I am the breadwinner he is the homemaker….Engagement Ring?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why don’t you guys talk about it and do whatever you guys feel more comfortable with? I feel like telling him he HAS to save for it is just as domineering as paying for it yourself (as you are ordering him to do something). After marriage, it’s all joint anyway, so it shouldn’t matter. Even in a traditional scenario, the e-ring budget takes away from savings the guy would come into the marriage with – thus contributing that much less to joint finances.

Post # 4
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

What if you just skipped the e ring? Is that something you’d consider? If you’re already planning the wedding, maybe it’s not so necessary.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

What you should ask yourselves is this: Do you want to get married your way, or do you want a ring to impress others and fulfill THEIR expectations of YOUR engagement?

 

If you don’t want a ring, then you don’t want a ring. Nothing wrong with it. Many people still confuse the size of the ring with the size of the heart that gave it to you. That’s just nonsense!

Post # 8
Member
2291 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I paid for my ring. It just worked out that way. We were both working at the time and I made a little more, and he had some car repairs and other expenses crop up and I didn’t feel like waiting 6 more months so I bought it myself with some savings and a tax return. If the money will be combined once you’re married then I don’t see the problem with combining it while engaged. Your other option, if he will be going back to work at some point, would be to get a cheaper ring now and then upgrade in 5 years.

Post # 9
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

@Waitingbee57:  Maybe set a budget that you can both agree on.  Use a joint account for the savings, put a certain amount that you’re comfortable donating towards the e-ring funds in the account and let him top off the rest with his part time jobs, so that he feels like he’s contributed. I’d let him do the engagement ring transaction/purchase, though. Even if you are the one who decides on which e-ring.

 

Hope this helps? xo

Post # 10
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Who cares what others do or say?  These people sound like a–holes.  A ring does not make an engagement…2 people and a lot of love makes the the engagement.  My DH had a horrific motorcycle accident a few years ago and has been on SS disability ever since.  His check is small so I’m the “breadwinner”.  When we decided to get married I told him not to worry about getting a e-ring ring because I didn’t really care if I had one or not.  I would be happy with a pretty wedding ring.  He insisted on getting me one so he picked one out and saved for it.  I didn’t pay anything toward it because the e-ring ring just wasn’t important to me.   

Post # 11
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If he feels so strongly about that, why don’t you just pick an inexpensive stand-in ring until he can afford one?
Check out an antique store for something unique, or maybe ebay! Even something from Overstock can sub in, no one has to know if it’ not a diamond. Or maybe just get a different stone so you’re not even worried about what people think.

Honestly, if I were in this situation, I’d wait to get married until he had a job.

But I guess if I were in your shoes, I’d buy a ring I liked ($100 max, probably), and give it to him to ask me with. It wouldn’t have been a diamond, but it would be something I could look at every day. I’d actually probably pick out a band if I could pick my own, because I like simplicity.

You don’t really need a ring, though.
You are engaged once you start seriously planning your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just get a stand in for the time being. Nobody will know the difference (not that I think their opinion matters… Lots of ppl don’t get engagement rings and only have wedding bands).

Post # 13
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We had joint finances when we bought my ring, so essentially we shared the cost. In reality, I really paid for it bc I have always made a lot more than my husband. The “traditional” way does not work for everyone, and it is nothing to be embarassed about. If he feels weird about it, then make the process of buying it something you do together and emphasize that it is his money too.

Edit: now that I read he is NOT ok with you buying it, and you do not really care about having it, then go without or go ahead and wear your band. Screw what other people say/think. You cannot please everyone, and it is none of their business. (Easier said than done, I know.)

Post # 14
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Wow, those are incredibly rude comments to have received IRL! Could you just take over the groceries (anything he normally would pay for), so he could save what he makes for a ring? That way, he technically bought it. Don’t know if you have a couple months to wait, though. If not, what about letting him pay you back? Fwiw, I see nothing wrong with paying for your own ring, but it seems like for his pride, need to get creative. Btw, is he staying home w/kids?

Post # 15
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I just want to be able to tell everybody that we are getting married without ridicule.

 @Waitingbee57:  And people in hell want ice water.  No matter what you do, when it comes to weddings, you’re going to get judged.  You just have to remember that as long as you and your man are happy with your decisions, that’s all that matters.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You know your wedding savings? Wedding rings are supposed to be like 3% of your wedding budget. Sit down, figure out what you’re both okay with him spending, and send him out to find a ring for you!

It might make sense just to get a super-flashy wedding band, and use it for both!

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