Post # 1
We had to put my dog down back in November. She was 12 and was doing fine until one weekend where she took a turn for the worst and basically her bladder was permanently swollen, the vet assumed it was from a tumor. Anyways, we made the right decision to put her down.
Well, fast foward to now and I can barely think about her without crying, and I find I often dream that she is still alive but I know in the dream she is dead. And then I wake up and I feel just horrible and cry. FI has been so supportive through my “fits” but I feel so silly that I am still upset about her death. But I raised her from a puppy, with the help of my family and she brought us all together. She helped me through some tough times and it is just hard.
Thanks for the support. I just need to get this off my chest.
Post # 3
Did you ever get a chance to say goodbye to your pet?
Having a ceremony or even a funeral helps so much with that… if you don’t have any ashes to spread, you could bury one of her favorite items and have a small ceremony to honor her.
I really hope you feel better soon!!
Post # 4
🙁 i’m so sorry. i know how hard it is to lose a pet. thinking of you…
Post # 5
@sceeder: Your story made my cry. I have a dog that I absolutely love and adore. I’m sure I’ll feel the exact same way when it’s her time to go. I’m so sorry to hear you’re still terribly upset about this. 🙁
Post # 6
So much love to you.
I had to put my Cheybees down on February 9th of last year. It’s almost a year and I still miss her every day. I usually cry about once a week, and I dream of her often. She was my first child. We spent 11 1/2 years together, all of my post college adult life.
I don’t have much advice. Some people say you should get another pet, that helps. I decided not to get another, with the wedding planning and travel. *shrugs*
Just know you’re not alone in having a hard time getting over a pet.
Post # 7
I still miss my Smee every day. It’s so hard to go through my day without him. ((hugs)) honey. I know.
Post # 8
@mrbee: The problem is that she is a family pet. My aunt paid for her urn (which is on the mantle of my aunt and uncle’s fire place. Unfortunately, we brought out the urn on Christmas day because my uncle picked it up when he was Christmas shopping and forgot it in the bag with our Christmas gifts…awkward find on Christmas day that’s for sure!
I think the current plan is we are going to split up her ashes and do what we want with them.
And it was super sad because her brother passed away 3 weeks before from a similar tumor. He was owned by my aunt’s friend and we grew up with him as well.
Post # 9
@TerraWellness: Thanks. A couple of people have told me that. My aunt and uncle got a border collie a year before she passed away and the two dogs didn’t get along. They started ignoring Nikki and putting all their attention to their new dog. So I spent every second I could with her this past year. I have no regrets and I got to say goodbye. 🙁
Post # 10
I am so sorry to hear (read) that you’re still so upset…I have three pups that I love (they’re getting up there in age) and I don’t know what I’ll do when they pass. Even thinking about it causes my chest to tighten. Don’t feel silly about being upset. To some people, pets are the same as having furry children. I don’t plan on having kids, so I always think of my animals as my babies and I’ll be beyond devastated when they die. I hope you start to feel better soon.
Post # 11
It definitely doesn’t have to be her ashes… when I was younger, my sister let our two family dogs go outside to pee during a snowstorm and didn’t notice when only one came back. The missing dog was my beloved first pet, and I am still not over her death!! I blame myself because I thought she was asleep somewhere else (she almost always slept with me) and didn’t go looking for her when she didn’t come to bed where I was waiting.
We never found her body to bury, so I had to find other ways to get closure… something like her favorite blanket or chewtoy can help you find peace. It sounds strange, but it really helped me when I was so so sad!
Post # 12
@sceeder: It’s not silly at all. Some us love our pets like humans and take the loss equally hard, and there’s no shame in that. My previous cat died very suddenly in a vet’s office, to this day I believe under neglected conditions. Not only did I not get to say goodbye but I blamed myself for taking him there. For the first month after his death I was almost catatonic, I couldn’t function. Then I went two months of counseling with someone who had expertise in pet grief counseling (yes, there is such a thing). I didn’t expect any magic answers to make me feel better but it definitely helped to be able to talk and cry to someone who was at least paid to listen to me and didn’t judge me. The pain gets better with time. After about four months I was ready to get a new pet. Even that was a hard process because I kept looking for a cat that was identical to him and of course there was no such thing. I adopted a kitten from a breeder that at least in physical appearance resembled him, but his personality was completely different. Slowly, I stopped making comparisons and came to love the new kitten for his own adorable ways. A year later we adopted a second one from a shelter who’s completely different in every way but just as lovable. I still miss my baby after 3.5 years, but I don’t have the crying fits or the nightmares anymore. Just hang in there and give yourself some time for recovery. Lots of love and hugs.
Post # 13
I am sorry your still upset 🙁 Don’t feel bad either! I had to put my dog down a year and a couple months ago.. and I still have dreams about my dog too.. and I wake up crying because she is so happy and young and my dream.. So I know she is happy now. It is hard because they are like your furry children! It will come with time, maybe do some kind of memorable thing for her? I got a picture of Tasha (my dog) next to the “Rainbow Bridge” poem and have it on my wall. It is hard though.. Spreading the ashes does help though, do it at her favorite spot and know she will love it.
Post # 14
That’s not silly at all. 🙁 I got teary-eyed reading because I love my two dogs so so much. I don’t have any good “advice,” but just wanted to offer my support and a virtual ((hug)).
I think Mr Bee’s idea is a very good one for closure. You could also put together some sort of photo montage for her? That’s what we did when my childhood dog Petey passed away when I was a teenager.
Post # 15
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to still be grieving so much at this point, (it’s only February), but if YOU think there is something wrong with it, then there is nothing wrong with seeking counseling or other help.
We lost a cat in December 2006, (the day after Christmas). She was my husband’s cat from when he was younger, and I’d only known her a few years, but I was pretty close to her. She was my little girl, (my cats were both males) and loved to snuggle with me. She died unexpectedly..she just stopped eating and drinking. At first we thought she may have just had a hairball, so we weren’t concerned, but then she also became lethargic. The vet suspected kidney failure and there really wasn’t anything else we could do at that point so we had her put to sleep. I know I took it really hard, because it was so sudden. We had to put my dog to sleep six or seven months later, but because we had more time to make the decision and say goodbye, it wasn’t nearly as traumatic, despite the fact that I’d known her longer. I really think the unexpectedness of it all makes it that much worse, but that’s just my opinion.
A few months ago, we put another cat to sleep, (my seventeen year old boy, my first kitty ever), and I still think I have to feed him, or think I hear him or see him out of the corner of my eye.
I think doing as Mr. Bee suggested and having some kind of memorial service for her may help you get some closure and give you a chance to say goodbye, if you felt like you were denied that chance. But again, nobody can tell you how long or how much to grieve except you. *hugs*
Post # 16
It’s been two years since my dog was killed, and I’m still not over it either…
I would encourage you to try to focus on the many years you were lucky enough to have her and love her. If it can help to put things in perspective… my dog was less than 2 years old when she was taken by a coyote right in front of my eyes and I had to hear her whimper and cry as she was being killed while I ran off to try to save her in the night.
Any loved pet’s death is very sad, but I hope you are able to hold on to the many good, positive memories of her and the fact that she had a dignified, peaceful passing, to help you heal.