Post # 1
R and I have been having a lot of problems lately. Mainly because i found out he had another “girlfriend” about 2.5 years ago. I just found this out about a month ago. I told myself I was going to try to understand the situation. We were very young (18-19) and stupid and immature. Plus our relationship felt more likt fwb than a real boyfriend girlfriend.. I got pregnant at that time but had an abortion (regret it everyday) and he still was talking to her (after they stopped talking for about 6 months, he went back to her)
It makes me so sad that he would go and hang out with her while i was having such a hard time. It feels like she came first and not me..
Time went by and we decided to work on us (at this time we were 20-21) Decided to move in back together and everything was fine and he is an amazing boyfriend. Caring, loving, supportive and always encouraging me to do what i want to do because he will always be there to love me and support me.
Everything was perfect until i found out about her. My whole world came crashing down.. We had plans to get married but now i am not so sure. <br /><br />
Another issue we are having is that he has become comfortable with what he have. No plans to continue school, always tells me he is going to register for school but never does. He doesnt show any emotions or appreciates what i do for him
Everything is ” i know i have to change, i promise il change” but nothing has happened.
Like i would cook for him and do all this nice things for him so he can feel appreciated but i get nothing in return.
Not even after finding out about his “emotional relationship”
You would think he would make the effort to show me that he wants this relationship instead of always making promises he knows he wont keep..
I have forgiving him a lot of things but idk if i can keep going anymore…
Post # 2
I think it’s likely that what you’re experiencing with him will continue.
If you don’t like what he’s doing now, then you should probably end the relationship, because it’s not likely that he’ll change any time soon. It’s not wise to continue a relationship because you hope the other person will change. More often than not it just leads to frustration, lots of trouble, and heartbreak.
I would advise talking to him about this again to try and get him to understand what you’re going through and what you need from him, but it sounds like you’ve already tried that. You could still try it, but if he still doesn’t change his ways, it’s probably best to accept the fact that this is how he is and move on.
You can find a man who is more attentive, is driven to make his life and that of his SO better, who is appreciative, and reciprocates. That is what you want, so that is what you should have. It doesn’t appear that the man you’re with now will be able to do all of that. You should find a man who can, and there are plenty of men like this out there.
Post # 4
Rhopalocera: Thank you. I am just so tired of telling him what i expect from him
he says he is going to change and the last two days have been good but for how long is it going to last? 2 weeks as always, I dont like telling people to change but it will be change that will make our relationship 100% better.
Post # 5
Yeah, that’s what happens: things are good, even great, for a few days or weeks, maybe even months, and then they go back to how they were.
When things always go back to how they were, it’s likely that that’s how things will stay. They also tend to get worse.
Post # 6
figs2006: this guys sounds like a loser and a waste of time. You’re too young to put all your eggs in one basket. Move on and get rid of him girl.
Post # 7
These are some harsh statements about a 21-22 year old guy. I think he is just young and not necessarily doomed to a lifetime of being a loser but if you want a more mature relationship now, you will probably need to find it with someone else.
Post # 8
The question you have to ask yourself is: Do you want to do this for the rest of your life?
Stop expecting/asking him to change. Assume that he is who he is, and nothing, besides HIM wanting to sincerely change (not you wanting him to), will truly allow him to make changes. Its easy to think “but he would be the perfect partner if only he did ____”, but that is neither realistic or logical.
Its perfectly fine to voice your concerns, needs, and wants, but you cannot force your partner into complying with them. You have to decide whether or not you can live with his “unchanged” self, and whether that would make you happy, or if you need to leave the relationship to go find a person who can meet those expectations.
Post # 9
nycsa: I’m pretty sure lying and cheating are totally inappropriate at any age. But you do have a point. It’s so hard to give grown up advice to kids. And when I was that age, I felt like advice from older people was irrelevant.
Youth is wasted on the young.
Post # 10
nycsa: Well i dont mean to say he is a lose because he really isnt. He is super smart, I just dont think he realises his potential. He is 24 now so i just think he would have some sort of plan for his life you know?
Thank you for your advice.
Post # 11
coffeedrinker: She didn’t exactly say he was cheating.
Post # 12
You’re so young…it’s time to move on. Don’t you want better than that? If you move on then you get to experience meeting a new guy & all of those amazing feelings & excitement that comes along with meeting someone new! It’s so much fun to meet someone you like & getting to know them….feeling wanted & appreciated….and you get to fall in love with again, with someone new! I’m so jealous! I absolutely loved those experiences. I loved meeting a new guy & getting so excited to hang out with them & the butterflies when you first kiss them! Don’t settle. You will never be happy. You will be having this exact same battle for the rest of ypur life. Give yourself the opportunity & chance to meet new guys that make you feel amazing!