- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Okay, quick bit of back story here – fiance and I were planning to go to visit some friends out of state for the long weekend a few weeks ago. Then one of fiance’s best friend’s brother passed away unexpectedly, so we cancelled our plans and went to fiance’s hometown for the weekend.
Fiance’s friends were planning a BBQ to help cheer up the friend who had just lost his brother, so the only reason we were in town was to see this friend and support him with what he’s going through.
So we arrived at fiance’s parents’ house (we planned on staying the night there after the BBQ), and his parents immediately launched into their usual criticisms about how he doesn’t visit enough, doesn’t call enough, etc. etc. FMIL then asked fiance if he wanted her to make anything for the BBQ, fiance thanked her, but said it was fine – there would already be plenty of food (he had already asked the host if anything was needed). FMIL and FFIL went off again about how rude he was for not bringing anything, fiance still said not to worry about it. FFIL then stormed up to me and demanded that I “talk some sense into that idiot! We can make something and it’s no trouble at all.” I said if fiance said it was okay, then it was okay.
Ten minutes later, FFIL started harrassing fiance, asking how long he would be at this BBQ. Fiance responded with “I don’t know, we’re there to support [friend], so we’ll be there as long as we need to be.” FFIL got angry again because he was also having a BBQ for the long weekend and he wanted us there (remember, we were originally going out of state – it’s not like we were coming to FFIL’s BBQ, then changed our mind at the last minute, even though I think that would be justified in the circumstances). FFIL whinged about this all day until we finally left to go to fiance’s friend’s house, and even then he still kept going on about how we shouldn’t stay out too late. Oh, and he told me to make sure fiance drinks while he’s out, because “a real man drinks” (fiance doesn’t like drinking).
Anyway, we had a great night with fiance’s friends.
We returned to fiance’s parents’ house at about 1am, and his dad was trashed. He was still in the backyard with some friends drinking, and complained when we said we were tired and just wanting to go to bed. Now, FFIL gets very touchy feely when he’s had a few drinks – especially with me. So he’s stroking my arms, face, hair, back, pinching my cheek, grabbing my head and kissing me on the cheek or forehead, etc. Really uncomfortable. I’m generally comfortable with physical contact, but it’s got to be on my terms, and there are just some no-go areas. Hugs are fine with me, but touching on the head or arms is just weird and very uncomfortable for me.
He’s also started going on about how I’m family, and I’m their daughter now (they don’t have any daughters). He’s then dragged me around his group of friends and introduced me as his “daughter.” Fuck – I love my future-in-laws, but I’ve already got a family with parents and I’m marrying their son. Not them.
I’m just at a stage now where I’m terrified of the thought they will think they somehow “own” me, simply because I am marrying their son. I don’t ever want them talking to me the way they talk to my fiance (the only reason I haven’t gone off at them for their disgusting treatment of him is because fiance asked me not to). If they ever try and treat me or my future children the way they treat fiance, I will lose it with them.