- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I am so stressed that I just might call everything off! I am seriously facing one of the hardest decisions that I ever faced in my 28 years of living. My wedding is November 14th - so I am mid way there with the planning. My fiance and I reside in NYC, where the wedding is set to take place too. While the cost of the wedding has been beyond worrisom, I know that its going to happen. In addition to the wedding stress, I have constantly thought about our immediate future after the celebration is over. While we have been together for 71/2 years and living together for 6years, I am ready to start our little family.
So...with the out of control rent situation here in NYC and the country suffering thorugh a mortgage crisis, we made the decision to continue to rent right outside the city for the next two years and proceed with purchasing a home thereafter. The exact plan was to move from our 1 bedroom apartment a few months after the wedding (April '09) to a larger apartment - 2 or 3 bedrooms. This way, I could work from home comfortably and we would have room for our future little one.
So...here is the major dilema! The current owner of our apartment has decided to increase our rent by 10 freaking percent - UGH! While we were planning to move into a larger place in exactly a year, we expected our new rent to be well over what we currently pay (increase included). So...while facing this annoyance, I have found myself surfing countless real estate listings on the internet just to get a clear idea of our future living situation. While doing so, I came across an add for an amazing home for sale in Bergen County, NJ. If any of you are familiar with the tri-state area, you know how close it is to the city (15 mins literally) and how nice it is there.
So...long story short - out of curiosity, I contacted the number on the listing and it put me directly in touch with the home's owner. After talking with him for over an hour over the phone, he invited me over to take a look at the house. My fiance and I headed over there yesterday evening and all I can say is that we were instantly in love. The home is large (2500 sq ft - I'm originally from LA and would love to get back to my closet and kitchen having days), it's in immaculate/pristine condition, it's in an amazing neighborhood with Hudson River views, great school systems, everything that you could ever need on the main street (River Road) like Target, Movie Theatre, Whole Foods, etc. ITS PERFECT - I KID YOU NOT! Lastly, the real estate deal would be done directly with the owner and we would be able to move into home ownership. Our payments would basically be a little more than what we had planned/expected to pay once we leave our current apartment.
With all of this said - if we move forward with the house, I will have to cut our guests list from 130 to about 75 (and thats pushing it). I am sooo torn!!! While I know the smarter and more mature decision is to move towards home ownership and to secure our immediate futures, I am saddened and beyond stressed at the thought of cutting my wedding damn near in half - WTF! Not only would we have to cut the guests list but I would also have to renegotiate the numbers with most of my vendors - they're going to hate me! And, to make things worse, we started making calls months ago to most of our guests to get their addresses, so they defintiely expect invitations. And - I have to let my current landlord know what I'm going to do about the new lease like yesterday. I just honestly wish they we could do both without the financial strain.
So my fellow bees - what do I do? This is such a hard decision - I am expected to have answers for everyone on Monday. But I just can't think straight or focus on what needs to be done. Why does life throw curve balls at you when things are supposed to be happy and pleasant. And trust me - I know that I am making the decision to have all of these things hanging over my head - but what's wrong with wanting to live in a nice house and still have the wedding of my dreams. I know, I know - I will defintiely have to give something up, but it's just hard making the decision about what that something will be. Please help me - Any advice that you could offer would help me tremendously! Thanks so much!
Buy the house.
And if possible, instead of cutting your guest list, have a much more informal/less expensive wedding so that everyone you love can be there. But, even if you can't change the style of your wedding at this point., buy the house.
DRESS3.jpg (52 KB, 76 downloads) 2 years old DRESS2.jpg (8.8 KB, 76 downloads) 2 years old DRESS1.jpg (46.2 KB, 76 downloads) 2 years old 
I think the clear choice here is to go forward with the home. Like most people say, the wedding is one day, but your home is the foundation of your future with your FI. Of course, you will have to deal with explaning to certain people about your having to cut the list, but it is something that must be done and it will be worth it. But think about it, after your wedding, you will have a place call home with your new hubby. Good luck.
Agreed- try to cut back on the wedding expenses & not the guest list if you can do it!
Buy the house Buy the house Buy the house! The wedding is just a celebration of your lives coming together. The house IS your lives coming together. This is a once in a life time opportunity!
And what about not getting married in NYC? I know how expensive it can be there. Try just going right outside the city... like your new home will be! And hopefully your vendors will work with you. I'm sure they would rather have the business than not. But I would absolutely buy the house.
yes, i would go for the house too. as for the wedding, instead of having a formal dinner reception, go for an afternoon cocktaiil hour. or even better, elope w/ close friends and immediate family!!
i think the money should be put toward your future with your DH to be, given the situation you're in. good luck!!
Buy the house!!! My cousin lives in NY -- he got married in New Jersey to defray the costs of buying a home!
Thanks for all of your responses! I would love to change some things around, but most of my deposits are in and they are non-refundable. To say the least, I am married to the venues and times. I wish I could at this point, but I just can't...
Then cut the guest list and buy the house. In a year, you can have an anniversary party-- open house -- at your new home and invite everyone.
BUY THE HOUSE! BUY THE HOUSE! BUY THE HOUSE!
Alright. Now that I got that much out!
I think that is the only option. I would also consider changing the wedding location (to just outside the city) or the date (to a later date where you can save a bit more money).
Sit down and look at the guest list. See if you can cut out some non-essential people - dates/relatives you never see/parents friends/ect. The consider what you can save money on - cheaper meals, less booze, different location, etc. I really think if you try hard enough you can do it so it's within your budget.
Yeah, buy the house. I second the idea of changing the venue/style of the wedding and preserving the guest list, if possible. I know you said you can't, but I for a brief second thought about switching my wedding to my hometown, which would probably still cost less even with the deposits we've already paid...just a thought. I'm getting married in SF, so I know how expensive these big city weddings are...anyway if you can't do that, go through the guest list and figure out people whose addresses you didn't ask for, and if they're B-listers, don't invite them. And...even if you have asked for addresses, if they're people you rarely see and are not very close to you, I think it's appropriate to not invite them, even if you think they expect an invite. It's not like you actually invited them. And finally...cut costs wherever you can if you end up going wtih your current venue. I think, in the long run, your top priority should be getting the house, and number two should be preserving the guest list as much as you can. Your marriage is the most important thing, but having your loved ones around you when you make this committment is really important too. IMHO. And both are more important than having a beautiful and fancy wedding. (which is still kinda important
) Good luck, and congrats on finding the perfect home! Sorry for the long post.
I know that it seems like a really tough decision now, but I am thinking when you look back on it while watching your kids play in a the backyard amongst the skyline you will not regret thinbuying the house. Would it be possible to move the reception to another venue that is not as expensive? BTW I grew up in the area you are speaking about and it really is a great place to raise a family! I am assuming you are looking around Edgewater based on your description and there are alot of nice shops and restaurants in that area (especially in hoboken) Also, access to the city is so easy and the homes are gorgeous. Affordable homes with views like that are hard to find, but there are so many wedding venues that you may be able to afford!! I know most people who live in the city may look down on having their receptions in NJ, but there are so many gorgeous venues that you can get for half the price of NYC!
Hi FutureMrs,
You're right on the money - the house is in Edgewater. Trust me, if I could I would definetly change the reception venue, but I can't. If I even attempt, I will lose all of my money. At this point, based on all of the wonderful feedback from you all and my famaily, I think we're going to cut the guest list and go for the house. I truly do love it and know that it is the right decision for our future. I'm 85% there with the house, I just think I'm scared of the big grown up decision and saddened by cutting out so many of my close friends. I know that everyone has said to cut out people who are not that close to me, but it really is sooo hard. Both me and my fiance are very social and we really have SO MANY close friends that are in our lives, like everyday. However, I really do appreciate all of the positive feedback - it means so much!!!
congrats on making the decision!! i know it's hard when you know what you should do versus doing what you want to do! in the end buying the house is the more logical option, even tho your heart strings were telling you to maybe still go for the wedding...
AHEM--- "someone" in here is a future homeowner!!
welcome to the club hon!! suburbia takes a while to get used to, I moved from LA to the 'burbs of NorCal - but it's worth it to see your kids playing in the yard, etc!!
congrats congrats congrats!!
Enjoy your new house. If you know peole are expecting an invite I think it would go a long way to call them and expalin the situation or send them a note. Maybe invite them to a house warming party a little later?
Got to this thread a little late, but I am happy to hear you voted for the house. I'd cancel my wedding altogether and elope at the courthouse if it meant the house of my dreams. Congratulations! You won't regret this decision.
I understand you are tied to the venue and tmes, etc... but what about changing it from a formal sit down dinner to a cocktail reception? Also going from a full bar to wine and beer?
I live in Hoboken but I actually want to move into Manhattan so I feel the real estate pain :P. An affordable large-ish one bedroom is not a realistic dream,
YEAH!!!! Congrats on deciding on the house!! It will be so worth it.
buy the house - as soon as your first child comes, I guarantee that you will not be thinking, "oh but Marg didn't get to come to the wedding" - people's feelings will be less hurt to not come than it will suck to raise a baby in an apartment! Adn even if you explain it like that to people, it would take a real jerk to say "me coming to your wedding is more important than the environment your children are raised in" ! :)
congratulations!
you know what? if i was expecting an invite to a wedding, and my friend called and said - listen, i love you, but we've got to cut it to intimate family because we're buying a house -- i would be THRILLED for my friend. i would send them a housewarming gift and be happy for them!
DEFINITELY buy the house! (just be sure to get it inspected and all that first ;)
yep.. glad you chose the house! but of course if anything can be negotiated, you can always postpone the wedding till a later date..
The House, The House.
While a die-hard NYer and lover of smaller spaces (there's nothing wrong with being raised in an apartment, Ms. Shortcake ) I am all for people moving forward with living the life they want to live. If you feel that the house is the next step for you, then go ahead. Don't buy into the wedding industrial complex, if it prevents your further financial growth and hinders your life path. Also to be honest, in the long run, it's a better investment than a larger wedding.
Good luck!
Congrats! I read this post too late, but I just wanted to suggest that after your wedding, and get all settled in the new casa...you should have a BBQ or something and invite some/all the people you had to cut from your list! You made the right choice! Best wishes!
so happy that you sound like you are going with the house!
i dont recall anyone mentioning this, but could you get a different menu from your caterer? where before you may have been having a full sitdown dinner, perhaps instead you could have exotic, chic hors dourves (sp?). cut the alcohol completely or seriously restrict it. cut down the cocktail hour if you were planning on having one. scale back on your decor.....maybe have smaller centerpieces or go with non floral centerpieces.
I'm doing some of these things for my November 1st wedding. We still can't invite many people but doing so affords us to invite more than we would have been able to originally.
choices like this could afford you a few more guests!
let us know how it goes!
Congrats! Being a grown-up is no fun sometimes, but there's nothing like being a homeowner for the first time with your hubby! You said that your venue & date are locked in, but you are tortured over cutting the list and you've already called people to ask for addresses, so they are expecting invitations.
I agree with what someone said above, call them back and explain that you had to change the numbers in order to afford your dream house! I would be SO happy for my friend in that situation.
If you reiterate that is was a very hard decision to make, but they are no less important to you, I think they'd understand. Plus, there are more people than not who understand the financial restraints we all go through to afford the house, the wedding, etc.
You can always throw a second more informal backyard BBQ in your brand new house for those that you couldn't afford to invite to the wedding to celebrate with you.
Congratulations! I also live in the land of high real estate (Los Angeles) so it is exciting to me when a couple can buy a home, especially a nice one. I am so glad that you decided to go with the home, as difficult as it was for you. Personally, if I was one of your guests, I would not have to think twice or be offended if I knew you had to choose between a home, and having me at your wedding. Grown-ups understand these type of things. You can always do what someone else suggested and have a nice little soiree in your new home when you guys get settled. I know you felt bad that you couldn't have the wedding that you wanted AND the house, but life just works like that sometimes. You have been offered a wonderful opportunity, so you should not feel bad about anything!
If everyone picked buying a house over an extravagant wedding, maybe we wouldn't have a morgage "crisis". ;)
Ditto the poster above who said they would understand if a friend called saying they were buying a house so they had to drastically cut the guest list. I would be happy that they were making such a smart decision.
Totally go for the house. Cut the guest list as much as you have to. And then, after the wedding, have a couple of rounds of house-warming parties, and invite everyone you had to cut! That way they will get to celebrate the house with you, and won't feel so left out. If I was the guest who was cut, I would completely understand, even though I might be a little disappointed. As many people have said, making the hard decisions with an eye to the future is part of what grown-up and married life is all about. A wonderful house is a great start to your life together, and you're not going to regret it!
I would buy the house. Cut back on the wedding. I would probably have something really informal to celebrate the union. I think at times we often loose sight of the actual event that is happening and get caught up in the billion dollar wedding industry. Just my opinion. Best luck on your decision.
Congrats! i think going for the house is definitely the way to go, especially since it sounds like it is exactly what you are looking for. maybe you can cut the wedding to just family and very close friends, and then throw an informal bbq or gathering at your new house with your other friends!
I'm a bit late on this board, but I say kudos to you for realizing that a future home is more important than a one day party. Just as a side note, you may want to also inquire about the closing costs (ie. transfer taxes, down payment requirements) and banks these days if your credit is good, would be willing to provide you with a second mortgage that may make your life a bit easier as far as the wedding is concerned. But like all the other readers, you and your fiance know what is best for you both and what is affordable, so please don't overextend yourself....i assure you though, a wedding and first home is possible together! Best of luck!
JEBUS! how was this ever a question!!! THE HOUSE!!! if they're really your close friends they WILL understand...
I really doubt you talk to 150 ppl everyday!
P1000150.JPG (148.1 KB, 34 downloads) 2 years old
I am so glad you are buying a house!! We cut our original number from 150 to 60 so some day sooner than later we can buy our dream home, I mean, dream townhome, I mean, a condo.
That said, people just love a reason to party- so family and friends have now offered to throw us a party in LA and Houston for all the folks we can't invite to the big event!! Which is so wonderful. And to top it off, I now am super excited for our small intimate wedding, which I think is way more romantic!
Good luck!
Headband.jpg (18.9 KB, 11 downloads) 2 years old
Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I am happy to report that we have SIGNED THE CONTRACT ON THE HOUSE and are moving in on May 17th. Things were very cloudy at first - but progressed very smoothly and quickly. In addition to closing on the house, we made the very tough, mature decision to change the wedding date from 11.14.08 to 11.13.09. While very bitter sweet, I am 1000% sure that this was the best decision for us. Because of my emotional connection to my original wedding date, including the amount of time, planning, and money that I had already put into it; I cried like a baby. I literally looked like ET for one week straight! Thank the good man upstairs that I work from home, because I was too depressed to leave my apartment. However, it's FINAL; the wedding date has been pushed back to 2009 and we are moving into our new house in a little less than two weeks. Again, thank you to all of the lovelies who responded, you all helped me more than you could ever know, and I appreciate it SO MUCH!!!
Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I am happy to report that we have SIGNED THE CONTRACT ON THE HOUSE and are moving in on May 17th. Things were very cloudy at first - but progressed very smoothly and quickly. In addition to closing on the house, we made the very tough, mature decision to change the wedding date from 11.14.08 to 11.13.09. While very bitter sweet, I am 1000% sure that this was the best decision for us. Because of my emotional connection to my original wedding date, including the amount of time, planning, and money that I had already put into it; I cried like a baby. I literally looked like ET for one week straight! Thank the good man upstairs that I work from home, because I was too depressed to leave my apartment. However, it's FINAL; the wedding date has been pushed back to 2009 and we are moving into our new house in a little less than two weeks. Again, thank you to all of the lovelies who responded, you all helped me more than you could ever know, and I appreciate it SO MUCH!!!
Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I am happy to report that we have SIGNED THE CONTRACT ON THE HOUSE and are moving in on May 17th. Things were very cloudy at first - but progressed very smoothly and quickly. In addition to closing on the house, we made the very tough, mature decision to change the wedding date from 11.14.08 to 11.13.09. While very bitter sweet, I am 1000% sure that this was the best decision for us. Because of my emotional connection to my original wedding date, including the amount of time, planning, and money that I had already put into it; I cried like a baby. I literally looked like ET for one week straight! Thank the good man upstairs that I work from home, because I was too depressed to leave my apartment. However, it's FINAL; the wedding date has been pushed back to 2009 and we are moving into our new house in a little less than two weeks. Again, thank you to all of the lovelies who responded, you all helped me more than you could ever know, and I appreciate it SO MUCH!!!
Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I am happy to report that we have SIGNED THE CONTRACT ON THE HOUSE and are moving in on May 17th. Things were very cloudy at first - but progressed very smoothly and quickly. In addition to closing on the house, we made the very tough, mature decision to change the wedding date from 11.14.08 to 11.13.09. While very bitter sweet, I am 1000% sure that this was the best decision for us. Because of my emotional connection to my original wedding date, including the amount of time, planning, and money that I had already put into it; I cried like a baby. I literally looked like ET for one week straight! Thank the good man upstairs that I work from home, because I was too depressed to leave my apartment. However, it's FINAL; the wedding date has been pushed back to 2009 and we are moving into our new house in a little less than two weeks. O - and we're going to secretly elope on 11.13.08! I guess I can't ask for much more. Again, thank you to all of the lovelies who responded, you all helped me more than you could ever know, and I appreciate it SO MUCH!!!
Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I am happy to report that we have SIGNED THE CONTRACT ON THE HOUSE and are moving in on May 17th. Things were very cloudy at first - but progressed very smoothly and quickly. In addition to closing on the house, we made the very tough, mature decision to change the wedding date from 11.14.08 to 11.13.09. While very bitter sweet, I am 1000% sure that this was the best decision for us. Because of my emotional connection to my original wedding date, including the amount of time, planning, and money that I had already put into it; I cried like a baby. I literally looked like ET for one week straight! Thank the good man upstairs that I work from home, because I was too depressed to leave my apartment. However, it's FINAL; the wedding date has been pushed back to 2009 and we are moving into our new house in a little less than two weeks. O - and we're going to secretly elope on 11.13.08! I guess I can't ask for much more. Again, thank you to all of the lovelies who responded, you all helped me more than you could ever know, and I appreciate it SO MUCH!!!
Custom_gown_-_day_of_pics.JPG (79 KB, 152 downloads) 2 years old 24_runway_pics.JPG (23.6 KB, 32 downloads) 2 years old 9_runway_pics.JPG (44 KB, 97 downloads) 2 years old You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 34 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 21 |
| rebwana | 21 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| mypinkshoes | 18 |
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| kat2014 | 15 |
| s.renea9 | 15 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| worden2be | 6 |
| rebwana | 5 |
| Lyndzo | 5 |
| j_jaye | 4 |
| GeekChic | 4 |
| maifunez | 4 |
| HiroshymaTetrastar | 4 |
| JenRoses | 4 |
| SapphireSun | 3 |
| melisslp | 3 |
