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We're dealing with money stress. We're paying for the wedding on our own and it's getting tough. We're having our wedding at a State Park Lodge. I love the rustic-ness of it. And the rent was really cheap (under $300). We're having a more expensive wedding than you're planning, but there would be ways to cut costs. Our largest cost will be the menu and bar (about $5000), but we have a custom menu and top shelpf drinks. I'm sure you could do it for much less. There is the responsiblity of decorating and cleaning, but I hired a wedding coordinator that will be responsible for all that so I don't have to do it. You could probably hire a DOC that would do it too ($300-500). Just a few ideas. Good luck
First, congratulations on leaving an abusive husband. That must have taken a lot of guts, and I'm sorry if your family doesn't see it that way.
Secondly, do you think you could set a tentative date two years from now to make your parents happy?
Also, I understand your desire to get married in a "real" reception hall. Not wanting to do any cleanup afterward, or set up before hand is totally understandable, however, there are several nice places other than reception halls (that aren't the VFW either) that might help budget wise. I'll go do a google search and see what I come up with.
I think, even if you aren't in the DIY category, you can still have a nice reception on a budget if you look hard enough!
Good luck!
Kudos to you for doing the right thing and starting your life over again!
Now to answer your financial dilemma. I had two friends who went thru this and here's what they did.
Destination wedding!
Since they're not paying for your wedding, if the parents want to come, they can pay THEIR way to attend! Have it at a resort where if you stay (for the Honeymoon say 7 days) they'll do the wedding either for free or for a song! There are also very workable packages you can find at some all inclusive resorts which will make you feel like the Princess Bride you deserve to be without breaking the bank.
I'm sorry both sets of parents aren't providing financial assistance. I'm an encore and did my first wedding pretty much on my own and definitely this wedding too!
Check out the encore board also. Some great ideas abound there and the destination weddings board too!
Hive hugs!
Here is a place that includes everything but a cake for $4,999 (I'm assuming that's not including gratuity or taxes.)
http://www.weddingwire.com/biz/canoe-club-ballroom-west-bridgewater/website/0af073f053700ac3.html
That looks like a great place VegasBaby! I noticed they also do Friday/Sunday packages which are usually at a good discount so that could halp with your budget. Good luck!
We are dealing with the exact same thing! We have a ton of student loan debt for each of us having 4 years of undergrad and my fiance went to grad school--where I then worked 2 part time jobs to make things work soooo completely been there and understand 150%
I wanted a fab Disney Fairytale Wedding....I wanted fun...relaxed...and friends there above all (since we have most of our friends in Florida and we now have livedn in VA, and TX and havent seen them)...pricetag....$35K AT LEAST!!! Not in the budget...we tried for 20K and realized we would be waiting around far too long---we have already been together engaged for a year and a half by the time we are getting married now and I did not want to wait any longer...Solution....DESTINATION DISNEY/CRUISE WEDDING!!
We have in total at this point spent just under the 10K goal. We have people coming and they are spending like $400 or a little more to be there for 4 nights all inclusive! Not too bad in my opinion (I mean guests expect you to pay for their meals/bar for a normal reception--and that's like 100-200 anyhow so that was our justification in asking people to join us and us not footing the cost in the grand scale $400 isnt much for a trip!)
We are taking a 4 night cruise and booked a larger veranda room for the stay (approx $2000, and you can pay in installments!)
The wedding package (on deck 7 while docked naussa -atlantis will be out backdrop!) includes the ceremony, marriage license, cake, champagne for a toast, ceremony music (pianist), first dance, and also a "special gift" upon arrival and $100 on board credit, a fresh floral bouquet and flower for groom $2500
We also in our costs have the invites we did ourselves, flights, hotel the night before, hotel at disney for 3 nights (mini honeymoon) 4 days of tickets at the parks, meal plan (4 nights 3 meals a day at any disney resturant all included!) a bottle of wine each night of the cruise, and each night in the resturant at the parks, this also includes 2 rental cars, one before the cruise and one after the cruise.
We did welcome bags for the guests, I bought my dress, rented the tux, purchased the groomsmen ties, and made the bridesmaids photo books....there are also some various DIY things for the rooms for the guests and in all honesty its coming together great!
We have 15 of the 28 we invited attending and could not be happier!!! 3 months and counting and ALL PAID OFF!!!! Trust me YOU CAN DO IT!!! Just do some digging and make it your own!
That place looks nice but it is way out of our price range. They require a min. of 100 people. That would be 5K right there for the cheapest plan and we'd have to go over our budget for everything else. :(
So how does it work when you have to stay behind and clean up. I know me. It will absolutely destroy my wedding day to have to set up and clean up. Absolutely ruin it. But I see no other option we can afford right now. :(
I am so depressed. I don't even want a wedding anymore.
Ok, deep breath. How many people are you planning on inviting? We can help you find something! Even if it means hiring a DOC to clean up afterwards so you won't have to!
FI will not do a destination. :( His family won't travel.
Part of what pisses me off so much is my thing is we're going to have to spend at least 5K for our crappy ghettofabulous wedding to feed all the people who will be there. I consider a crappy wedding a waste of money. I'd rather take that same 5K and just not have a reception. :(
FI does not understand why I don't want to spend my wedding night cleaning up after 75 people...
That will ruin my whole day, having to stay and clean up. It kills the fantasy. It's like I just want one day of fantasy and not having to deal with reality crap like cleaning.
What about a hor dourves and cocktails reception here: http://www.salempartnership.org/friendship-events.htm
Friday night for 4 hours which includes setup and breakdown (not food or drink) $1,800
What is a DOC?
I don't think I'll have any spare money to spend on hiring a person to clean up :(
Right now, we have 75 as what we are hoping. This includes 48 on his side. My mother will throw a hissy when she finds out I'm not inviting my cousins on her side but there are 5 siblings there, all married with kids and then I'd have to invite the spouses and probably the kids too.
Vegas Baby, we're actually hoping to hold the ceremony on the ship. I was under the impression we'd still have to stay behind and clean up there though if we did the reception there. :(
get bridesmaids/really good friends and make it clear that you're doing this on a budget so they will have to do real WORK. i was in a wedding where we did set up AND breakdown for her brunch and evening dance. that's what you do for friends. but keep EVERYTHING else v. low key and make it easy to set up (read no fancy centerpieces that have to be set up exactly so) and write VERY heartfelt thank you notes.
DOC = day of coordinator. Depending on how experienced this person is, it might only be a couple hundred dollars to hire someone. My boss is actually doing this as a gift for a friend who's getting married. Maybe you'll have someone who would do the same for you.
Also, about the ship cleanup situations, I think the cateres will usually help clean up and the onsite person for the ship will usually help.
How about having a smaller wedding at a restaurant in the North End? I'm sure that a few of them have a banquet room, and they would do all of the set up/clean up. Not as traditional, but with a limited budget, it might work out!
Ok, maybe his family would be willing to help with the cleanup? I agree that is where your wedding party can come in and more than likely they will be glad to do so. We almost had our wedding at my FI's grandparents property and when I mentioned to one of my BM's that I wanted my family and friends not to have to worry about clean up, she said that is what they (the friends in the wedding party) were there for!
Or how about here: http://www.victoriastationinc.com/Functions_menu.html
It says no room fees, and most banquets are under $30 per person (without alcohol) and the staff here would do all the cleanup at the end.
You could have a brunch with 75 people (let your mom freak, they aren't helping you with the budget and it's your wedding!)
Thanks. All.
I just found this place http://www.calitris.com/
We are pizza, pasta, cheese and wine people so this sounds like it could work.
Where does one find a DOC?
I have no close friends who will be in the wedding. The only person who will be on "my side" as a bridal party member is actually a guy who will be there as man of honor. I literally have no female friends or relatives. Weird, I know.
I think his mom might be willing to help w/ cleanup a bit but I'm not going to dump it all on her. :( That woman is a saint, I swear.
or how about at a local college or university convention center? http://www.salemstate.edu/3583.php
<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="color: #606420;">http://www.uniquevenues.com/search.cfm/state_search/ma
that place looks great. I would look on craigslist or post on sites like these in the Local boards for your area for a DOC. Make sure you find a person with good, legit reviews!!
And I think if you're having it a restaurant, the staff there will help with the cleanup. You'll just need to have people make sure gifts are packed up and any decorations you bring that you want to keep, etc.
I think the Italian place you posted would be perfect! Especially if you're big on pizza, pasta, cheese and wine! You could definitely do something on your budget there.
Looking at their menu was making me hungry.
I realize that pizza & pasta might not be the most classy meals ever, but find me one person who doesn't like those things... ;)
First things first-sit down and make a list of whats important and what YOU want-not what others expect. If you want pizza and pasta, go for it. Just make sure you invite me. ;-) Seriously though, go for it. If that reflects who you and your fiance are, people will enjoy it. I'd much rather go to a quirky, fun wedding with lots of reflection of the bride and groom than a boring, stuffy wedding affair that looks like it came out of a wedding kit. The budget will fall into place. You'll find places to scrimp and save. I didn't think we would be able to plan a wedding for under $5000 in 7 months but we did it-well we're almost there!
Prioritize what's important to you and throw away the rest. We are not doing a lot of traditional stuff and it's saved our budget over and over.
If you are looking for cheap set-up/clean-up help, you could also check out the local high schools in your area. A lot of times, groups and clubs (drama, dance, band, etc...) will do this sort of manual labor for a fundraiser. Just make sure they have a responsible, adult advisor that will be supervising the whole time. Most clubs and groups will either negotiate a really low price or do it for a donation (your choice of how much to give).
I got the local high school cheerleading squad to do this for me one summer for a corporate event. For 2 hours of work (1 hour set-up and 1 hour clean-up) by 10 high schoolers and 2 adult advisors, they asked for $100. I paid them more, but a lot of clubs will just take whatever they can get.
Thats a good idea about the clubs. My roommate has a ton of school aged neices... one of them has to have a club connection.
Aw honey, I just want to send you a hug. I feel ya about spending money on things you do not want - and you deserve to have beautiful wedding that will make you happy.
I'm really trying to push him to agree to book that Italian place. Every time I look at the menu, it all looks sooo good. And it's reasonable. We could have extra $$ for other stuff if we did that.
Sounds like things are coming together for you after all. Just keep your head in the game and it will all be worth it in the end ... at least that's what I keep telling myself ;)
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We are getting NO financial assistance from either family whatsoever.
His family are saints! They would love to help but really can't. However, his mom has been like a second MOH for me. She is so supportive and there for me whenever I need someone to vent to.
My parents, otoh, are richer than god but refuse any emotional or financial assistance because I was married for 3 weeks 10 years ago when I was barely out of college. I left my ex when he hit me. Once. I didn't let hit #2 happen. Despite the fact that I have 10 years more maturity and have been supporting myself for the last 10 years on my own, they actually refuse to even acknoweledge our engagement because we don't have a date set.
We don't have a date set because we aren't sure how long it will take us to save for the wedding and also, because FI owns a house with his 2 brothers that they are trying to sell. (It's not exactly a sellers market).
We think we can save 5K in 2 years.
I really do not have a lot of demands for my wedding.
I just would like to have a real reception site (read: no VFW halls)
with catered food (read: Potluck is for your aunts retirement party, not my wedding).
I also want a REAL honeymoon since it will likely be the first and only real vaca FI & I get to take for a loooong time.
I do not want a VFW hall because IMO, they look trashy. I have hated every wedding I've been to in one. They are usually dirty, and seem to have veterans crap all over the place.
I am not crafty. I can't magically make a sucky looking room look better. I literally have no female friends who are good at things like this either.
Also, I do not have anyone who will stay and clean up for me after the reception. I do not want to spend my wedding night cleaning a reception hall.
So I want a real reception site. Can you imagine having to spend your wedding night cleaning a hall?? No.
:( What I really want is to elope and use the 5K for a classy looking ceremony somewhere, just the two of us, and then an awesome honeymoon. But he really wants his whole family present.
When I tell people this I am usually met with this response "Well, Gothybride2b, you are obviously more interested in having a fancy wedding than in your marriage and in the value of family"
WHAT!? So I want a nice wedding! That makes me somehow love my fiance less? That somehow makes me not respectful of his closeness to his family? Please...
Anyone else dealing with money stress and judgemental idiots?