I am so sick of obligatory invitations.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

At the very moment you gave into your mother’s whims, you put yourself in this position. If your dream was you, your FI and your (respective) parents at the JOP, you could have (and probably should have) declined their gift and went on with what you, as an autonomous adult wanted to do. 

Sorry you’re going through this, but there will likely be so many people at your wedding, WHO CARES who comes? You likely won’t have time to pay them any attention anyway

Post # 5
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@SouthernGirl:  You know? You really should stop looking/expecting/waiting for something to go wrong, because quite honestly, if you’ll be paying attention to her behavior the whole day, you’re GOING to find something she did wrong that is going to absolutely “ruin” your day. Just go get married. It’s your (mother or father’s) sister. They shouldn’t be put in the position to explain why she didn’t get invited to a party they’re paying for. Unless she hit, kicked, spit on or killed your parents or children, you can put “but I just don’t like her” away for a day.

It grows character. Laughing

Post # 6
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d understand if you were talking about a family friend you don’t know, but this is your family. I know they have issues, but they’ll be more upset not being invited to their neice/cousin’s wedding then you will having 2-4 extra people when you have room on your guest list. Invite them and be happy your mom isn’t inviting random friends you barely know like a lot of parents’ do.

Post # 8
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@SouthernGirl: 

I’m sure many people won’t understand where you’re coming from, but I unfortunately do. The situation many will see here is the “she just doesn’t like her aunt and can just put up with it for a day!” scenario, and not the very real, very dangerous “scenes will be caused and embarrassment and craziness will follow” scenario.

Honestly, I would stand my ground. I’m quite possibly going to end up picking and choosing cousins and not inviting certain aunts and uncles. If everyone came, there is a high likelihood of some damaging blowout occurring between my mom and various other family members.

It is not worth it to me to be freaking out internally the entire day of my wedding that something crazy might be happening at any second.

Post # 9
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@SouthernGirl:  She’s a wedding guest. She has no reason to stop you to ask you about pictures. She won’t be in them. If it makes you feel better, provide a cushion for her. Otherwise, put people next to her who can keep her under control.

Post # 10
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Tough situation…is it possible to invite your aunt and her kids( I.e. your cousins) only? Maybe if the invite isn’t extended to your second cousins (rightfully so IMO) then some of the others won’t be able to make it. 

Post # 11
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@SouthernGirl:  Could you get away with doing a reception-only invite for her? Explain the ceremony is just for immediate family (even if that’s a white lie). Normally I would say suck it up and invite her,  but she has a particularly egregious history during ceremonies. 

If you wanted to do the more honest thing, you could always pull her aside and say you want to invite her, but you’ve seen how she’s disrupted other ceremonies. That might anger her to the point where she wouldn’t want to come, but at least you would have put her on notice and she’ll know she can’t get away with that kind of behavior without being called on it. 

Post # 13
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My FILs gave us the vast stinking majority of our budget for our wedding…, which I am totally grateful for. Annnnnnd then she later sent FI a long list of like…probably 40 people to invite because she told them about our wedding and she wanted to come! My ceremony venue only seats like 50, lol.

And we HAVE to invite FI’s grandmother to prevent drama because FMIL and her mom don’t get along, totally hate each other, and all that jazz….but if we DON’T invite her, she’ll tell the whole family how FMIL prevented her from seeing her only grandson get married! If she DOES come, we have to deal with FI’s lightwight mom and his grandmother, who hates her daughter.

Ain’t family grand?!

Post # 14
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@SouthernGirl:  Please please please get a special cusion with a “Reserved for great aunt So-and-So” sign. That would be phenomenal and hilarious!

Post # 16
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@SouthernGirl:  it’s your great-aunt? psh..don’t invite her. FI and I have big families (my mom is one of 11 and his mom is one of 7!) so we have to stick to only our aunts, uncles, and first cousins…and our guest list is huge! Why does your mom think it will be such an issue if you haven’t even seen her in years?

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