- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Seriously, I am so done. I never wanted it. I wanted an elopement. But I agreed to the wedding because FI wanted it so much. All the planning fell to me, of course. And I have tried so hard to make it a very “us” event. From the venue to the food to the theme and decor, I have tried to make this as personal and intimate as possible. It should, in theory, be our dream wedding. And it’s not. I hate every second of this planning process and I hate every imagined moment of the upcoming wedding day. Why?
My family and their ridiculous dynamics, that’s why. And they’re why I never wanted the wedding in the first place. Because I knew they’d be ridiculous. FI said I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Well, they got it – 17 months of it. And now we’re three months out and I am just done.
I came home from a visit with my mom tonight, and FI knew right away something was wrong. Asked me if I was okay and I just started crying. And I said – and this is terrible, it really is, but it felt so good to finally say it out loud after I’ve been holding it in for months and months – I said, “I would like our wedding so much more if none of my family was coming to it.”
And that’s the truth.
I don’t want to go into details because there is just too much and I don’t have it in me to rehash it all here right now. I’m too tired and I’m too heartsick. I just needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks for letting me vent, bees.