Post # 1
So, my fiance and I are only having a three month engagement because of the availability of our venue. It was either get married in three months or wait over a year until their next open Saturday. We KNEW this was the place for us to get married. It was the place he took me for our first weekend away together and the place where he proposed. Well, due to unfortunate timing, my very close friend that I have known since kindergarten, will be 35 weeks pregnant. I, of course, asked her to be a bridesmaid and she said yes. Ever since I have been engaged she has treated me completely different. She isn’t excited for me, she didn’t even say congrats when I told her. Her first response was “did he ask your dad?” and I said “of course” which maybe that upset her because he didn’t ask her dad because “he knew what he would say”. Not my problem…anyways, we are getting married 3 hours away from where she lives so she is worried she will go into labor there and then won’t be able to come home for weeks since it would be premature, which all of this, I totally understand and I have told her many times to make the decision that she feels most comfortable with and in no way will I be upset. I told her that she could change her mind the day before the wedding and I will support her 100% because her baby and her are her first priority. Anyways, things have gotten really weird between us. She never calls, she never messages me or anything. And when I do contact her she never asks about the wedding. We just only talk about her baby. And what really gets to me, is that I have always been her cheerleader, when she got married and when she got pregnant. Why can’t she be the slightest bit happy for me? At this point I don’t even want her in my wedding and I don’t care if we are friends afterwards either. My fiance says that I am overreacting and that we have been friends for way to long but like I told him, why do I want to continue a friendship with someone who isn’t supporting the biggest day of my life? And another thing that upset me is that she never asked to see my ring…maybe not such a big deal but whatever, it still bothered me. And even my fiance says that complete strangers are more excited for us than she is.
Can anyone help and give me some insight here? I don’t know what to do and I hate to throw away this friendship but at the same time, I can’t be totally responisble for it. She needs to chip in too, right?
Post # 3
I agree with your FI. I think you are overreacting.
Contrary to what the commercials and TV shows portray, pregnancy is not always a walk in the park. Not only is she excited about her baby, like you are excited about your wedding, but she is probably overly tired, wore out, uncomfortable, moody, going through bodily changes, the list goes on.
I think you should cut her some slack. Have a talk with her. You have been good friends for a very long time. When you have the talk with her, maybe suggest that you talk about her baby/pregnancy for so many minutes, and then you can talk about your wedding for so many minutes, so you both have an opportunity to voice your excitement and concerns.
Sometimes being pregnant also messes with your mind. I am sure she is not doing this intentionally.
Post # 4
You have to do what feels right for you, but pregnancy can do weird things to people. I was a mess, and probably treated people badly at times because my emotions were just totally out of control. Not saying that the way she is behaving is right or fair, but if she’s always been a good friend before this, you may find that after the baby is born she goes back to being that good friend.
On the other hand, some people are just really self involved and if it wasn’t her pregnancy it would be something else. In the end, only you know what she is usually like, and if her friendship is worth putting up with her self-centred behaviour.
Good luck with this! I’m sorry you found yourself in this situation.
Post # 5
I think it would be good to start with, “Is everything okay lately?” and then if she says something like “of course everything is fine” let her know (gently) why you’re wondering.
Also, the most common complaint I’ve heard from bridesmaids is that brides forget anyone else has a life – are you regularly talking about stuff other than the wedding, or is the wedding kind of all that you talk about anymore? If the latter, might be wise to cool it in preference of ‘real’ conversation once in a while, even though you’re pressed for time.
Post # 6
I don’t care how pregnant someone is, if she is a good friend she would be there for you. During my engagement I have had no less than 5 VERY pregnant friends (one of which is due this week) and although we have talked a lot about their babies and their experiences during this time, they are ALWAYS interested in my wedding. Like jennibride said, only you know her well enough to determine if this is a temporary hormonal situation, or if it is par for the course with this girl. Both of you are in the middle of very life-changing events and everyone handles these things differently.
Post # 7
Thanks for the input!
I haven’t talked to her about the situation, I am not good in situations like that (I am a pushover). I get that she is hormonal and might not be thinking how she typically would but I don’t think that means I could just get over the fact that she hasn’t said “Congratulations, I am happy for you guys”. And I very rarely talk about wedding stuff around her. I am the last of my girlfriends to be getting married and I know what it feels like to have wedding talk 100% of the time so I make a concious effort to not talk about it. Plus, I need a break from the wedding talk myself every now and then. And she is the only person I know that doesn’t EVER ask about the planning or offer to help.
I keep putting myself in her position (even though I have never been pregnant so I am not sure how I will be) but I can’t ever imagine myself being such a downer for someone, especially for a friend so close. Plus, she doesn’t seem she is very hormonal but maybe I am wrong. Who knows…I just really hope and pray that it works out between us.