else going on under the surface? My best friend who will be my MOH can be very sensitive and emotional, and sometimes does things or acts certain ways that make me so angry-  but usually when i dig a little deeper, i find out that it’s an emotional reaction or defense mechanism for something that is bothering her. Not saying that its acceptable to act like a jerk if you are self conscious or upset about something, but it’s better than her acting that way because she is trying to be hurtful and/or doesnt’ care. Is there any sort of jealousy going on (of your happiness/marriage/other bms?) is there something else giong on in her life that is making her feel inadequate (as a person, an MOH, etc)? Mayve try talking to her about it. She’s your MOH for a reason and if she really is a very good/best friend, there’s got to be somethign more holding her back than a 30 minute ride.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You already asked her to step down once?! I bet she just feels really uncomfortable about everything. I think if you want to salvage your friendship you need to put your wedding stuff aside and get together and do non-wedding related things.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Hmm, I’m in the camp that you shouldn’t be expecting your bridesmaids to do anything for you. I know you said it’s tough b/c you have 4 kids, but your bridesmaids have other things going on besides your wedding. I know a half hour drive doesn’t seem like a lot, but that’s an hour (1/2 hour both ways) out of her day just in travel time for her to help you out with something. And I know as a friend, she shouldn’t mind, but she may have a ton of other stuff going on in her life right now that she isn’t telling you about b/c she knows you’re stressed with planning. I’m a firm believer that no one should have to take on your wedding tasks except for you. I think it would be different if she had originally offered to help and then backed out, but the reality is, your bridemaids may have other things on their mind besides your wedding. Their job is to buy a dress, and show up the day you get married.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m sorry, but I think you may be overreacting a bit.  The big picture is that you are marrying the person you love.  In my opinion, your MOH and BMs are there to provide support, not be responsible for the other activities you mentioned.  How would you feel if a friend of yours asked you to be the MOH and then asked you to step down?  I certainly wouldn’t be too happy (even if I didn’t want to admit it).  What is there to make her think you won’t ask her to step down again?  

    If it were me, I would just focus on the big picture – at the end of the day it’s all about the union between you and your husband.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I really think it’s unreasonable that you are expecting her to help with your favors.  As a bridesmaid your responsibility is to buy a dress and show up on time.  No more.  Now, if your bridesmaids want to do more.. that’s great!  But if they don’t, you can not force them.  You asked these people to be in your wedding party because you are close to them and they mean a lot to you, not because you need free labor.  It’s really not their responsibility to take on extra tasks just because you have four kids.  If you can’t handle all the details on your own you will need to cut back.  Maybe frozen truffles was too much to try to do.

    Post # 16
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I guess there are two ways to think of this.  one – no matter what we might hope of others, our weddings will only ever be the most important to ourselves, not everyone else.

    However, this doesn’t mean that those closest to you can’t show their support and love.

    If the tables were turned, how would you be as an MOH.  Give it some thought before you approach her.  I hope it works out, because we all know that an uncooperative MOH is the last thing any bride needs!

     

    xoxo

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