(Closed) I am upset we are not in agreement with our living arrangement!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

The fact that he wants to keep his bachelor pad another 18 months is really telling for me…If a guy said that to me, he’d see me walking out the door. Not because I’m “marriage hungry” or whatever, but because I find that kind of dis-attachment and attitude really disrespectful. I’m also big on following gut feelings, and it seems like yours is telling you that something is off. It sure reads like something is off.

Can I ask how old you both are?

Post # 4
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would be more understanding if he had a better reason for not having you move in sooner. He wants to keep his “bachelor pad”? I totally understand personal space and though I LOVED living on my own in my apartment (which I only did for a year), I was more interested in beginning my life with my SO. I always find ways to have my personal time alone when I need it. I agree with MsCricket- something is off.

Post # 6
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I totally get you.  You would think that a guy you’ve been dating for 2 years would want nothing more than to be with you even MORE often by moving in with you! You want to live with him and see his smiling face every morning, but he doesn’t seem to share the sentiment.  It’s really hurtful and I think you should let him know that.  But know that it’s likely that if he changes his answer anytime soon that it may not be genuine.  If in 2 months he finally concedes and says “fiiiiine, we’ll move in together”, he might just be saying to to make you happy.  Kinda like pushing a guy to get engaged and then receiving a “shut up” ring.  Sad, but true.

 

But until 18 months from now, enjoy your space!  Redecorate it, get some interesting/new furniture or a rug!  Love your home and embrace having your own, CLEAN space.  Because that might change once you move in together.  Have him come over to your place and make your base for activities if it isn’t already.  Maybe after having to drive over to your place all the time, he’ll come around to moving in with you.  

Post # 7
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Double pooost.  🙁

Post # 9
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You may be ready, but to me, it sounds like he just isn’t yet. That doesn’t mean he won’t be in time, or that he doesn’t love you. I think he realizes he just isn’t ready to be in a fulltime, committed day to day relationship yet. Having a girlfriend that he sees on a regular basis is what he can handle right now, and he isn’t ready for anything beyond that. Trust that he is a man that knows his own mind, and what he can handle.

Post # 10
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think you are overreacting at all. 

He does not sound on the same page with you. 

Post # 11
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

WOW – he’s 30 and still wants to live in a bachelor pad?? I would understand this if he was in his early 20’s, but the fact that he’s using this as an excuse at 30 is also worrying to me. You’re right – those boyfriends that move in with their girlfriends at 6 months are excited and totally ready to be making that commitment. If he’s not feeling ready to move in, why would he be ready to become engaged? Both are huge commitments. haha, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing it, but he needs to COMMUNICATE his real feelings with you so that you are both on the same page!

Post # 12
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

(I can’t think of any way to say this without coming off harshly, but…) As old as he is, how come he isn’t tired of the “bachelor pad” situation by now?

Post # 13
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

Has he never lived by himself before? I can kind of see his point that he wants the experience of living alone before getting married.

Post # 14
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah, I’m with Banana. A 30 year old man should have some motivation to get a move on, and especially if you’ve been together for 2 years, and he still doesn’t want to live with you for basically another 2 years, he’s not even commuting to see you as often as you see him…. Who’s that guy, “Here’s your sign”?

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