(Closed) I am SO SO sick of drama.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Thats a bummer 🙁

I dont think there is much you can say or do in this situation. She will be there most of the night, and all day while you get ready which I think is the most important part. Plus, it sounds like she already scheduled the party. I would just tell her you are disappointed she wont be there for the whole night and leave it at that.

Post # 4
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Humm.. that’s a difficult one. Tell her you understand but you thought back when you asked her to be a BM that she would be able to stay the whole evening to help clean up and arrange things but if it’s no way to get around it you totally understand. –That’s what I would do

Post # 5
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you have a right to be upset.  yuo want your friend to celebrate with you.  I think you should tell her as nicely as possible, that you are a lil hurt that she won’t be able to share one of the most special times with you and politely request that she stay for a little bit longer.  if it is absolutely imperative that she meet her mom their for the aha surprise moment, then I would let this one go.  She will be with you the whole day and for 2 hours of a 4 hour reception.  not terrible.

Post # 7
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Okay I understand you are hurt, as I would be to if in this situation. However your friend may have not known about the bday party until just recently. Yes she knew it was her mom’s bday but someone else might be planning the party. And it sounds like she wants to do both. So I would talk to her and try to work out any hard feelings.  And try to be understanding because it sounds like she is conflicted. 

Post # 8
Member
46158 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Of course you are hurt. She must have known that it was her mother’s birthday when she accepted to be your bridesmaid and should have raised that as a possible conflict.

On the other hand, it is natural that she is conflicted. It’s a surprise party for her mom. How can she not attend?

I think the generous and kind-spirited thing to do is to thank her for telling you, let her know that you understand her dilemna and revise any plans you may have made for her to participate in clean up.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@M.Ruder: I understand why you are hurt. If I was her I would just not be there for the surprise and show up to my Mom’s party late. However, I’m a recent bride and understand the impact that not being there could have on a bride. I’m assuming that she’s single and hasn’t been through this (right?) so she isn’t understanding what you are going through.

Post # 10
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like she’s trying to spread herself too thin here. Obviously you are very important to her and she is trying really hard to be there for you as much as possible. I think it’s okay to be a little upset that she didn’t tell you earlier, but then focus on the fact that she is really trying to participate in the wedding and support you as a friend

Post # 11
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Look, although it’s a huge bummer for you, realize that her life doesn’t stop for your wedding.  She’s probably known about her mom’s birthday for way longer, and although it would have been nice to explain the situation sooner realize that her family comes first and that you won’t miss one person for a few hours.  It’s okay, just tell her it’s fine – and then make sure to spend the time with her that you have. 

Post # 12
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

She may have committed to your wedding hoping that it would work out somehow, even though she might have known deep down that it wouldn’t. Something similar happened with one of my BM’s, I just wished her well and told her we’d celebrate another time. It sounds like she feels pretty bad about it already; it’s OK to be hurt but try and be understanding.

Post # 13
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Tell her you think the situation sucks and you’re sad she has to leave early, but you’re happy she can at least be with you for the majority of the day. Enjoy and appreciate her while she’s there and send her off with a hug. In the long run, you’ll look back and be glad you did.

Post # 14
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

That does suck. She probably knew that it was her mom’s b-day.. but she probably didn’t know they were going to plan a huge party for it. So now there is a dilemma. I wouldn’t be mad that she can’t be there for the whole reception. You’re probably not going to see her that much even if she did stay. There are so many people tugging at you and wanting to talk to you. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and just let her leave after y’all cut the cake and have first dances, etc.

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Personally I think its unacceptable for a BM to not be able to stay for the duration of the reception. She knew she was in your wedding before her moms party was planned.  Birthday parties especially suprise parties dont have to be the exact same day as the birthday. Besides birthdays come every year, weddings come once in a lifetime [usually] I would honestly be very very hurt angry and upset if my BM did this. If I was planning my moms birthday party and knew I was a bm in a wedding I would postpone the party to the enxt weekend or another day. We did a surprise birthday party for my dad one week before his actual birthday, he loved it and was expecting it even less

 

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